Kids In The Hall fans: Your favorite skit?

[phillybri]

Three words: The Bass Player...

http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/bass.html


Kevin: That's the best bass player I ever heard. He's playin' so sweet, I'm gettin' chubby. You know what I like best about the bass player? His neck.

Kevin: Oh, he made a little mistake. You may not have noticed it, but if you did, I think you'll enjoy my tale. Hmmm....

The mother, the father, the serpent, the priest. The foreman, the woman, the widow, the beast.

Hey, bass player. Look at the bass player. Look at that smile, there's sadness in that smile. Look at that chord structure, there's sadness in that chord structure. Look at him flail like the wailin' wall with nothin' but stubby fingers and a dumb look on his face. He don't know it but he's balding...spiritually. But everybody hates the bass player. No one invites the bass player to the party after the show.

Bruce: Hey, what are you guys doin' after the show? Oh, nothin'? Okay.

Kevin: If he does go to the party, he can only get the good looking girl's... best friend.

Bruce: Is Heather coming?

Kevin: Heather...The bass player is the loser of the band, yes he is, if you don't believe me take a look at the one you're with. But, there's something beautiful about the bass, sometimes when I listen to it, I--I don't know, I get caught up in the swirl, I'm flying, I'm flying Ma, over a big beautiful lake. He's playing the bass and I'm flying. Sometimes when I land I'm in a different neighborhood, but that's okay, 'cause whenever I listen to the bass player, I always bring cab fare. But after all, aren't we all bass players? Aren't you all bass players? They told me this was a bass players convention, you are all bass... Pick up the beat, pick up the beat. Hide the sadness, and tap your feet.

Singing: The mother, the father, the serpent, the priest. The foreman, the woman, the widow, the beast. Aren't you glad that you're not one?

[Guaranteed]

1. Stay DOWN!!!

LOVE that one....Bruce is hilarious...

[curlyred]

2. The unabomber and the girl scout

or....the hole in the sheet........or the bucket of....what was int hat bucket? I can't remember.

[tridim]

3. I had the pear dream again..

and

Sausages!

There are way too many good KITH skits, I could go on all day..

[Guaranteed]

5. Mooooooore....MORE SAUSAGES!!! nt

[King Of Paperboys]

4. I AM CRUSHING YOUR HEAD!

CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH!

[ClintonTyree]

14. Brain juice................

all over the place. Oh, the vomiting Princess!

[DrWeird]

6. Who told me? WHO TOLD ME?!

JIM FUCKING MORRISON TOLD ME!

[meisje]

7. Don't mind me, I mean I'm only crushing your head

crush crush klush

[St. Jarvitude]

8. "Junk Mail Saved My Life"

http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/five/junkmail.html

[Howardx]

9. brad torkelsons armada

featuring herman menderchuk

[phillybri]

10. Let's play "Eat My Pancakes"!

Check, check, check...

[glitch]

11. Mark McKinney as the evangelical preacher comedian first

and second as chicken lady, especially the one where she's on the blind date with David Foley. Serving him eggs. Her own.

[phillybri]

13. They're fresh from my body right to your plate....

:-)

[tridim]

18. Or the one where she rides the coin operated horse

so she can get off. Holy crap that was funny. Or Rooster Boy at the strip club.. Bwaaaaaaa.. *boom*

I miss KITH more than almost any show.

[AlCzervik]

12. These are the Daves i know i know these are the Daves i know

[reprehensor]

17. Hella funny!! n/t

[reprehensor]

15. "Squeal like a pig!" and...

"Runnin' faggot, runnin' free..."

Politically correct? No. Scott hilarious as the very fast Runnin' Faggot? YES!!

Scott is gay, so I think he has the right to be in a skit with such an UN-PC title.

[phillybri]

26. See the faggot, runnin' from the rednecks...

He saved a puppy...

[Loonman]

16. Cabbage for a head

"I have a cabbage for a head!"

[EstimatedProphet]

19. Hey Lopez!

Guy standing outside of a house, dressed for construction work and carrying a lunchbox, yelling "Hey Lopez! Get up, Lopez!"
Cut away to some other skits, then they come back. Guy is still there. Later in the day (from the sun angle), they cut back...
"Hey Lopez! We gotta go to work. Get up!"
Cut to other skits again, then back again:
"Lopez is a lazy man/He sleeps the day away!"
"Hey! You gonna take that Lopez? C'mon out!"
End of show, they cut back, and it's now dark. the guy walks off saying "I'll see you tomorrow Lopez. We missed work."
I lived in San Antonio for a while, and at the end of the street was a house that had a trash can with Lopez sprya-painted on it. Every time my sister and I would go past we would yell "Hey Lopez! Come out Lopez!"
Lopez never came out.

[fob]

20. If that's the one where Bruce plays the devil, that is Number 1

Number 2 - The Eradicator! - Has there ever been a funnier skit about Squash!?! (The game not the food)

Number 3 - Foley and Scott party all over the world while their gals are gone, then they only have a few minutes to clean up the world

Number 4 - Lettucehead

Number 5 - Kathy with a K, Cathy with a C

Number 6 - 30 Helen's Agree...

