I'm thinking about putting my wedding ring in the jewelry box.

[SarahB]

I've worn this thing (the engagement part anyway) for over 13 years. I want to split up because of a laundry list of stuff (that I don't want to go into because it's personal), but there's a lot to get in order before we can do so. It's not a decision I take lightly by any means (but I should have done it 6 years ago). It seems the thing around here is that it's ok for him to make attempts at "pursuing other women just to see what's out there" (he hasn't even dated anyone though) because I could more easily attract someone if I wanted :eyes: whereas women aren't as interested in him. But the idea of me dating someone else makes him pretty upset at the thought. Double standard there?

Is that false advertising though to not wear my ring? I don't want to be married, but I still am legally and will be likely for at least another year. I even live with the man. I just don't know. What's proper etiquette in this kind of situation? :shrug:

For the record, he doesn't wear his ring because he lost it last year and we decided because of a multitude of issues, maybe we shouldn't spend the money on a replacement.

[flamingyouth]

1. I think you should put it away

You're already emotionally separated, if that makes any sense. And you can explain the situation to the millions of potential suitors who'll be pounding on your door any moment now! :D

[Robb]

5. what flamingyouth said

For me taking it off was the symbol of moving on, or at least that staying as is wouldn't work.

Plus, on a lighter note, it's summertime and you can work on getting that dang ring line off your finger! :D

[flamingyouth]

13. Is there something about moderating that causes marriages to fail?

I can't help but wonder - I'm this term's divorcee. :shrug:

[supernova]

2. FWIW,

My putting down the wedding ring was the first step to the final goodbye. It took me another six months or so to really leave, but I did.

[Mikimouse]

3. I would only suggest, if I may...

that you be very sure that this is what you want. If you do, then there will be times when you will feel very lonely, even in a room full of people. The flip side of it is that you probably feel pretty much alone now, so it is something of a trade-off. I am really sorry that your situation is such, but there is life after divorce, and I am sure that you will weather the storm. I wish you the very best, I am still wearing mine, and probably will continue to do so, even though it is all over but the signing of the papers. Funny world we live in.

[qwertyMike]

Put it back on your finger...

..then go to a jeweller and have them saw it off.

Worked for me. Cathartic.

(Mine was stuck on though)

[amber dog democrat]

4. Its already over.

By now the symbolic value is moot. It appears you are both headed in different directions. Not wanting to be married says it all.

I would stop wearing it.

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. It sounds like you've reached the time to take it off and put it away

I'm very sorry to hear that you are suffering through this. I am always saddened when a marriage collapses. I also feel lucky that for all the troubles Mrs. McLargehuge and I have suffered through we were able to weather it through a combination of blind luck, marriage councelling, and my Portuguese stubbornness. I hope you will both find happiness and fulfillment.

Have you spoken with a marriage councellor?

[SarahB]

7. We were kicked out.

Seriously, the counselor sad she's lost with us. She said maybe individual stuff would be better right now to help us both deal with it. Maybe, but I feel quite clear and relatively content now oddly enough.

[BigMcLargehuge]

14. yowch

booted by a marriage councellor? At least you are feeling better as an individual. Once things finalize it will be better. I wish there was something I could do to help.

[leftofthedial]

8. put it away

don't enable the double standard

it's over when it's over and it's over.

[gumby]

9. don't mean to be rude

but when I read your headder, my first reaction was:

lay off the salt.

See, I thought your ring was uncofortuabe because of "womanly swelling," hahahaha

There is no "proper etiquette." You have to make it up as you go along.

Maybe if you figure out your connection with both of your "ring things," it will give you some clues.

[SarahB]

10. Just the opposite there

I'm thinner than when I got married, so actually my ring is loose and annoying- always flopping around.

My connection is my internal debate of wanting to advertise my singlehood and have a little fun for once in my life, yet knowing I'm not really yet. My need to move forward with my need to make sure I can make everything as good as I can for my children in the situation. Not easy by a longshot.

[LWolf]

11. I've done this twice.

Both were devastating. The second more so than the first.

If you've made up your mind, take it off and move on. If not, give yourself time to be clear about your decision. Then act.

I have one wedding ring in my jewelry box; it's been there since 1987, when the first marriage disintegrated after 10 years. It's not that I think I'll ever wear it again; my boys' dad gave it to me, and they might want it at some point. Especially since he died a few years ago. The second marriage lasted 11/12 years; I was out of the house within 10 days of the big announcement (not mine), and left the wedding ring behind. It symbolized betrayal and a lost, wasted decade of my life. I never wanted to see it again.

The ring is a symbol of the relationship. If you are sure of where the relationship stands, let the ring follow.

[StaggerLee]

12. It sounds like it's over

Do each other a favor and stop sharing a home. You can't move on living under the same roof.

[vetwife]

18. I hate to say it but the divorce won't work out under the same roof

You need to cut ties. Seriously. If the marriage is over...Then move on. I have been there and trying to be single while still legally married does not work. Its a bond issue. I have a wonderful husband now of over 14 years. When my x husband and I tried to separate under the same roof....it did not work. Somebody has to leave.

[Susang]

15. Married woman's opinion here

The ring is only a symbol. I'm married and I rarely wear mine, and neither does my husband. I have an aversion to rings and I'm secure enough in our relationship to know that the ring is only an outward manifestation of an internal committment. If the committment if over, then what point is there in wearing the ring? In my opinion, its more dishonest to wear it, even if you are still legally married.

Now, here's where things get more complicated. If you aren't sure about where your relationship is going to end up, then that's a different story.

[Exultant Democracy]

16. It takes a lot of bravery

if it feels right do it, but only when you are ready. Good luck in the single world, and if you figure out a good place to meet nice singles in CT tell me where cause the bar thin isn't cutting it forme anymore, I guess I am getting old.

[SarahB]

17. I'm clueless

I seem to meet all kinds of people though when I can't do anything about it though. Perhaps, a showing of Fahrenheit 911? :shrug: :D

[Exultant Democracy]

20. Well I am sure a lot of DUers will be at the hartford showing.

I hear that we are quite a good looking bunch.

[Kenneth ken]

19. my condolences

:hug:

I would say that if you are finally decided you want to end your marriage, taking off the ring is a good step.

You can expect guys to pursue you; how you respond to that is purely up to you. I would point out that you could find your potential next husband (if you decide you want one) and that might make moving forward more easy for you in terms of future stability for you and your children.

There really isn't a down side to taking off the ring, except for whatever emotions may play out within you for what doing that symbolizes.

my best wishes for you :loveya: