I'm in a really bad mood and don't know why

[belladonna]

Somebody cheer me up with a dirty joke already x(

[Sporadicus]

1. Why Do Men Name Their Penises?

They don't want a stranger making all their decisions.

[darkstar]

2. Will just a punch line do?

(It's gonna have too....)

"Yes! I *love* windsurfing Mt. Baldy."

[traco]

3. I dont know if this will be allowed but-

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. She was getting ready to leave when she noticed there was a difference in the amount of feathers in some of the headdresses. She asked one brave, who only had one feather, what the difference was. And he said:

”UGH! Me only have one feather because me sleep with one squaw!”

Ms. Walters thought he was joking, so she asked a brave who had four feathers in his headdress. His reply was:

“Me have four feathers, because me sleep with four squaws!!”

Still believing the braves were joking with her; she saw the chief standing not far away. Noticing that he had a headdress full of feathers; she laughed, and went to ask him about the difference. The chief replied: “Me CHIEF, me fuck em all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck em all.”
Barbara replied; “you don’t have to be so hostile.” The chief said “hoss style, dog style any style, me fuck em all”. Ms. Walters said, “You ought to be hung”! And the chief replied, “damn right me hung; big like buffalo; long like snake”.

Barbara was getting quite embarrassed by this, and she said “oh dear”. The chief said “No fuck em deer, assholes to high, fuckers run too fast. No fuck em deer”

[belladonna]

4. Now that one made me laugh

It might get my thread locked, but it was worth it :D

[traco]

7. I'm sorry if it does get the thread locked

[belladonna]

11. Welcome to DU

And don't worry about it :hi:

[traco]

15. Thank you

[Endangered Specie]

5. WARNING! Ok this one is really vulgar, tasteless,and anti-West Virginia:

Q- How does a West Virginia Mom know her teenage daughter has PMS??

A- Her son's D*** tastes funny.

[camero]

6. ok

What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through 50 ft of garden hose? Darling.

[amerikat]

8. How do Pinochio and his wife make love?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
..
.

she sits on his face while he tells lies.

[traco]

13. I thought it was

lie to me

tell me the truth

lie to me

tell me the truth:D

[amerikat]

17. I don't actually know them......this is just the way it was told to me

so what kind of wood are they made of anyway?

[Eye and Monkey]

9. There once was a chick, Belladonna

There once was a chick, Belladonna
She said "Dirty jokes, yeah I wanna!"
I told her my best
And was she there yet?
"Another! Quick!" said she, "'cause I'm gonna!"

[belladonna]

12. Was I there yet?

Hmmm.. I better leave THAT one alone :D:

[Eye and Monkey]

23. Belladonna, she liked a good dirty joke

Belladonna, she liked a good dirty joke
She sought them from more than one bloke
But in the end
She found a new friend
Who could always find some fun he could poke.

[belladonna]

26. Oh boy, I could get this thread locked right now with that last line

Keep trying, you're almost there :P

[Eye and Monkey]

30. Belladonna, you're getting quite warm

Belladonna, you're getting quite warm
Said her lover without much alarm
I've given my best
But I will not rest
'Cause three times is always the charm

[belladonna]

31. Only three?

Damn, you almost had me there for a moment....

[texas1928]

32. NO I am not going to say it

NO NO NO, After a while your tongue gets tired. Give him a break.

[Eye and Monkey]

35. Belladonna, insatiable, wanted more

Belladonna, insatiable, wanted more
Said she "If three, why not four?"
Her lover, undaunted
His talent, he flaunted
Said she, "You sure do know how to score!"

[texas1928]

10. AW She is in a bad mood

What to do, what to do?

[belladonna]

14. Well, you know what you COULD do

But we all know you're a tease, so I won't even go there :P

[texas1928]

16. Get Eye and Monkey to do it for you

I already have.

[TXlib]

18. Two hydrogen atoms were walking down the road

One bumped into a uranium atom, and started looking around on the ground.

The other asked, "What's the matter?"

The first said, "I think I dropped my electron."

The other said, "Are you sure?"

The first said, "Yes, I'm positive!"

---

nyuk nyuk nyuk...

[TXlib]

19. What does a constipated mathemetician do?

Works it out with a pencil!

[TXlib]

20. How do you tell the difference between rectal and oral thermometers?

By taste!

[belladonna]

27. Hmm, I detect a pattern here

And it makes me :scared:

[Teddy_Salad]

21. Here, this'll bring a smile to your face

[belladonna]

28. Sigh, that's why you'll always be my number one whipping boy

:loveya:

[TXlib]

22. A doctor was walking down the hall when a nurse stopped him.

She said, "Doctor, there's a thermometer tucked behind your ear."

He took the thermometer and looked at it, then said, "Well, some asshole's got my pen, then."

[texas1928]

24. Here does this help

Read my post. about F***
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1240160&mesg_id=1240253

[belladonna]

33. Helped a little

In that weird, laughing at other's misfortune kinda way :D

[texas1928]

34. They do a replay in the afternoon

My friends and I were roaring with laughter when it happened. The first question out of my mother's mouth when I got home was "I can not beleive you said that out loud."

[amerikat]

25. doctor to nurse at the end of the shift

doc: did you see that patient with the word "tiny" tatoo'd on his dick?

nurse: oh no doctor it said "Ticonderoga NY"

[WillyT]

29. A Couple Of Frogs...

are doin 69, when one of 'em stops and says, "Gee, they're right, we do taste like chicken!"

Sorry... LOL.

:silly:

[belladonna]

36. Thanks for the jokes, gotta take a quick trip to the ER

Night all, and thanks for cheering me up :)

[texas1928]

37. the ER

are you ok?

[WillyT]

38. Um... Could You Let Us Know... Ya Know ???

:scared::wtf::scared:

[belladonna]

39. I'm sorry I scared you

Monster migraine attack and the best defense is a shot of Imitrex as soon as possible. Should've been a little more informative, but I got all caught up in beating the clock on it... sorry guys, please forgive me?

[texas1928]

40. Don't do it again

:spank:

Are you OK?

[belladonna]

42. I'll let you get by with that THIS time

One night only though, don't get too used to it :P

[texas1928]

44. Aw come on

:spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank:

[belladonna]

47. Got it out of your system?

I hope so, because I gotta go to bed and pray that the Imitrex does it's job now. I'll be back with my whip tomorrow night with any luck, and you're first on my list :spank:

[texas1928]

49. OOOOHHHH

I am SO scared. You promise?

[WillyT]

41. Forgiven... You Alright Now ???

:shrug:

[belladonna]

45. Alright would be pushing it, but I'm better than I would have been

I'll feel like crap tonight and tomorrow, but it beats suffering through a migraine from hell for the next week. So I'm happy enough with the results, yeah :)

[SmileyBoy]

43. Ya want me to strip for you???

Someone was able to take a picture of me at the lake today:

[belladonna]

46. That's SO not fair

Always the tease, aren't ya? As soon as I say yes, you'll all remind me of how old and decrepit I am again :evilfrown:

[Eye and Monkey]

48. Said Eye and Monkey "I know life is tough"

Said Eye and Monkey "I know life is tough"
A night in ER can be rough
So what do you say
Would you like to resume play
Said Belladonna "Oh! I can't get enough!"

Hope your imetrx works - cheers