What's the funniest thing you ever heard a kid say?

[Snoggera]

I remember, years ago, one of my nieces was getting ready to become an adolescent. Her mother told her it was time to go to the store to get a training bra.

My niece asked:

Train them for what?

[Sabriel]

1. "It's a doggie dog world out there" n/t

[Bertha Venation]

2. not said by kids but to kids, my niece & nephews, by my sisters:

(I hope this is okay; I'll post a kid one next)

a list of my sisters' instructions to their children about food

~ don't explode your donut

~ don't slap your burrito

~ get the broccoli off your arm

~ don't step on the lettuce

oh, shit! that's all I can remember!

[JCMach1]

3. 'Look Mom, the Easter Bunny Left Easter Slugs'

They had covered the eggs after only a short while... ICK

My daughter's loved it!

[Bertha Venation]

4. Dad, when you were a kid were you a boy or a girl?

by a kid brought to work by his dad yesterday, as they walked past my desk

[Bertha Venation]

5. "I'm not nervous"

kid "What makes my legs move?"

dad "Nerves, honey."

kid "But Daddy, I'm not nervous."

[Snoggera]

6. These are all great!

keep'em comin'!

:toast: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[rocktivity]

7. Overheard in a crowded Long Island Railroad train

CHILD'S VOICE: "Daddy, where are they going?"
ADULT'S VOICE: "There's nowhere to sit in this car, so they're going to try to find a seat in another car."
CHILD'S VOICE: "This isn't a car! This is a train!"

:headbang:
rocknation

[Sporadicus]

8. When My Daughter Was Four Years Old

we were in the car heading for my in-laws' house, when she spotted some fresh road kill. She asked, 'what is THAT?!' I said, 'it's a dead possum, sweetheart.' She didn't mention it during the rest of the trip, but when we got to our destination, the first words out of her mouth were, 'Nana, guess what? I saw a dead hippopotamus on the road!' Nana and everyone else got a kick out of that one.

[m-jean03]

9. A little boy(6) that I babysit for occasionally

Used to ask me if I wanted to see his weiner. He also would ask "Can I grab your booties" which meant, my boobies! :P

[Bertha Venation]

12. no wonder

you're a lesbian ;)

[m-jean03]

17. LOL

Yeah, it was traumatic... :scared:

Naw, actually it was cute, kids are so sweet and innocent!! :D He's still young enough to remember breast-feeding, I think, so that's all boobies really mean to him. :-)

[MuseRider]

10. Sitting in a chilly

restaurant my oldest, about 4 at the time, pulled his arms into his shirt so just his hands were sticking out. I made a comment to my husband about how it looked like he was a thalidamide baby meaning to start a discussion about that (we are both medical people). My youngest, about 3 at that time, shouted out loud that he wanted to be a "little fried baby too." Maybe you had to be there but it was funny to us.

My oldest referred to baby corn as amateur corn.

These seem funny to me but stupid here. I am going to send them anyway.

[Interrobang]

11. It's kind of not "jokey" funny, but...

When I was on my cruise a couple weeks ago, there was a "formal night." Because I don't have really any formal clothes for non-middle-ages venues, I brought my saree and wore it (besides, it packs down really small, and luggage space was at a premium!). I was the only person on the ship wearing a saree (although one of the other women in our party was wearing a very fancy, elegant sulawar kameez).

So I was walking down the ship's corridor on my way to meet up with everyone else at the one bar, and this very small girl, I'd say maybe four or five (young enough not to know better), comes running up to me, grabs a very small handful of my saree and tugs it, and yells, "Mommy! Look at the pretty dress this lady's wearing!!"

It was rather funny at the time...

[Taverner]

13. At Whole Foods, bulk foods section

"They have black beans, pinta beans and other beans....mommy do they have les-beans?"

I swear to God I am not baking this up...

[UrbScotty]

14. On "America's Funniest Home Videos"

In one clip, a girl fell off her bike and said, "My butt hurts. Want to kiss my butt?"

In another clip, a mother told her son that she was pregnant. The son said to his dad, "Way to go, Dad."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

15. This one takes a little explanation

Sandra and Susan (not their real names) were sisters who used to babysit for my brothers and me when we were little, and they stayed in touch with my parents for years, even after we moved to another town.

Eventually, Sandra married a man named Bill, and Susan married a man named Scott.

Sandra and Bill came to visit us when I was in high school, bringing along their five-year-old son Eric and their six-month-old daughter Jennifer. We were all admiring the baby and trying to figure out who she looked like.

"I think she looks like you, Sandra," my mother said.

"Maybe," said Sandra, "but I can see traces of Bill's family in her, too. And sometimes she looks like baby pictures of Susan."

"I think she looks like Uncle Scott," said Eric.

[bratcatinok]

16. My son's story.

We were ready to leave for the airport where my 5 year old son was going to catch a plane to go to Houston. (This was 22 years ago and back then it was ok for kids that young to fly by themselves.) The movie, Middle Aged Crazy with Ann Margaret and Bruce Dern was on television. Bruce and Ann Margaret were underneath the covers and she was yelling bingo everytime she'd have an orgasm.

My son appeared to be enthralled with the movie so I asked him what they were doing. He turned briefly to me and said "They's fucking, Mama." Then he turned back to the movie. It was everything I could do to keep from breaking out laughing. I tried to ask him if he understood what that meant but I just couldn't keep a straight face so I let it go.

To this day I have no clue whether my 5 year old understood what he was seeing but he did know the correct terminology. Needless to say, I still tease him about it today. It makes a great story for me to tell his girlfriends.


On edit: We did find out later he had learned the words from his stepbrother down in Houston.

[Throckmorton]

18. My son asked, If I was born a boy, what was my name going to be

He asked this just the other day, and then realized his mistake. Quite amusing actually.

[KeepItReal]

19. "You don't wanna mess with Shady, 'cuz Shady will...kill you"...

It was funny as hell coming from a little tyke. Way too young to be listening to that Eminem, though, so I blame the parent.

[Purrfessor]

20. When my now 5-year old daughter was 4, we were at a restaurant one night

and the waiter stopped by for the third or fourth time to ask how was our meal. My daughter looked straight at him and said, "I already told you everything is fine. Now how many times are you going to ask that question?"


edited for spelling

[CanuckAmok]

21. I overheard a mom tell her kid he had his shoes on the wrong feet, and...

he replied that she was wrong, because they were his feet.

[peacebuzzard]

22. Are we in "Your Amie" now? (referring to "Miami")

my friend's daughter was barely 3 and was going to Miami with her mom and dad.

[peacefreak]

23. When my daughter was about 4

we were travelling & she really needed to go to the bathroom. I told her to pinch her cheeks together to hold it. I looked at in the back seat & she was pinching the cheeks on her face.