Has anyone here been near death?

[Raven]

I'm asking because for some reason this afternoon I began wondering whether people have an inkling of their death. My dad died three years ago...he was in his 80's but very robust. On a Friday he had a fairly routine procedure at the hospital. He left the house dress as he always did in his suit and bow tie...blew my mother a kiss from the door and never came back. During that weekend as we were making arrangements, I went into his study and sat at his desk about to make some phone calls. As I looked down, on top of a pile of papers was a list in his very careful handwriting of all of the relatives, the cousins, their kids...and everyone's addresses and phone numbers. Next to that was the certificate from the cemetary with details of his burial plot. I do not exaggerate here. It was just sitting there.

So I often wonder if he knew his time was here and wanted to make it easier on the rest of us. I also had a young friend who deid from cancer. She called a group of us for a visit to her home and died a few days later.

I guess I would like to think that since I am the inhabitant of my body, it would give me a little advance heads up. I have thought that this might not apply to an accident victem, but I think my dad really was an accident victem.

I have also thought, it would be nice to know...or would it?

[BurtWorm]

1. What effect would that have, knowing your exit date?

Would it be easier to know your date was very soon or somewhat (but not too terribly) far off?

[Raven]

3. It may definately be because I'm getting older, but

I think I might like to have a general idea. I don't think my father or my friend Sue knew that on such and such a date, at a particular time, they would be gonners, but I just wonder if they had a sense that the time was coming soon. I don't really know, but when you think about the fact that you live in your body, shouldn't you know? Unless, of course, you get hit by a truck... but even then. Life is really such a major experience, should'nt you know?

[BurtWorm]

9. Have you heard of apoptosis?

Programmed cell death. (Pronounced ap-a-TOE-sis.) I think every living cell has it programmed into itself to die, to make room for other cells. I wonder if there will be a day when medicine will figure out how to read those programs on a grand scale to estimate a time when critical mass would be reached and the whole organism is likely to die. I doubt most people would want to know.

I'm trying to figure out if I would want to know, and I think the answer is no, unless something terminal is about to happen physiologically. But when I asked you those questions earlier, I was thinking I might rather learn I was to die next week than that I had six months to live. That way I could work full time on the mental preparation.

[Warpy]

10. Both bits of knowledge

...might bring a great deal of comfort, each in its own way. Knowing it was far away would bring a sense of security. Knowing it was soon would bring a sense of relief as each of the petty annoyances we face every day could be bade farewell.

The awful part is having your body wear out and wanting to die, but not being able to. My mother is blind, deaf, and has a host of other serious problems, yet her heart insists on beating. She's wanted to go for years, although she's never tried suicide. That, I think, is the real hell, sick and cut off from everything and everyone you enjoyed. Demons, pitchforks and hellfire would come as a releif, if only to break the boredom.

[Boudicea]

2. Very sweet image

Raven, I haven't had any type of near death experience, so can't really comment there. But I wanted to say what a very sweet image you give here of your dad. My mom spent her last few months in a nursing home with Alzheimer's/stroke/etc., so I think anyone that doesn't have to go through that is blessed.

Along those lines, though, have you had what I call a dream visit from your dad? I tend to believe these things come from your own subconscious, but whatever the origin, it does feel like a visit.

[Raven]

4. What do you mean by a dream visit?

?

[Boudicea]

11. I just mean a dream so real that you wake ...

and feel like you were sitting and talking with the person.

[mlawson]

19. I had one of those.

Two months after Dad passed. It's very personal, but to cut it short, I saw him standing in a group of 'angels', smiling at me. The night before, I had had too many beers, got maudlin, and was worrying about how it was for him, when we 'went through'. Since that dream (if that it what it was), I no longer worry about him.

[Hubert Flottz]

5. I was close enough to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel

but I woke up singing 'Big Balls In Cowtown'! That's the truth! I had a By-Pass and had a stroke while I was having the By-Pass! I could hear all the gnarling and gnashing going on behind the big door that had the elephant on it! It makes my chest hurt just laughing about it!

