What's your "Dealbreaker" when it comes to new relationships

[LynneSin]

When it comes to new relationships, there's always a dealbreaker out there: some sort of annoying quality that no matter how you try you can work it out. Those dealbreakers are usually some of the deciding factors in the start of any relationship.

Looking past my many many decades of dating, I can honestly say my "dealbreakers" have changed over the years. I'd also like to think they are for the better because looking back, there are a few guys out there I wonder "What the Hell was I thinking".

My dealbreaker:

Voting - I just can't bring myself to date someone who does not think voting is important. After years of political involvement, non-voters are just a turnoff to me. I'll date a neo-conservative who votes regularly in every election before I'd date a liberal leaning guy who can't be bothered to vote. I know, it's the stupidiest thing to make a dealbreaker, but it really is my #1 issue.

I have other issues, but none of them are such a dealbreaker that I would go to this extreme, even smoking which I'm extremely challenged over there but could tolerate if the guy was a liberal thinking progressive who votes on a regular basis!

So what are/were your dealbreakers when it came to new relationships?

[dorktv]

1. really bad sex is up there.

[JackSwift]

Sigh. Women.

So hard to please. But that is just a guess.

[short bus president]

2. the presence of a penis,

provided it's not attached to one of the people I mentioned in my thread on that topic earlier today, is a dealbreaker for me.

[Dookus]

18. aww.....

and I was just about to send ya flowers.

This penis-bashing trend on DU has got to stop ;)

[short bus president]

54. Keep it up, Dookus

and one day you may end up on the switch-consideration list:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=106595&mesg_id=106595

Well, OK, you might have to get yourself a ducky, first...

:P

[Elidor]

3. Intolerance, petty behavior, & spitefulness are turnoffs

Open-mindedness and understanding are a big, big plus, and make a person much more attractive.

[sendero]

4. I'd love to tell ya....

.... but I don't want to get thrown off the board :)

[SOteric]

5. The presence of a wife.

[GOPisEvil]

33. Or, in my case, a husband!

I dated a woman for a while who told me she was divorced. I got a knock on my door one evening from a man who greeted me thusly: "So, you're the guy who's f*cking my wife!" Eeep! He was pretty calm though. Actually, we sat and talked for a while, and he said they were merely separated, not divorced. So, while he was there, I called her, told her who I was talking with at that moment, and broke up with her.

I never got called to testify in a divorce proceeding, so I assume they worked it all out somehow. :shrug:

[SOteric]

42. Yikes!

I'm not sure what some folks are thinkin' when they take up with someone that way. (I mean her, not you.)

Do they honestly believe their fibs aren't ever going to come to light?

'Cause my experience has been that with enough time everything comes up for conversation.

[GOPisEvil]

46. LOL - get this...

Her "defense": "I knew you were not the type of guy to go out with a woman while she was still married, but I wanted to go out with you anyway." Uh, if you had been HONEST with me, I might have stuck around until you got divorced, assuming the divorce was imminent already. For the right person, I can be patient, and until the moment I found out she had lied to me, she was highly qualified as the right person...

[SOteric]

48. ?...!

The way I read her statement, it boils down to: "I respect that you're fair and honourable and wished to pay homage to it by being unfair and dishonourable."

[GOPisEvil]

49. Exactly!

It was easy to tell her goodbye.

Oh well, it was her loss! :D

[Blue-Jay]

6. Bad breath.

I have to enjoy kissing someone. Stank-mouth will kill it for me every time.

[onehandle]

7. Smoking. nt

nt

[WilliamPitt]

8. Insanity

[dorktv]

10. That one I would like explained.

[JackSwift]

13. Everyone's normal

until you get to know them better.

[cherryperry]

9. Here's my 2 cents:

Although I have a hard time with smokers, there are always altoids...

Although I have a hard time with bad breath, once again, see altoids...

The only deal-breaker for me is differences in core beliefs. In other words, I understand non-voters and I understand minor differences in belief systems, however, I would NEVER date a racist, anti-Semite, or anyone right of center on the political spectrum; and that means NEVER.

:toast:

[LynneSin]

27. I have to agree with you there

But in my day-to-day doings, I really don't meet too many people who are racist and if I did - I would leave the area immediately.

[JackSwift]

11. Smoking and "gotcha"

Smoking is obvious.

But I cannot abide being around people who substitute the word "gotcha" for "ahh" or "I understand" or "that makes sense". No, if you say "gotcha" more than once an evening, you clearly have no grasp of who I am. I am insane, you don't "gotch" me.

[MsChiff]

12. smoking

and/or liars.

[RetroLounge]

14. Heroin. Definitely Heroin.

Anyone who ties up and shoots up during dinner is just plain rude.

at least wait until we are in the car...

Other than that?

[Paragon]

15. Don'tcha hate it when...

...they have absolutely no interest in you whatsoever and think you're a dumb, worthless jackass?

Heh heh...who's with me...?

