So today has really sucked.

[Langis]

My position was eliminated at my work so I have to take a demotion, 10,000 less a year. That sure does blow, but I'm dealing with it. I'm telling myself I cam work my way back up. It is still hard though.

I tell my fiancée and she is more upset then me.. really, really upset. Stressed about money, wedding money, our house we don't have yet. Totally freaking out, and I am like :wtf: I was hoping for some support.

So now I’m not just bummed, I’m seriously depressed almost crying and I never cry, I don’t know if I should be mad at her, or upset about the Job. I can’t keep my mind on any one thing. After writing this I do feel a little better, but not much. Thanks for listening!

[Dookus]

1. Sorry to hear it

but really, reconsider marriage.

[nini]

3. I've got to agree ....

this may be a huge sign of what may come later in a marriage. Marriage will be full of challenges like that and if her reaction isn't supportive of you I would be a bit cautious.

Put the marriage on hold a bit and work things out. Hopefully she just freaked out but her first reaction should have been to soften your blow first.

Good luck and hopefully all will work out for the best :hug:

[noahmijo]

2. Your livelyhood is more imporant than marriage...

Consider putting the marriage on hold till you get things back up to speed.

[Lautremont]

4. I don't think it was his marriage that messed with his livelihood.

And when you've had a bad day and you're engaged, you don't need to hear "reconsider marriage."

[Dookus]

5. It's honestly the best advice I can give him

If she responds to this in a selfish, non-supportive way, then it's a bad sign for the future. I've seen way too many friends and relatives ignore all the warning signs of incompatibility, then go ahead and marry, only to be divorce a few years later, often with children involved.

[Lautremont]

6. You're quite right,

that a lot of people foolishly ignore obvious signs of incompatibility. And though I'm no champion of marriage for it's own sake (I'd be at FR if I was, and have no brain), I think that the bigger picture is always the more productive one to look at. People react, then they think. His fiance will probably do just that.

[Taverner]

9. Gotta agree with Dookus here

If her first reaction is not supportive, but worried about $$$ then this is an indicator of things to come...

[Wapsie B]

16. Yeah same here.

You've got to look at things like this as a sign that maybe she and you aren't right for each other. Take it from someone who regrets not listening to his instincts.

[coloradodem2005]

7. That does suck.

I probably would start clandestinly looking for other jobs. Who knows, if we oust Bush, things may improve eventually. I hope.

[k in IA]

8. One big rule of Marriage (maybe she hasn't learned it yet )

Only one person gets to freak out at a time when it is over BIG stuff. The other one (even if it is the person you would have thought would be more upset) is the calm one with some perspective.

It is weird because no one ever agrees to this but I have found it to be true.

Where you so calm and OK about it that she felt free to be the one to react so negatively?

Do you think she would have reacted the same if you had been really upset?

Give her a day or two to try to reassess things and hopefully see the big picture more clearly.

[Langis]

13. I think that was it

I was hiding my feelings when I told her, I was very calm about it. I think that is why she felt ok to react the way she did.

[Doctor Smith]

10. I'm sure in a few days, you'll both be fine.

You'll settle down, and you'll figure out what you need to do to get by, and you'll get on with your life.

[cally]

11. Sorry for all the bad news

I agree with others, give yourself a day or two for this to settle in. Sounds like you are handling this well. :hug:

[Langis]

12. Thanks for the support everyone

I think we will be fine, she just freaked because we have been under a lot of stress. We just needed to talk.

[k in IA]

20. I wouldn't go overboard condemning her about being to concerned

about the wedding money.

It is very easy to lose perspective when planning for a wedding.

It is built up like the biggest thing in your life.

My parents said they would give us $10,000 or we could do a bigger wedding. (This was 13 years ago). I wanted the wedding, not the money and it cost a lot more than 10K.

Now, I look back and think why didn't we take the money instead but you just can't see it during all the hoopla.

I was only 21 so obviously to young to have any perspective.

Brides will freak about shoes or other crap. It is a stressful time and doesn't mean she is a bad person.

[Skittles]

14. Langis, if your gal is stressed about WEDDING MONEY

that's a problem. I would me more stressed that my honey was stressed; f*** the WEDDING MONEY.

[Tom Kitten]

15. Love or Money?

It kinda boils down to that...It's all up to her....Good luck!

[flamingyouth]

17. I'm so sorry

Your fiancee doesn't sound worthy of you. And I hope you can get a good cry in because that can often help. Good luck to you. :hug:

[Fear]

18. and *poof* the dream is gone

Being mad doesn't really solve a whole lot / talking does though. And you would be able to get a lot more information from her just by talking / explaining and setting out some sort of a plan.

Then you could also find out and understand her take on it all.

I dunno I'm not (never been) in that type of situation / there's some understanding from me to the point where she's just so focussed on the whole house / marriage and stuff cause that's probably been in her mind the whole time and was the focuss point.

Perhaps now is a good time as well to shift the focuss point to what's important in life (love) and that can be a scary thing as well (for some). That lasts forever.

On edit:

Good luck ofcourse :), you sure have a strong character - that will take you a long way!

[REP]

19. Bridezilla?

Is she insisting on a huge, expensive wedding? Is that what you really want? If so, then stressing about the wedding money makes sense. If she's the only one who wants a monster wedding ... well, I'd think more than twice. Does she want a husband or a walking wallet?

[RandomKoolzip]

21. How 'bout that "robust" economy, huh?

Can you smell recovery? I can!



Or is that oil burning.....?

[prolesunited]

22. I'm sorry to hear this

But in light of the reduction, perhaps you could scale back on the wedding or honeymoon if you were planning a huge extravaganza. If you're already stressed about money, no sense in going into debt over a wedding.

Does she work? Perhaps she could get a better job? Maybe you both can take on part-time jobs for some extra funds. FWIW, I think you're much better off investing in a down payment for a house than a big fancy wedding that will only last one day.

Good luck. Be glad you still have a job. There are many who have just been shown the door.

[cmf]

23. That does suck

Look on the bright side, at least they had another position for you. You could have been laid off. Take the breathing room that this gives you to start prepping your resume and start looking for another job that is comparable to your last position.

As far as your fiancee goes, it's normal to be totally stressed out before getting married as it is. When roadblocks like this are thrown in the way, it's easy to freak out. So although her reaction isn't the best, it is somewhat understandable. Maybe after she comes to her senses and realizes that you're hurting, she'll be more supportive.