[Skittles]

6. what perhaps may be more difficult

is knowing someone WANTED to die. My dad shot himself in the head and lived for six days.

[Raven]

7. I can't imagine that pain!

Both his and yours. How old were you? How did you deal with that?

[Skittles]

13. he was 50

it was three days before my birthday and he called me at work wishing me a happy birthday. I thought it was odd because he never called me at work. He shot himself that night and lived for six days. When I was told, I said "I always knew he'd do that". He'd suffered from major depression as long as I could remember and had once been hospitilized for almost a year after a suicide attempt (I was 14 then - I lived with his sister who also attempted suicide while I was there). Guess it's a family thing.

I remember how many people said to me, HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO YOU? People really don't understand the nature of severe depression. He didn't do it to me - he did it to himself.

[DemBones DemBones]

26. The other thing you hear about suicide is that

it's the "ultimate in selfishness" -- kind of a variation on "how could he do it to you?" I heard both after my brother's suicide but I know he didn't intend to hurt anyone, that he had to be truly miserable and desperate. I just wish he'd gotten help. He might still be alive if he had. We had a grandfather who also killed himself. You don't hear of many families in which there's just one suicide -- think of the Hemingways (Ernest, his father, one or two of his sons, and probably his granddaughter, all committed suicide.) So if there's one in your family, watch out for yourself and get help if you need it.

[Droopy]

8. I've been close to death three times

I've almost been shot twice. Once by a biker in a case of mistaken identity and once by a cop in a misunderstanding (he pulled a gun on me thinking I was reaching for a gun when it was something else). The other occasion was a traffic accident. I came out of it with a few scrapes and bruises, but if I would have been sitting in a different position, I may have lost my legs and bled to death.

In every case it came as a complete surprise. There was no heads up, no feeling of impending doom, no "a-ha, I knew it."

[Raven]

12. OK, that's an accident. I think I can understand that.

I'm talking about a situation where you ... well I don't know what I'm really talking about (no big news!) I guess when it's not a surprise and it's not really predicted.

[Changenow]

14. 12 years ago.

Moments after my son was born I began to hemorrhage. Shortly after that I went into shock. As my husband watched holding our baby as nurse said that she thought I was dead because she couldn’t find a blood pressure or pulse. I did revive from that only to begin to hemorrhage again.

As I was being moved to the operating room I remember telling everyone that I was dying. Later nurses and staff visited me and explained that the reason they didn’t answer me was that they thought I was dying also. It was a peaceful feeling, absent real worry. Surgery was preformed and my husband was informed that I was “out of the woods,” so he should go home and get some rest (he hadn’t slept in 40+hours).

When he arrived home the hospital called and told him the outlook was bleak and he should return immediately. He was greeted at the hospital by a social worker who suggested that last rites be preformed. At that time I was back in the operating room undergoing further surgery. During the procedure I awakened to see the “white light” which I did not perceive in anyway as religious. I could hear but not see the panic of the medical professionals and I knew that this was death. It was very peaceful, I even joked with myself about being too cheap to buy life insurance.

Well, things improved after that. I did get hepatitis from the massive blood transfusions but I’m here to complain about it.

When it was over I had (and still have) a profound sense of my own mortality. I knew after that that death itself isn’t what should be feared. Death is only a problem for the survivors and my death then would have been catastrophic for them.

[Raven]

16. No one would want to have your experience but

what you gained from it most people never have. I agree with you, though, I'm more concerned about the mess I would leave behind and that my loved ones would have to tackle it. Maybe that is what my dad was doing. But how did he know?

[Changenow]

17. It is the void in their lives, not the mess.

For years afterward I would advise a family member, hold my children or even cook a meal and realize that everything would be so different in a wrong way if I had died. They would not have missed me eventually, but the pain that they would have felt for so long was hard for me to imagine.

On edit: I don’t know how he knew, or even that he knew, perhaps with his advancing years he was just cautious but try to remember that the end was peaceful.

That said, I am a practical person, but at one point at the end of my pregnancy I was struck cold by the thought that I would die when the baby was born. This had never happened in previous pregnancies and I didn’t tell anyone because I thought it was a nutty thought, but I haven’t forgotten it.

[DemBones DemBones]

29. My experience was less dramatic but similar. I had what

turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy, an excruciatingly painful condition, and I was screaming in pain and then I wasn't "in" my body anymore but was looking down from up near the ceiling at myself lying on the couch and screaming. Then my little girl came back from the neighbor's house and I saw how scared she was so I somehow pulled myself together and bit my lip so I wouldn't scream anymore. (The power of a mother's love!) So I didn't see the white light, or at least I don't remember it.

On the ride to the hospital, I became very calm and I knew I was going to die but I wasn't afraid and I knew the pain would end when I died. I was concerned about my husband and my daughter because I knew they would miss me very much but I definitely felt I was leaving them. Of course I didn't die, but the baby did, and that was terrible.

I have never been afraid of death since then. Afraid of pain, yes, but not of the end of life. It's not exactly a religious feeling but just a sense of peace -- that when you die there's calm and peace. And, yes, I've read the hypotheses that give physiological reasons for the feeling of serenity but I don't really care if it's God or physiology, it's good to have confidence that death will be peaceful.

What I think about Raven's dad is that he organized the list and everything because he was having that procedure done and he knew there was some risk, especially being in his eighties. But, Raven, I don't know if he had a premonition that he would die or was just being practical, thinking that he could die.

[LynneSin]

15. Yeah - the day after any DU gathering I've been to

I've seen some pretty hurting pups the morning after!

[mlawson]

18. Each of my parents 'knew' a few days before.

Dad had cancer, and was in pain. He kept saying he was dying, but the doctor and nurses didn't think so. I was in complete denial, so I wouldn't hear it until it was obvious (a few hours prior, I suddenly understood it.)

Mother made cryptic remarks about it, the last week of her life. Again, I was in denial; the nurses knew, but they didn't tell me. The last evening of her life, she was lying in her bed, and the TV was on. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "Why don't you go back to campus now? You must have work to do. And be careful, Honey!" She did not wake up the next morning. Ordinarily, she would have begged me to stay with her.

[blondeatlast]

20. Very, very near as a child. Even though I was in a coma,

I remember some eerie, yet somehow remarkably calming things. For instance, I "saw" the Crucifix on the wall (Catholic hospital). I heard voices, not from inside the room, but somehow right beside me--they told me mot to worry, I was too young to go (honestly--this happened; and yet I was unresponsive to light, sound, or pain at the time, or so I have been told). Diabetic coma; before the symptoms were well-known; at the time I was admitted my blood glucose was over 1000 (normal is 80-120 for well-controlled diabetics).

I didn't hear my parents' voices, though.

I think "knowing" might somehow be calming; my dad didn't seem to know and the docs thought he'd be okay (colon cancer in May). He died the morning after he was admitted to rehab.

I don't believe he knew he would die and I somehow feel he isn't at rest because he didn't. I admit I could be projecting my own feelings, though.

[SoCalDem]

21. Twenty nine years ago today, I died...(posted Nov-11-02, 12:20 PM (ET)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/cgi-bin/duforum/duboard.cgi?az=show_thread&om=8894&forum=DCForumID59&archive=yes

SoCalDem (20220 posts)
Nov-11-02, 12:20 PM (ET)
Twenty nine years ago today, I died...
LAST EDITED ON Nov-11-02 AT 12:45 PM (ET)



I was twenty four, and was 7 months pregnant with our fist child.. My husband was in the bedroom packing for a week-long trip.. He and I will never forget the sound.. I was relaxing on the couch and the sound was that of a water balloon hitting concrete.. What I thought was my water breaking, was blood..

I arrived at the hospital with no pulse and no blood pressure..

I was supposed to have been a childbirth statistic, but as luck would have it, my doctor was unavailable and his assistant, Dr.Pak (who spoke little english) , ended up doing my emergency c-section..

Dr. Pak told my husband as they wheeled me into the operating room, that he would try to save at least one of us..Needless to say, he was able to revive me and we both made it..

Thank you wherever you are, Dr. Pak..My boy is 29 today and is on a caribbean cruise with his fiancee.. You did a good job..!!



edit..missed a "y"...$#@!&*( keyboard

[lpbk2713]

22. Yes, but I don't know anything about it.

When I was very young I was playing on the railroad tracks behind our house one day. My older sister yanked me out of the way of a freight train just seconds before it would have run me over.

[REP]

23. I've Been Dead

During a long-ago surgery, I was "dead" for a few minutes. Obviously, they were able to resuscitate me. In addition to being under anesthesia, I was also asleep, so I don't remember any of it. The odd thing is that my mother had had another child who was born on 12/26, as I was (different years) and who died 12/8 - the same date as my temporary unaliveness.

I have a pretty good idea of when and how I will die; having advanced kidney disease does that. Of course, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but barring that, I'm pretty sure what will happen. Is it "nice" to know? No! It fucking sucks.

[sasquatch]

24. Me too

I died in my coma a couple of times.

[revcarol]

25. I had a reaction between two drugs.

I ended up in the hospital, listening to the nurses and doctors, unable to move or speak, and hearing every word they said and knowing every movement they made.I remember feeling cold,covered with blankets, and I knew this was death.Then I rember feeling warm again, and one of the nurses said, "Cancel that call. She's alive." I had spontaneously recovered. (Later found out my heart had stopped and started by itself.)Then, a doctor came through with some medical students and explained my condition to them, saying it was similar to a case of anaphylactic shock and that I would probably be dead in about 10 minutes.I remember being totally FURIOUS that he was predicting my death because I KNEW I would get well!

The next day he came into intensive care, I had my eyes closed, but I recognized his voice. I angrily told him what I had heard, and that I recognized his voice from the day before. I hope he learned his lesson! He certainly was embarrassed in front of his students!!

No white light, no feeling of peace, no feeling of distress, no silent prayers, just seemed natural both to die and to recover.

The strangest thing about the whole event was that when the doctor had given me that last prescription I had asked him several times,"You're sure you want to give me this medicine? You know I am on xxxxx<" and he kept looking at me as if I were a complete nut for questioning him over and over again.Did I have a premonition? Possibly.

Didn't answer your question, I know. But the best thing for a person who is dying or has some incurable disease is hospice. It helps to improve the quality of life for all, the patient and the family, etc.
I have never known anyone who knew they would die soon except someone with an incurable disease...and they are more concerned with the quality of their last days and hours, and leaving their family with dignity and some sense that everything that could have been done was done, and now it was time to say goodbye.

[corarose]

27. They do know believe me they do know!

The Christmas before my Mom died I got a feeling that it would be her last Christmas and she was only 58 and her health wasn't that bad. She was blind from diabetes but that was it.
She made a comment after I said that it felt like this was our last Christmas together and she said that it was.
She died before the next Christmas.

They know believe me people do know.

Your Dad felt it and its a feeling in your gut that doesn't go away.

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

[corarose]

28. My Sisters best friend was murdered in front of her 5 year old son &

My Sister lost contact with Faith about 1 year prior to the murder because they had an argument. They had been friends since they were 5 years old.
Well, one day my Sister asked me to go past Faiths house and she wanted to stop by and check on her. When we were about 2 miles from her apt. I told my Sister that she didn't have to bother going over to Faiths house and she asked why and I said that Faith was gone and she asked if I meant out of town and I said no she was gone for good.

I felt that Faith was dead and then we found out that Faith had been murdered several months prior to my Sister going to visit her.