My song lyrics

[Occulus]

Here is the first draft of a song I'm trying to write. Tell me what you think:

THE BROADLEAF CLEARING MASSACRE

One day in the summer of 1841, a
Group of young men gathered in the hot afternoon sun.
They met there to win themselves the girls of their dreams, but
Who knew by the end of the day they would hear their comrades' screams?

Some wanted a test of strength, some wanted a race;
Timid ones among them thought how they might save some face.
Voices became heated and some harsh words were exchanged, then
Suddenly a shot rang out and the situation changed.

Well,

Frederick collapsed, and Jacob rolled,
Fourteen lives were lost that day, or that's what I am told.
Blood in the clearing, what a terrible waste!
All for the sake of a beautiful face.

The ladies were a-shakin', the wounded men moaned.
Fourteen bodies on the grass, their lives so cheaply blown.
Murder in the clearing, what a terrible waste! And
That's why people tend to stay away from this place.

More than a hundred and sixty years passed;
Now you finally know the whole story at last. It's
Been a long time, but the trees still don't grow in the
Clearing where the blood once flowed.

Well,

Frederick collapsed, and Jacob rolled,
Fourteen lives were lost that day, or that's what I am told.
Blood in the clearing, what a terrible waste!
All for the sake of a beautiful face.

All for the sake of a beautiful face!

[Occulus]

1. What- nobody's gonna even tell me it's a BAD song? n/t

[TheWizardOfMudd]

2. You mean, like

Some guys met to fight over some women and a gunfight broke out?

[Occulus]

3. well, yeah.

I kinda thought that was pretty obvious. :)

[TheWizardOfMudd]

4. Like, 15 guys showed up to fight?

And one of them shot the other fourteen and left with all of the women?

That would be awesome.

[Occulus]

5. LOL

Naw, it ended up being a BIG ol' gunfight. Unrealistically big. Like two score.

Understand, the whole thing is made up. There's not a trace of reality in any of it.

edit: There's a slight implication, with the word 'win', that it was a contest of sorts. Like, the women arranged to have a contest, and the men were to decide and couldn't, and a huge fight broke out. They were young men, which would lead one to believe that they could be just that- young, like 17 or 18.

I'm sort of trying to subtly imply a social meme here. Humor me :)