"Patriot Act II" seeks to block Johnny Van Zandt performing "Free Bird"

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

In a clear demonstration of the "unprecedented level of cooperation" between government agencies cited by Attorney General John Ashcroft sought in fighting the War On Terror, officials today filed a temporary restraining order against Lynyrd Skynyrd frontman Johnny Van Zandt.



In a 1800 page document released to CNN this morning, Ashcroft sought to demonstrate how Van Zandt's continued performance of the song "Free Bird" threatened to undermine a free, democratic nation safe from terror.

Ashcroft: For the record, please state your name.
Van Zandt: Johnny Van Zandt.
Ashcroft: And your profession, Mr. Van Zandt?
Van Zandt: Well, I'm the lead singer for Lynyrd Skynyrd...
Ashcroft: Excuse me? I didn't quite hear you...
Van Zandt: I said "I'm the lead singer for Lynyrd Skynyrd"...
Ashcroft: OH..."Lynyrd Skynyrd"...well, Mr. Van Zandt, doesn't Lynyrd Skynyrd already HAVE a lead singer...named JOHNNY Van Zandt?
Van Zandt: Well, sir, he was my brother, and he's gone now...
Ashcroft: I see...so you just thought you would step in and take the rest of your brother's band hostage while you undermined the security of our NATION?
Van Zandt: Excuse me?
Ashcroft: Mr. Van Zandt, can you identify this video tape for me?
Van Zandt: Yes, sir, that's the "Lynyrd Skynyrd Tribute Tour." We're all real proud of that one, the first time we all got back on stage...
Ashcroft (interrupting): And are you the person in this clip, seen introducing the song "Free Bird?"
Van Zandt: Yes sir...
Ashcroft: And can you please tell me what you are saying?
Van Zandt: "Only one man can sing this song."
Ashcroft: Excuse me?
Van Zandt: "Only one man can sing this song."
Ashcroft. "Only one man can sing this song"...and yet night, after night, after NIGHT...on stages all across America...ANOTHER man is singing this song, isn't he?
Van Zandt: Well, I...
Ashcroft: ISN'T HE?
Van Zandt: Yes...
Ashcroft: And who is that man?
Van Zandt: Me.
Ashcroft: Ahhh...."ME."
Van Zandt: No, ME.
Ashcroft: That's what I meant, "you." Ladies and gentlemen, no further questions.
Van Zandt: Er...Mr. Ashcroft, it's just you and me standing here...
Ashcroft: I know that! And did you take my STRAWBERRIES?

:evilgrin: