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El Paso TX
"Madre de Dios!" "A miracle!" "Herdez Tortillas $1.85 for 12?"
These were some of the comments heard after Maria Elena Teresa Soccorro Juana Abierto Hernandez-Ochoa Y Bermudez McTavish found a tortilla with a silhouette resembling the recently deceased former President Ronald Wilson Reagan on its surface while fixing a brown bag school lunch for her son Angus today.
"I was going to make him chocolate covered haggis for school, but decided it was too ethnic. The other children might tease him the way they did when I sent him to school in his father's push-up bra!" she said, through a translator. "So I decided, instead, to make quesadillas for him. I took out the taco and zut, alors et voila! C'est mirable, mon Ami! there was Ronald Reagan!"
"Aye, Melads. It's a sign from God!" said Maria's husband, Heinrich Willibrandt von McTavish III, a Lithuanian immigrant from the Republic of Qatar, "I heard Maria screaming and I came in to see what was up... there was a glow in the kitchen, an unearthly light! Turns out the silly woman had caught her apron on fire. After we got it put out, I saw the tortilla. It's a sign that we are again to become the ruling house of Albania! Heil!"
Neighbors came in throngs to view the tortilla. The McTavishes had to tear down their home to make way for a parking lot and are staying with their neighbors, Fred and Wilma Shawshank-Redemption of 347 Wapping Lye Ct. in El Paso. Since they are charging people $5.00 to park, the McTavishes are planning to rebuild after the furor dies down. The local Circle K zmarket has promised its help and has been setting cardboard aside for the family.
Their son, Angus, seems unruffled by all the uproar. "Gee, it's not like Mom and dad are sore at me or nuthin'" the cute little boy in the red baseball cap and sneakers commented. "Golly-whillikers! I don't even know this Reagan guy... Am I gonna get yelled at or somethin'? Can I take the crotchless panties off, now, Mom?"
The adorable child does, indeed, have something to fear. As this reporter watched, he reached up onto the kitchen table and idly fed scraps of torttilla to the family dog, Cadwallader-Gordon-Forbes smythe McTavish, named after the lad's grandmother. Sudden, horrified silence stilled every voice as the German Shepherd - Chihuahua cross ate the last scraps of Reagan's floury visage.
A watch has been set up in the back yard. That damn dog has to go out EVENTUALLY! Until then, the Republican party and most of President George Bush's current administration are modeling souvenirs out of Play-Dough and waiting the Second Coming.
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