One of my best friends committed suicide.

[coloradodem2005]

I came home from my DFA meetup. My mother was called by my former Scoutmaster who told her what she told me after my return. One of my best friends committed suicide 3 days ago. I am still in shock. I never would have thought he would have done it. He was dumped by his girlfriend a month ago. He was depressed about that. He may have had other issues, roommate conflicts, issues with school and he was also in Air Force ROTC. I never in a million years thought that he would have done anything like this, never. I am still trying to process this. I am going to the funeral on Friday Morning. If Heaven and Hell exist, then I hope to God that he is in Heaven. This is too unbelievable. I just could never believe that he would do this. He seemed so stable. How? Why? What could have driven him to this? How could it have been prevented? Now I am thinking if I could go back in time to change one thing, it would be that. I am in shock. Why?

[rhino47]

1. I am deeply deeply sorry for your loss.

Suicide is never explainable.It leaves so many questions and never any answers.How utterly tragic a life gone so needlessly.
I cringe at the thought of a person in so much pain.
Sincerely
Lindy




When you remember me,

It means that you have carried something of who I am with you.

That I have left some mark of who I am on who you are,

And when I die, you will see my face and hear my voice,

And speak to me in my heart.

There is no prayer we can pray so well.

~Frederick Buechner~

[LastKnight]

2. sometimes its the people you least expect.

some people get good at putting up fronts little by little, for a long time ive been battling depression and was suicidal, and no one knew the difference, not even my family because i had gotten that good at hiding it, but it didnt make the problems go away. society tells us that seeking help in some things is a sign of weakness... i say fuck it, society has cost me enough anyway and it nearly cost me my life cause i was unwilling to even ask for help from my friends. once i realized that, i stopped covering and got some help, and im better for it.

people who think like i did can end up drowning in thier own frustration, and losing hope, i think thats maybe what happened with your friend. but its just speculation.

anyway, im sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

-LK

[yardwork]

3. I'm so sorry.

This happened to me when I was twenty. I lived with a lot of missplaced guilt for a long time. After therapy, I gradually came to realize that I was not responsible for my friend's choice.

My heart goes out to you, as well as to your friend's other friends and family.

[Skittles]

26. do not look at it as a choice

at the time of a suicide they feel they have no choices.

[agates]

4. Hug

coloradodem2004, sometimes people are in so much psychological pain that they believe they cannot go on with life. Please do not blame yourself. It sounds as if there were no warning signs, nothing you could have done. Take the time you need to grieve and then remember your friend in happier times.

[coloradodem2005]

8. There were no warning signs.

I am just in too much shock. It makes me realize that with all of the problems I have that I need to seek help. I don't want to end up like him.

[agates]

14. PLEASE

Seek help if you need to. If you need help sorting through how to find help, post or PM me.

[coloradodem2005]

18. I am planning on doing this.

Tomorrow. I got a number. I will call it. If there is anything else I need, I will let you know.

[agates]

22. Take care

Be kind to yourself.

[Heyo]

5. Geez that's horrible......

I truly wish you the best. I wish something I could say could make it feel better. My prayers are with you 100%

You know, sometimes I complain about my life. Reading somethign like that makes me realize.. damn.. I have it pretty good.

I have never had a friend commit suicide, but I have lost a friend very suddenly at a young age.. (car accident) .. and I know it's a terrible shock and seems so senseless and tragic.

But, the passage of time WILL allow for healing. That I can guarantee.

If there's a God, then I hope this will be the time for you that 'there is only one set of footprints'..

Much love,

Heyo

[Taverner]

6. My thoughts are with you

[FizzFuzz]

7. col, my deep sympathy to you

I am so sorry.
If he had wanted you to know, he would have let you know...

[coloradodem2005]

10. Even his own family didn't know.

[FizzFuzz]

19. ahh dear dear

:patting your hand:

for now, just breathe

[TheWizardOfMudd]

9. Who said it was suicide?

Cops screw up all of the time.

MAYBE IT WAS MURDER.

[coloradodem2005]

11. NOT FUNNY.

[TheWizardOfMudd]

13. Why do you think I was making a joke?

?

[coloradodem2005]

17. Maybe you are right.

Now, many of us who know him are trying to deal with the grief. The speculation can wait until we come to that brige.

[Mobius]

24. Screw that. This person is an asswipe that doesn't deserve your reply.

And they are not right. Thier big proof is 'cops fuck up all the time'. Well crime labs outside of texas don't.
Jerk

Big hugs colodem. I feel for you, more than you know. I,perhaps more than anyone else here, feel so deeply sorry for your loss. PM me sometime if you want to talk about it.

[Oreegone]

12. I have had 2 friends that committed suicide

What I can tell you is there probably was nothing you could have done.

We always want to see ourselves as someone who could have prevented this. We rarely are. If you knew why, he wouldn't have committed suicide. Whatever the reason it was something he felt he could not communicate.

All you can say is what a waste, what a shame but hey it happens and you have to let go of the guilt. You are not a therapist or a counselor. Sometimes people just get in a certain state of mind and they do something they might not have done if they sneezed, saw something on TV went out to eat etc. The possiblities are endless.