(crickets chirping)

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. The lack of ability to laugh at oneself, combined with the ability to

laugh at others. This is the most obnoxious and, lately it seems, rampant trait I know of.

[TreasonousBastard]

17. Catching her in bed...

with my wife.

[Zhade]

19. Lies.

No question.

[noiretextatique]

20. a few....

lack of a generous spirit
lack of intellectual curiosity
lack of honesty

[Bake]

21. Marriage. Mine, that is!

No new relationships for me! I'm married, happily, gladly, joyfully!

Bake

[Piperay]

22. ABSOLUTELY must be a Democrat

have a sense of humor and not smoke.

[BritishHuman]

23. Must NOT say:

"Why would I read a book? If it's any good they'll make a movie out of it."

Yes, she was serious. No, there were no further dates.

[SOteric]

53. That would be funny

if it didn't sum up so succinctly the mindset of much of the public.

[Cthulu_2004]

24. A deep seated loathing of firearms.

Ambivalence, I can deal with. Outright irrational hatred doesn't bode well, as it strikes me as a glaring warning sign of a closed mind.

Of course, I'm married...so it doesn't really matter. And yes, my wife likes guns just fine.

[REP]

25. Children

Real or potential. If I wanted any, I wouldn't be sterilized and ablated. Fortunately, Loved One agrees with me.

[arwalden]

26. Substance Abuse, Financial Irresponsibility, Physical Abuse...

... the amount they earn from their jobs was never important to me... just how responsible they were with what they had.

== Allen

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. Bad table manners, chewing gum loudly,

and not being able to speak in anything other than a loud voice.

And most especially, lack of intelligence. Doesn't need to be college educated, but at least needs to carry a conversation, enjoy learning, and be able to formulate thoughts and back them up with further discussion and/or be willing to change the mind.

And no freeps, or freep-like thinking style, even if not conservative.

Closed minds and open mouths are deal breakers.

[jmm]

29. Lack of intelligence is my biggest deal breaker.

I once went on a date with a college graduate who insisted the Blair Witch Project was real. When I pointed out to him that the actors had been appearing on late night talk shows, he said but there's a website that says it's real. Needless to say there was no second date.

[eyesroll]

31. I have almost no tolerance for stupidity, either

I'm married now, and I dated my fair share of idiots in high school, but that's utterly a deal-breaker for me now, even in close friendships, really.

I suppose it comes as no surprise that I have a reputation around my workplace as an intellectual snob.

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. Ugh. One needs an intellectually similar person to be happy

My current partner and I get along great - both have large stores of knowledge and much education and are well-read, but we are mostly in different areas (though overlap in a couple), so it's great. Not so much about being smart in the same areas, but being equally smart in general: we have much to teach each other, and we're both smart enough that we CAN learn from one another and can TEACH each other. That's important. At least for us, finding someone with intellectual equivalence was important.

For me, I couldn't handle (and have difficulties handling) being around people who aren't on the same playing field with me. I don't like to have to dumb down to speak with people in general, certainly not with people I'm intending to spend hours with. I don't mind it in a teaching environment, or with people outside my field, etc., it's just the people who simply don't "get it" I have a hard time with, who seem to only be able to speak about and be interested about "Survivor" or sports or celebrities or whatever the current fad/trend is, or who order Cosmopolitans becuase their popular, without having idea what the ingredients are or other alternatives but who "really love" cosmos, but this year "really love" mojitos and next year maybe will "really love" appletinis.

And of course, there is stress in being with people who are my intellectual superiors.

[GOPisEvil]

30. My list of dealbreakers:

1. Intolerance
2. Close-mindedness
3. Lack of a sense of humor
4. Hard core Republicanism
5. Hard core religious (i.e. inserting God or Jesus more than, say, 53 times in a normal conversation)
6. Lack of awareness

The above list is not all-inclusive, nor is it in any particular order. :-)

[LynneSin]

32. So then I'm datable

Woohoo!

:bounce:

[GOPisEvil]

35. That is affirmative!

:-)

[MissMillie]

34. If they're not looking for a life-mate

If I hear one more man say "I'm not ready".....

At my age (and I usually date men around my own age) there is no excuse for not being "ready". And I don't have any desire to once again invest a few years of my time and energy on someone who's then going to say "I'm not ready."

[Love Bug]

41. Word, MissMillie!

I've come to the concusion if a man is "not ready" by my age (late 40s) he's never going to be "ready."

Big deal breaker for me: No repukes or pro-lifers. Why share my cookies with someone who won't defend the bakery?

[SiouxJ]

36. Smoking, guns, Republican, overly religious

I just can't bring myself to kiss a smoker. Tobacco smoker that is. That old phrase - "kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray" keeps running through my head - lol. Sorry smokers, it's nothing personal, I just have such an aversion to that smell! It kills me when I see a cute guy and I'm kinda getting interested, and then he lights up a cigarette. Ouch! I'm always thinking - "next" :-) .

Someone who needs to play with guns all the time doesn't interest me either. It seems so immature. Damn, grow up already! Besides, I could never allow one in my house.

I equate being a Republican with being stupid and I don't do stupid.

The religion thing- I've been around so many religious fanatics since I've moved here and it just seems to run their lives. I can't see myself being with someone who could let something take over their lives like that. Just sort of blindly following and never questioning. Not my kind of person. Besides, I want someone who likes to lounge around on Sunday morning, read the paper, drink coffee etc. :-)

Oh yeah, and this should have been first - if they have no interest in music, forget it. We'll have nothing to talk about, period.

See, I'm not that picky :-) .

[Nlighten1]

37. My Mom always said...

if she doesn't swallow don't marry her.

[LuLu550]

39. Smoking (cigs)

I hate it with a passion!
However, a smoking Republican who doesn't know how to make love is the WORST! :puke:
LuLU

[TedinAZ]

40. Pre-existing kids....

Does it for me.

[Kamika]

43. Players

Guys who just wants sex, guys who are just plain dumb, Guys who are way older then me and just wants to be some kind of sugardaddy..

[Quahog]

44. I have two

I can't date a woman who drives a $98,000 car. And I can't date a woman who's going to rat me out to my wife.

[curse10]

45. Religious and/or wears socks with sandals

:-)

[LynneSin]

47. ewwww - I'd have to add that one to my list

no excuse for the socks/sandal things. No exceptions!!!

[sangh0]

50. Materialism

consumerism, conservatism, and racism

[supernova]

51. Dealbreakers and Alarm bells

- financial irresponsibility. I don't care how much/little he makes, just that he's responsible with it.

- lacking a sense of humor about life and yourself. I don't want to be around people who can't laugh about the absurdities of life.

- lacking anger management/emotional abuse. Popping off at the drop of a hat is not the way to woo me. Patience is a virtue.

- Must have a passion for living. Have some interests and hobbies other than his job that he enjoys. That would include political inclinations.

- The aforementioned hygiene. Anything less is just gross.

[StopTheMorans]

52. well let me see...

over the last few months, I have ended a variety of relationships for a variety of reasons, but have never stopped to list them, so here goes:)

1. girl becomes a "mirror"
(happened last year in what had been a really great relationship) you think things are going great, you have intelligent conversations, etc..., but gradually, the person professes to like you more and more, and in the process, will not call you out when you are being an idiot or saying something that you know they don't believe (used to do this just to see if she would stand up for her ideas:) Conversation becomes only about you (i.e. other person will always direct your questions about their life back to you, will rarely state (or will profess to not have) an opinion on ANYTHING). That is the ultimate worst.

nagging:
this is almost as bad, I don't mean "politely suggesting something", i mean repeating something over and over again with the specific intent to annoy someone into complying with your wishes (i.e. a girl asked me 9 times within roughly an hr period on a saturday morning (yes, I started counting, b/c it was driving me nuts) "can we go get breakfast" when I had already said "yes, just let me sleep for another hour, I'm really hungover").

coldness/inability to express emotions appropriately (physically or verbally).

think that should do it, all the others are "little things" that if the person is cool enough, I can get over:)

[bikebloke]

55. A few peaves

Smoking

Loonie tunes - I tend to be a freak magnet. They must think, since I'm open minded and have been all over the world, I wouldn't regard them as strange. But that doesn't count towards folk living on different planets with both feet on this one.

Following some made-for-tv script in lieu of a relationship. Bloody 'ell, why not just let it flow.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

56. By my age...

you get to have more than a few "deal breakers" -- I've had dates tell me I'm not "flexible" enough, but I say, hey!, I'm 43 years old and I know what does and doesn't work for me.

Smoking -- ain't gonna happen

Someone who can't have fun or wind down the day without the use of booze or recreational drugs

Moving from CA

Producing children (though if he has an existing family I would be happy)

Disinterest in film

Dislike of cats/animals in general

Hunting

[TEXASYANKEE]

57. Few, but extremely important to me.

First of all, I had to really dig in my memory to recall what a "relationship" was. And my deal-breakers are probably what keep me alone to begin with.

My #1 deal breaker is if the other person can't amuse themselves. No, I don't mean sexually (although that's nice too). I mean they cannot expect me to do everything, plan everything, and be with them 100% of the time. I'm a real loner, and usually end up feeling smothered when I'm with someone who hates to be alone.

The other things are minor compared to #1. He must be honest, unselfish, educated, and have a good sense of humor. On the surface, it doesn't seem like I ask for too much. But I must, because I've been alone for a long long time.

[skypilot]

58. Bad kisser

I hate guys that put alot of tongue and saliva in their kisses. That kills EVERYTHING for me.

[catzies]

59. Almost every single one of these! Must be why I'm permanently single

:shrug:

[donotpassgo]

60. I dumped a girl who pronounced the word thee-A-trr

That was my major, so I was taken aback...irrationaly so, but thee-A-tr?

[Patriot_Spear]

61. Infidelity...

Absolute, irrevokable, don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out deal breaker.