Confessions of an American

[Captain Absolut]

Confessions of an American
By Captain Absolut

I believe that terrorism will continue to plague the world for millennia to come as it has plagued the world since the dawn of civilization.
I believe that the United States government, in the past 58 years, created all the internal and external problems it faces today.
I believe that all sovereign nations will turn towards a just form of government without the intervention of other nations.
I believe not in the right to bear arms, but the right to arm bears.
I believe that the same mob mentality that created the United States will destroy it.
I believe that the last eight presidents, as well as the current one, have betrayed the United States in one way or another.
I believe in French fries, French toast, and especially the French kiss.
I believe that the television media is liberal, AM radio is conservative, and FM radio just rocks.
I believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.
I believe that a true democracy cannot exist.
I believe people can smoke wherever they want to since it’s not illegal.
I believe that the entire world has the right to disagree with the United States if they believe us to be wrong.
I believe in the right of the American people to protest to the point of disrupting all normal daily operations.
I believe that if cows can’t eat it, football and baseball players shouldn’t play on it.
I believe that the United States president shouldn’t demand that things get done his way, but use compromise like our Founding Fathers.
I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone.
I believe Bill Clinton knew more about foreign policy on his worst day then George W. Bush knows on his best day.
I believe that World War II was the ONLY just war.
I believe in supporting our troops, not the reckless president that went AWOL for a few years from his National Guard post.
I believe in the philosophy of “Fight Club,” however trite it may be.
I believe that religion is the opium of the masses that breeds fanatics.
I believe that the economy will get strong if people just start buying goods.
I believe that every sovereign nation should have the right to nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons IF the United States has them (though I condemn all aforementioned weapons).
I believe that all world leaders are driven by either power or insanity or both.
I believe Dr. Phil, Oprah, and Martha Stewart abuse the psyche of the American people.
I believe that we live in a combination of an oligarchy and a plutocracy instead of a democracy (which is technically a federal republic).
I believe that if we would stop being the world’s police then, maybe, they wouldn’t hate us so much.
I believe that United States citizens have never elected a president.
I believe music can soothe even the most savage beast.
I believe that homosexuals should be able to get married in every state.
I believe that the easily offended should move to Canada.
I believe that our government lies to us on a daily basis.
I believe that if a sovereign nation is attacked it should not have to obey the “laws of war,” especially if it is cornered like a rabid animal.
I believe in the abolition of the death penalty.
I believe that anyone from the Yukon to Tierra del Fuego can be called “American.”
I believe in the First Amendment, and would die to protect it.
I believe that ignorance is bliss, but wonder why there aren’t more happy people.
I believe in truth, beauty, freedom, and above all, love.
I believe in a well-organized volunteer militia.
I believe that sex sells, but comedy sells better.
I believe that if we closed down most of the military bases not in our country we would pay off the National Debt in 3 years.
I believe in both the individual AND the community.
I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
I believe that conservatives are always wrong, liberals are mostly wrong, and moderates are brainless.
I believe in one nation, ----- ---, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
I believe in people who believe in something, but are open enough to change their opinion if given a logical alternative.
I believe that we are all fools and until we realize we are fools we will never become better people.