I need some advice...VERY LONG!

[WillParkinson]

I'm 40. My partner, Paul, is going to be 44 this year. Both of my parents are still alive. Paul has his father and his brother (plus the black sheep brother that we don't talk with).

Some of you know that we volunteer at the shelter in Michigan. Today I got a letter from up there. This is the edited version of it:

The worst news is, Jodi is not feeling well. Last week she started to feel a numbness in her left lower leg. And the next day it moved up to her butt area. She thought maybe it was that she had just been lifting too many heavy things trying to get her house in
shape. Then in the next couple of days the numbness moved up into her torso and to her left arm.

Soon the left side of her face was numb. Well on Tuesday she called her Dr. and saw her right away and then she had an appointment in Iron Mountain with a neurologist and they suspected a few things.
They first suspected something like MS but feel now that it is not that. They think that something is either pressing on her spinal cord or that there is something wrong with the right hemisphere
of her brain. They set up an MRI and a spinal tap for June 15th down in Appleton. However today her whole face became numb and the numbness is moving into her right side now, so they are leaving in the morning for Appleton and she will see the Dr.'s 9:30 am Monday
morning, or if symptoms get worse tonight or tomorrow while they are down there (Jodi's parents live in Appleton) they will admit her thru the ER. We are all very scared for her.

We're hoping for something like a pinched nerve (even though they somewhat ruled that out since with that condition the numbness doesn't usually travel that much) or something that they can fix with minimal invasiveness. Jodi is staying calmer than most people would, I believe. She is trying hard not to make it out for the worst before they know anything at all.


We are so short on volunteers right now, it's pretty scary. We have so many animals and not enough good homes. It's just one of those times at the shelter that makes you really angry with people and very sad as a whole.

It looks like Vicky will be going back into the hospital after her Dad's party. She went to see the Dr. today but I don't know what he told her. Her leg was pretty red and they were sure she would end up back in, but she was going to beg her Dr. to let her stay out until after her Dad's party. Her brother and sister-in-law are here from Texas, and her brother from downstate is here and many other family members.

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So, now here's my problem. I don't know what to do. Paul and I had talked about moving up near the shelter but I don't want to leave my family and friends behind - especially my mom. Now, though, it seems that the shelter really needs us, too. I'm sitting here at 4 in the morning agonizing over the fact that I can't help them and thinking that I have to make a choice between my two 'families'.

I know that you can't tell me what I should do and that I have to make that choice myself, but it helps just being able to say it.

Thanks.

[Systematic Chaos]

1. Either choice will be tough, sure.

But, either choice will be correct in your situation as I understand it. In both cases, you will be doing something positive and beneficial for someone, but obviously there will be those who will not benefit from your continued presence. My advice to you, therefore, is to follow your heart on this one, and try not to kick yourself too hard over what you'll be leaving behind. There's no wrong way to go here, really, so take comfort in that at least. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

[WillParkinson]

7. Thank you!

I'm going to need a lot of hand-holding when I talk to mom about this. Either way I know I'm going to be wrong. I'm the only kid so that makes it much more difficult.

[REP]

2. Compromise?

Is there a halfway point between your families and the shelter that would be a reasonable distance for you and your families to travel?

Is it possible you could stay near the shelter temporarily, until the staffing crisis is resolved?

Obviously, my first choice, if possible, is find a way to do both!

[WillParkinson]

3. Midway...

Would still be over 2 hours away. Not a happy medium if we wanted to volunteer, I'm afraid.

I'm just kind of stuck between a rock and hard place, I think. I want to help both and I'm afraid I'll end up helping none.

[REP]

4. Well, Not Exactly

If you stay, you're near your families and will be on hand when they need you.

If you move, you'll be helping the shelter.

If you left, would there be family members who would have no one else they could turn to? Are you and Paul the only people who can get things done for them? Do they need constant care, or is everybody pretty well able to care for themselves?

People can surprise you. My was mother was getting overdependent on me, yet when I moved 2,000 miles away, she managed to get by on her own. Just things to consider!

[WillParkinson]

5. My mom...

Is a rock. She'd look at me and say go but you'd know inside her heart would break.

I'm going to drive myself (and those who know me) up a wall with this now.

Thank you for your thoughts. They're very much appreciated. I like to see things from all viewpoints.

<That plus you've got my Cocoa kitty...>

[REP]

6. One More Thing to Consider...

...and that is, what is best for you (and Paul)?

Okay, I lied. Here's another - they do have phones in Michigan! In my case, being so far away has not diminished how much I talk to my mother and brother. They miss me, but they're also very happy for me that I'm living where I want to. True, I live in SF Bay Area, a faaaaaaar cry from Michigan and its weather, but still - if they're any kind of family, they want what's best for you, even if that means living a little farther away from them.

And Stewart is MY kitty! He's enormous now; about 18 pounds. He's kind of lazy, too, even by cat-standards; he does the minimum amount of grooming to keep himself clean and unsmelly, but he always looks like he just woke up, his coat is so frowzy.

[WillParkinson]

8. Phones....

Of course they have phones. One of them is even an actual PHONE BOOTH! <grin>

I'm very nervous about being 5 hours away in an emergency.