Let it go and mourn for your friend who harbored such despair they couldn't share it, and realize the meaning and importance of your own life and go forward.

DFA needs you and your country needs you to help take it back. Do Good, we need to make a positive contribution with our lives.

And lastly I am sorry to hear of the untimely demise of your friend and your loss.

[Crunchy Frog]

15. I'm really, really sorry that happened to your friend.

I don't really know what to say or how to respond to such a shocking and tragic event, except just to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and I care about you.

Thank you for sharing this with DU, and I hope that the support you get here will be some help to you in coping with this.

I wish that I had something more helpful to say, but I truly am not able to come up with words to adaquately respond to something like this.

I hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

[Westegg]

16. Very sorry. I know it hurts. It's OK to be shocked, confused...

...stunned. Angry. At yourself, at your friend. I went through the same thing a few years ago. It does get better with time. In the meantime, just let your emotions be what they are now. That's the healthiest thing, I guess. Wow. Sounds like this was really an unexpected thing for you and for those around you and your friend. That's really sad. My best to you.

[Mr. McD]

20. It is a time to be concerned about his family

Sometimes family members can assume responsibility for a suicide. About 14 years ago my wife's oldest son by a previous marriage committed suicide. She blamed herself and after about 6 months attempted suicide herself. It failed and we got past it but often it does succeed. It is not something to be take lightly. If you are close to the family there are groups that can help them deal. Be a friend, help them find suicide support groups, you may save a life.

[coloradodem2005]

21. I want to help them.

I fear they may be swamped with family right now. I want to do what I can for them. I need to figure that out without overstepping my bounds.

[OneBlueSky]

23. oh, man . . . that is so sad . . . deepest condolances to you . . .

for your loss, and to his family . . . depression is a terrible disease, and it seems epidemic these days . . . take care of yourself and help his family out if you can . . . :hug:

[Skittles]

25. suicide is the end of the road of a life of torment

many people are able to mask their feelings for years. It's never one thing, it is the accumulation of things until their coping mechanisms completely break down. My dad committed suicide and for the rest of my days I will remember him almost like a frame without a picture. There's things you don't know and you never will kinow. I don't think people who have never suffered from depression can ever understand how bad the pain is. The worst illness on earth does not kill you - it makes you kill yourself. I sympathize a great deal with you - and him.

[Ellen Forradalom]

29. Well said, Skittles.

It is all too true.

[Skittles]

38. thanks forraladom

the ignorance surrounding suicide is astounding. It makes me want to scream when I hear people refer to suicide victims as "cowards" or believe in that ridiculous expression that suicide is a "final solution to a temporary problem". That is a severe lack of understanding of a terrible, terrible illness.

[Mnemosyne]

27. my heart is with you

I've dealt with too many suicides of friends and family in my area of country "God" could never punish someone in such terrible pain. Your friend is at one with "God" now. I will also be at a funeral Fri., my Dad's. atv accident. his father also committed suicide, my Grandpa. Again, my heart is with you and your friends family and loved ones.

[Ellen Forradalom]

28. I too lost a friend and lover to suicide

The survivor's guilt can be crushing, but know it is not your fault. Take excellent care of yourself, not just now but many years into the future.

Much love to you.

[Champ]

30. I hope you get through with it

I asked myself the same questions when a close friend of mine hung himself in the school restroom.

[Red State Rebel]

31. So sorry! Lost a cousin to suicide last year....

It is a frustrating angry act that nobody can really prevent. Once a person has made up their mind to do it, there is very little anyone can do.

[GOPisEvil]

32. My condolences on the loss of your friend.

[demnan]

33. I'm so sorry for your loss

It's really tragic when someone you know dies of suicide. My cousin took his life 8 years ago. Just remember, there wasn't anything you could do, it's not your fault.

[mac56]

34. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

He was an important person in your life, and I'm sure his tragic loss has left you feeling empty. Choices that our friends make are often hard to understand, especially such powerful ones. I hope you, his other friends, and his family find some peace and understanding about this tragedy. My prayers are with you.

[johnnie]

35. I'm sorry to hear about your friend

Suicide is never reasonable. The few friends I knew that took their life showed no signs. The last one was a few years ago and I talked to him for quite some time that same night. I was to meet up with him, but I had to cancel. He seemed fine and showed no signs that he was in desperation. Later that evening he did it. I was shocked.
I know what you are going thru and all I can say is to hang in there and know that there was nothing you could have done.

[nuxvomica]

36. I am very, very sorry, Coloradodem2004

I lost my best friend this way when I was in my late-20s. I understand some of what you are going through now but can only offer that you will get beyond this, that the pain will erode in time and that the questions you are asking now are irrelevent. I have learned from my experience that perspective is the most important thing you own and should be jealously protected from a world hellbent on taking it away from you. I also learned that the people in my life care for me deeply though they may rarely show it. Sadly, only your own loss can teach you how powerful love can be, how important you must truly be to others.
Please take care of yourself.

[democratreformed]

37. I am sorry for your loss

and for the pain you are feeling.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

39. I am so very sorry. ((((((hugs)))))))))