Little Georgie's Report Card (forwarding email)

[dweller]

May 25, 2004
By Nancy Greggs

Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,

Once again, it is that time of year when we update the parents of our
students on their child's progress, and we regret to inform you that
your son, Georgie, is not doing as well as we'd hoped and expected
when he embarked on his four-year program at our school.

As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class president at the
start of the school year, despite the fact that the majority of his
fellow students did not vote for him. We foresaw problems
immediately, but
were assured by several school board members (who, as we understand
it, are
friends of your family) that this would not result in any real
difficulty. Unfortunately, they have been proven wrong.

In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our best efforts,
Georgie is still reading and speaking at a grade level far below our
usual
standards. At this point, we are not sure if his failure to learn is
due
to laziness and a lack of ability to apply himself to his studies, or
if
he simply lacks the intellectual capacity to improve in these areas.

His oral presentations to the class are particularly troubling; it is
apparent that Georgie has not read the necessary materials, and he
often
simply fabricates facts to hide this shortcoming. In oral exams, he
tends
to repeat the same answers over and over, e.g. "The economy is good;
jobs
are on their way," indicating a profound failure to keep up with the
Current Events portion of the curriculum.

Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories about himself -
which, admittedly, can sometimes be very amusing. During a school
celebration
last May, he delighted his fellow students by coming to class in a
little
"flight suit" (just like the grown-ups wear!), and had everyone in
stitches with his story about the family dog having eaten his report
card
from military pre-school!

On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well with other children.
His "leadership" in the classroom continues to divide many students,
one
against the other. Other study groups, such as our French and
German-language classes, are no longer willing to cooperate with
Georgie's group, even though they have traditionally done so in the
past.

Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility for his
failings, and seems unable to appreciate the consequences of his
actions. Although
he was provided with the best textbooks on the subjects of the
Economy, Job
Creation, The Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged or
completely destroyed within a matter of months. Georgie insists that he
"inherited" these books in poor condition, despite all evidence to the
contrary. (In fact, these same textbooks were previously used by one of
our very best students, who actually returned them in better
condition than he found
them!)

During his first few weeks with us, Georgie quickly became part of a
group of other "problem students." Despite warnings, he has
consistently
befriended children whom we consider to be "bad elements," such as
Little
Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student named Chalabi. Both of these
youngsters have been expelled from other schools due to their
involvement in cheating other
students out of their lunch money. We feel that these kinds of
relationships can only lead to no good, and hope that you will advise
your child accordingly.

Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in the schoolyard, and
recently assaulted a student in another school district, completely
unprovoked. When asked about this incident, Georgie insisted that the
other child was armed and dangerous. When investigation into the
matter proved
otherwise, Georgie changed his story several times: he was just trying
to
"democratize" the other child, the other child's school was harboring>
gang members, and so on. Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so
changed from week to week, we simply can't trust his word at all
anymore.

Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are very loyal,
but tend
to be over-protective. If any of the other students point out
Georgie's
failing grades, these friends simply shout them down and tell them not
to
speak at all. When Georgie was summoned to the principal's office
several
weeks ago, he insisted that his "best friend" come with him. We feel
that
it is in Georgie's best interest to learn to stand up for himself;
failure to do so could seriously damage his ability to handle a
leadership role
in his adult years.

As you are aware, final exams will be held in November, and Georgie's
past performance leads us to conclude that he will not be able to
achieve
the grades necessary to continue on with another four-year term at our
institution.

Yours Truly,
Ms. J.Q. Public, Assistant Principal

hope it's not a dupe.
dp

edit: <<>>

[Ohio Dem]

1. Very nice.

I like it. Sending it out tonight.

[ewagner]

2. That's the best yet!

Thanks for posting.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. That's wonderful!

I love it!

I'd love to see the freepers' attempt to "deconstruct" it. I would bet money that the only criticism they could make of it - that is, the entirety of their argument against it - would be "Well, it's obviously written by a Clinton worshipper".

[silverlib]

4. Great! (n/t)