Need advice. Irresponsible parents/CPS

[maveric]

My son has a 12 yr old friend whose family just moved out of the neighborhood and are now living in a motel. After school he shows up at my house, with my son. He tells me that he has to stay here (my house),till his mom picks him up. His mom never called me to ask me to watch him. She just shows up, whenever, and takes him with her. This was ok once, but now its an everyday thing. On 3 occasions I had to cancel my plans because I didn't want the kid on the streets. Last night she came by, secretively, and picked him up at 9:00 PM., avoiding me (I was in my room on my computer).
Today, after school, he shows up again. I told him to call his mom immediately because I was leaving soon. She comes by and tells me that she is not being presumptuous that I would have to babysit and feed her kid. "Just do what you have to do and he'll BE FINE BY HIMSELF ON THE STREETS TILL I CAN COME FIND HIM"! HE'S 12 YEARS OLD, and she's ok with him walking the streets till she "finds him"!
This woman is a real piece of work. I asked my son about the family situation and he tells me that his dad is home all the time but he's with his buddies doing cocaine and smoking weed. The mom works and chooses to let the kid wander the streets rather than stay home with papa.

I realize that the family situation is a tough one, and my heart goes out to the kid but I feel I may have to report this to CPS (child protective services). Doing so will rip the family apart and I feel that retaliation may occur.

So...should I report this or take the kid in everyday till his mom comes by to get him. He's a good kid and I feel sorry for him.

Whats your advice DUers?

[flamingyouth]

1. This is just a heartbreaking story

But I really think you should get CPS involved. Between the neglect and the blatant drug use, someone needs to take an interest in this child. How sad and depressing. Thank you for caring about this kid. :cry:

[Book Lover]

2. Go to CPS

CPS is not usually is the business of destroying families, at least if the books I work on are any indication. Put it this way - is this young man safer in the situation he is in now, with an unwilling caregiver (you, and I only mean unwilling insofar as you have not been asked) or in a possible foster situation, or a situation where he is at home but the family is monitored for a time by CPS?

[maveric]

6. I will probably call them.

I'm in San Diego, and its not the best of neighborhoods here. There is a street corner where the neighborhood dregs hang out. Drinking and drug use happens there all the time.

I'd like to help the kid but I'm a single parent of 3 who is having a tough time providing for, and watching out for my own kids. Lst night I had to walk around the neighborhood looking for the kid because he left my house without telling me and was getting into a fight at "the corner".

I just feel bad an guilty that I dont want to babysit and be responsible for an underpriviliged kid with a bad family situation.

[flamingyouth]

9. Please don't feel guilty

At least you care about the kid, and that's a lot more than his own parents are doing. This is just a horrible story and you are doing the right thing. :hug:

[Book Lover]

11. Please do NOT feel guilty!

You are being burdened by a responsibility that is not yours; the parents are the ones who should properly feel guilty.

Does that help?

He is probably also looking up to you as a responsible adult. Maybe you should speak with him before you call, so he might better understand your reasoning? I don't know, just sayin'...

Best of luck to you, your son, and this young man and his family. You know we're here to listen and (hopefully) help.

[donco6]

3. CPS Immediately.

Don't wait. . . call now.

[Darth_Kitten]

14. I agree, call the authorities.......

Your concern for the child shows a lot about your character, but his family is in definite crisis. Some proper intervention is needed.

Don't feel guilty, why should you? :hug:

[Feanorcurufinwe]

4. The poor kid

I don't know anything about CPS from personal experience so I don't have any advice for you, I just feel for the poor kid and you... good luck.

[tigereye]

10. well as someone who used to work at a form of CPS

long ago and far away, it is sometimes better if you can find another solution before you involve a lot of intense bureaucracy. Although sometimes the bureacracy has more options and resources than the families do!

Could there be some after school program she could take him to, like a Boys and Girls Club? She may be trying to make the best out of a bad situation. JMO

[maveric]

12. The mom is not too swift, if you now what I mean.

She was adamant about letting him hang around on the streets till she can find him. She told me that he's a strong, tough kid and can handle himself.

WTF is wrong with people???

[Darth_Kitten]

16. That mom is an enabler......

that's what's wrong with her. Funny how she can make YOU in effect "responsible" for her kid and she and the drug addicted daddy get off scot free.

That kid deserves better.

[tigereye]

19. oh, okay. That's a little different.

That's why they need that parenting license. Just kidding, well mostly.

[maveric]

13. Dupe

[rpannier]

5. Turn them in to the authorities n/t

[Zookeeper]

7. Yikes!

That's a challenging situation!

If you are willing to take him in, that is very kind of you. But what if you were called out of town on an emergency, or you or a family member became ill? The child would be out on the street again.

If you know an extended family member of the child, you could try seeing if they could help.

I think this needs to be reported to CPS. If you are concerned about retaliation, then report it to the child's school or, even better, encourage the child to tell his teacher or school counselor about it. Has the school year ended in your district?

Good luck!! (And please let me know what happens!) :thumbsup:

[maveric]

8. School ends next week.

Will he be left on his own here, while I work?
I'm really in no position to "take the kid in", and I feel like an asshole for not being willing to do so.

[Zookeeper]

15. I seriously doubt...

from what you've said, that his parents have made any summer plans for him beyond just turning him loose.

You are NOT an "asshole." Even if you were going to be home all day and you were willing and able to take him in, you would have no real authority or control over his situation, unless you became his foster parent. I'm no expert in any of this, but if things get worse for him at home or he starts getting into more trouble on the street, you won't have the power to do anything but watch or call the authorities.

Seriously consider calling his school tomorrow, unless you want to call CPS yourself.

On edit: If he is leaving your home and getting into fights on the street corner, you probably don't want to leave him alone in your home all day.

[carpetbagger]

18. Don't feel like an....

You are willing to take him in. You should really ask yourself who it helps to do that (see my post below, I think it helps nobody except his parents).

[carpetbagger]

17. My two cents...

You place both yourself and your son in a difficult position by allowing this arrangement to take place. You run the risk, although not very likely, of having liability for this kid acting in loco parentis. Your kid's learning how to let people walk all over him, as well as having some quality bonding with a violent and troubled kid. I don't know how likely it is, but I'd be worried about the end result being shotgun rounds being pumped through your windows at the kid, your son, or all of you. More likely is that within the next six years, your kid ends up along on this kid's adventures.

One critical question to ask is if you're actually doing anything positive for the kid. It sounds like he's wandering the streets anyway from your subsequent post. So by not putting your foot down, you hurt yourself, all of your children, and the kid does not benefit, since he's already learned in a short period of time how to use your house without gaining the benefit of it actually keeping him off the streets. The only people who benefit are the kid's parents. Mom gets to live in her world of denial, and dad gets to carry on.

Your heart's in the right place. Unfortunately, the intuitive answer of helping the kid by opening your doors up in the way you've been demanded to do doesn't actually do what it feels like it should be doing.

[maveric]

20. This was all dropped on me. She assumed I would care for him

and when I confronted her she said that I was in no way placed as the responsible adult. Even though I was.
I try to do good for my fellow man/woman but sometimes my good nature gets me into these types of jams.
The next time I see her I will tell her that what is happening is not legal and its definitely not doing her son any good, and that CPS might be involved soon.
Damn! I hate telling others how they should "parent".

[Zookeeper]

21. Whoa! Maveric!

You are rightly concerned about this boy's safety; don't worry about telling his mother how she "should parent." She is neglecting her child and leaving him vulnerable and highly at risk of making very dangerous choices or being exploited.

I hope you don't mind me pressing this point: Call his school or CPS yourself. Unless the mother agrees to sign the boy up for a supervised youth program (as Tigereye suggested), she is likely to do nothing. It just doesn't sound like she thinks leaving him on the street is a problem. If you wait until school is out, that is one less option you have for getting him help.