"You really should work on that negative attitude thing"

[Boudicea]

to quote Milton LeBerle. Unrelated to the kid-friendly post, but this is exactly my problem. A previous post had folks raving about how great it is to be in their 40s. How do you stop concentrating on all the things in life that haven't worked out. I hate being so negative and I'm constantly self-aware of it and am trying to work on it. It's not that I'm grossly unhappy, I just tend toward the negative. Any helpful suggestions?

[Kellanved]

1. not really - only this smily.

[Boudicea]

2. That made me laugh!

[FlashHarry]

3. Well, considering you're a 1st century celtic warrior-queen...

...I'd suggest you relax, drink a little mead, wipe the woad off your face and try to worry a little less about the Romans (they'll be gone in a couple of centuries, anyway).

[Boudicea]

6. That made me laugh, too. Y'all are terrific!

[TXlib]

8. Yeah, let's hope your current incarnation

does not suffer the fate of the last one.

[xJlM]

4. Live in today

Let go of the past (learn from it, first) and be greatful for what you have today. It works for me, anyway.

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery
I got to live in Today

[supernova]

5. It's more the realization that

you're not going to change the things that didn't work out overnight. And in fact, nobody but you cares about them anyway.

when you hit 40, you just realize you're expending a lot of your precious energy on things that don't matter. So you let those things go and concentrate your energies on things you can actually do something about. I did. And I don't regret for a minute! :D

[SoCalDem]

7. I try to employ the 100 year rule..

a hundred year from now, it won't make any difference


and for the ones who want to be older.. I found this little gem at www.b3ta.com

[Qutzupalotl]

11. That is TOO funny.

Geez, you made my day, SoCalDem.

[wellstone_democrat]

13. fabulous!

I haven't laughed that hard in a week or more.

[SweetZombieJesus]

9. To hell with anyone who criticizes you for being negative

If you're all gloom and doom all the time, it might be warranted, but I get sick and fucking tired of people trying to browbeat me into pasting on a plastic smile and acting "happy" all the time and saying nothing but positive things. Newsflash: A lot of stuff sucks, and I won't pretend that it doesn't just so you don't have to have your precious bubble of positivity punctured.

I swear, these people would forcibly put us all on Zoloft if they had their druthers. I'd rather experience the full gamut of human emotions, and that means that sometimes I'm going to be pissed off, sad, or apathetic, and not some god damn happy singing Muppet all the time.

[SOteric]

12. Ya know, it's not all black and white.

It doesn't have to be an 'either/or.' You don't have to go through life either being morose or having the sun shine out your ASCII files.

If someone wants to try shifting their disposition, that should be an option for them that we can support, too.

Many solid studies show that the health of an individual can benefit greatly from alleviating some of the negative thinking in a person's disposition.

[SweetZombieJesus]

14. I'm not saying it's either/or

I just get sick of being attacked by the fucking Smiley Squad whenever I DARE to say that something the masses jizz themselves over isn't that great. And really, what business is it of theirs if I'm unhappy? Most of these people know NOTHING about me, and frankly, should keep their bullshit armchair psychology to themselves.

[geniph]

18. I agree with you there, SweetZombie...

I have a visceral reaction to people who walk past me and chirp, "Smile!" at me without knowing one single thing about why I might not be doing so at that moment. It's offensive. I've been known to respond by saying, "Give me a reason to smile - leave."

[yeti]

23. There was a cashier at the grocery store ...

... near where I live. This was a few years ago. Anyway, she was very pretty and nice, and I always tried to get into her line if she was working when I shopped. Not really hitting on her or anything like that, just to chat. She was nice.

Anyway, after about a year or so, there was a period of a few weeks or so when every time I saw her she always looked PISSED or like she was on the verge of tears. So one day when she was ringing me up, she asked the perfunctory "How are you?" in a gloomy tone. I said "Fine, I guess, except I think maybe you should *cheer* *up*." I said it in a kind of mock-annoyed tone, I wasn't trying to pry, but my intent was to find out what was wrong.

She got ALL upset! "Well, I think maybe *you* should know a little bit more *about* someone and what they've been through before you go around telling them to *cheer* *up*!" I was very embarassed. I knew she mistook my meaning, but all could say was "You're right, I know I should, I'm really sorry."

I was stupid. I had noticed she had been upset for a few weeks and it should have been obvious to me that a Very Bad Thing had recently happened to her. Actually, that was where I was going when I said what I did, but I should have stopped to consider that maybe a little reverence and respect for the emotions of someone who was obviously hurting might have been more appropriate than flirting, which was basically what I was doing.

I never found out what happened, she quit or got fired soon after that.

[geniph]

26. That's exactly it, yeti

that's why I dislike people demanding that others put on a happy face and act cheerful when they don't know anything about them. I mean, maybe their dad just died, or they just found out they've got cancer, or something. It's okay to not be Little Mary Sunshine every minute of every day so long as one is civil.

[Interrobang]

28. Hee hee hee!

The next time someone says "Smile" to me, that's *exactly* what I'm going to say! I'm not a "happy" person by nature; nor am I a particularly "sad" person by nature. I exist in a state of punctuated equanimity. I know I don't seem that way when I'm here, but it's generally true. People who expect me to smile all the time are violating my nature, and, as such, should not expect me to be well-adjusted about it. :)

[SOteric]

16. So you're saying...

This is all about you and your experiences really, and has nothing to do with the original poster to this thread...?

[SweetZombieJesus]

17. Well, its sort of related, in that I bet the original poster isn't really

that "negative", just called so by the Happy Happy Joy Joyers.

[SOteric]

20. But

she's expressing a desire for change.

Whether she's 'all that negative' or not shouldn't be a pre-requisite to her feeling that need.

I see what you're saying.

Underneath the interpretation of her trauma as similar to your own is a charming sense of affinity. I know you mean well.

You're just different people, probably looking for very different things in your life right now.

If underlying her comments, she truly wishes to be affirmed in her negativity, I hope that she'll find a clearer way to express that and that she'll find it in this community.

If underlying her comments, she truly wishes to effect some personal growth in a differing direction than she's taken to date, I hope she'll find something in the suggestions that are made.

And I very much hope no one tries to kick your ass for not glowing with rapture for life every 10 to 15 minutes of your existence. ;-)

[Qutzupalotl]

22. Reminds me of what Bill Hicks used to say

when somebody would tell him, "You know, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile!"

"Yeah, and it takes more energy for you to point that out than it does to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

[SOteric]

10. I got through a really awful patch in my life

by taking a blank note book and writing every day at least one positive thing in my life. At least one thing for which I was grateful. Even if all that I could think of that day was that 'I'm alive and I'm not yarking into the toilet today.'

After a period of time it does refocus your mindset.

The actual experiences of a person who's more negatively oriented are not usually substantially different from those of optimists. But their emotional catalogues are different. When they thumb through the virtual pages of their lives in their minds, the focus is on very different things.

[Qutzupalotl]

15. Self-acceptance

You are who you are, where and when you are, for a reason. Just to be you. We all have so-called "good" and "bad" qualities...that mix makes us who we are. So it's a win-win situation; if you want to improve yourself, that's okay, and if you'd rather stay the same, that's okay, too. Some changes are gradual. Think baby steps.

SOteric's advice about gratitude is good too. Look around and ask yourself if you're thankful for each thing you see. Coffee cup? Sure beats drinking out of the carafe. Kudos to the inventor. Chair? Sure beats sitting on the floor. DU? Rocks. Fresh air? Can't be beat. On and on. Take it as far as you can and you'll feel much lighter.

[MiltonLeBerle]

19. Don't dwell on the past-

what you're saying is one of the points I was trying to make in the:
"Ever been dumped, rejected or laughed at?" thread.

Not everyone wants to relive their painful moments, and my advice would be not to.

Coming to the realization that everyone sucks helps a lot too...

and how about this- just the fact that you are sitting in front of your computer puts you well in the top 1% percentile of living creatures. think of all those that have had and still have it so much worse than you.
above all, live for today, live for what's coming around the corner tomorrow, but don't live for or in the past. pick a short term goal, and live to achieve it. Once you have, set another one then another, and even another after that one.

If you're dwelling on your regrets now at 40, what are you going to like when you're 60? 80?

[CBHagman]

21. Find a friend who makes you laugh

At the worst times in my life, it really meant a lot to spend time with a friend who could make me laugh, spend an evening at the movies, etc. Sometimes I laughed and cried hard on the same evening.

If you're stuck on your own, find something funny to read (David Sedaris, Bill Bryson, or ??) or watch (your choice). It does help.

[realFedUp]

24. Sit in a wheelchair for a week

(if you aren't disabled) pretend to be for a week and
deal with getting around...when you get up the next week,
you should be feeling better.

[DBoon]

25. Age cures everything

How do you stop concentrating on all the things in life that haven't worked out


After a certain age, you just forget these things. What you can't remember can't bother you

[geniph]

27. You know what's worked best for me, Boudicea?

to eliminate two words from my vocabulary and replace them with two others - eliminate the utterly useless phrase "if only" and replace it with "next time." There is nothing you can do to change the things you regret with the words "if only," but you can hope to learn from those circumstances and vow to do things differently "next time."

[Boudicea]

29. Thanks everyone for your comments

I say again, y'all are the best. I love DU!