Number 7 - Everything else

Edit - By "Bruce plays the devil" I mean where he plays guitar against the devil

[Westegg]

21. Scott's "Buddy" rocked my world & still does. Genius... (n/t)

[King Of Paperboys]

22. "Sorry... slipped my mind..."

"Look, I'll tell you what..."

[phillybri]

25. I'll give you an autographed picture of Gavin McLeod...

...a bottle of scotch, and a written apology.

You sure?

Will do...

[fudge stripe cookays]

23. "If Elvis Were My Landlord..."

Bruce: Sorry guys. The party's over. That wouldn't happen if Elvis were my landlord. I have reason to believe that if Elvis were my landlord, my life would be a lot better than it is right now. People would come over here and say, "Hey, great place you got here Bruce, got any vacancies?" I'd say, "Ask the King - he's over there hosin' the gunk off of somethin'. He's always working." If Elvis were my landlord, we'd say stuff in the halls like, "42 tenants can't be wrong." Gee, I could go to his house any time and borrow a cup of sideburns, if Elvis were the man.

Kevin: Hi. How ya doin? Well I just wanted to tell you to tie up your garbage bags before you put them down the chute. It makes my job that much easier. Thank you very much.

Bruce: If Elvis were my landlord, it would be a thrill. Life would roust about and not stand still. We'd eat bargain Cheesies, not perscription pills, if that sharecropper's son handed me my phone bill, if Elvis swept my halls.

Kevin: What do you mean, you paid your rent to an Elvis landlord impersonator? Remember what I told you: only fools rush in. Thank you very much.

Bruce: If Elvis were my landlord, he could come over any time. I'd say, "Sit down King, take a load off your scarf. Have some decaf tea or plan your comeback quietly. Cause if Elvis held my extra key, he could come right up to 403. I'd say, "Hi, my friends and I were jus-"



Kevin: Hi.

Bruce: Elvis!

Kevin: I just came up to fix your tub. A tub is like your voice, you don't work on the pipes, the pipes get rusty. Yessiree.

Bruce: Elvis, j'a wanna watch tv later? CHiPS is on - I know it's your favourite.

Kevin: Actually, I don't feel so good.

Bruce: Elvis?

Dave V.O.: Elvis has left the building!

Bruce: Elvis?

Dave V.O.: Elvis has left the building!

Bruce: I have your rent cheque, Elvis! I won't give it to the Dave Clark Five. Elvis? Elvis?!

Dave V.O.: Elvis has left the building!

Bruce: Elvis!!

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We still have a private joke when one of us tries to sing something... "If You Don't Work on the Pipes; the Pipes get rusty!" and say it like Elvis.

But I love the Pre-Vacation Family Blowout and Buddy Cole too.

"Number One is off, Number Two is off...all the elements are OFF!"

[AngryAmish]

24. Surf Cops

Hang ten, you're busted.

[TrustingDog]

27. Massive Headwound Harry

or was that SNL?

[King Of Paperboys]

29. Dana Carvey, SNL

[phillybri]

28. Sir Simon Milligan and man-servant Hecubus...

n/t

[King Of Paperboys]

30. EVIL!

[Loonman]

31. Buddy Holly

Good one.

[bullimiami]

32. yes. so sorry slipped my mind...

Tell you what Ill do. Tape the godfather......


or

My pen...My pen...

or

"Im in the middle of a bicycle race..." "..They smoke..."

[SarahB]

33. The song "Terriers are my very favorite dogs"

Or the irrepressible "chicken lady".

[Search Party]

34. Bruce Bruce Bruce...The Terrier Song!

Terriers are my very favourite breed
They're cute and cuddly and easy dogs to feed
They'll bring you up whenever you are down
Terriers average 20 pounds
When I walk around in this terrier town
One thing that makes me down
Is when people put bandanas on their dogs

Terriers are my very favourite breed
Cute and cuddly, easy dogs to feed
Terriers were there in the 11th century
Napoleon had one to prevent misery
Terriers are good with the aged
Studies show that they prolong old peoples' live

No one wants to die
Like this guy died
Die die, die die
Die die, die die
Worms eating your eyes
Bass solo




Ah, excuse me ladies, you're scantily clad and have nothing to do with the narrative. Therefore, it's sexist. Sorry.



Wow, that hurt.

You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed, and you call in sick, if you had a job.

You know those mornings when you just wanna watch TV, eat corn chips and masturbate.

Sure you do.

Well, when those days happen.. what you should do is start thinking about my friends. My little furry, waterproof pals. You know I'm talking about.....


Les terriers sont mes types favourites
Jolies, charmantes
Pas de probleme a maintenir
Il donnent du joie
Quand tu es "blue"
Les terries sont a peu pres
Vingt livres

Give terriers a chance
(Yeh!)
Do the terrier dance
No, let's not
But if you want your love to show
If you want your love to grow
Then go terri-, go terri-, go terri- errr

[iconoclastic cat]

35. Well, Hecubus, we could still masturbate, right?

That's a little bit of evil!

[devilgrrl]

36. My pen!!!! My Pen!!!!

:+

[sniffa]

37. girL drink drunk

that was f'n funny.

[phillybri]

38. Voodoo Pork...

I am tired, I am salty, I require sleep! I can't be in the backyard all night searching for streams of Gatorade!

[jpgray]

39. Where Scott dresses up in various ways and some guy yells 'fag!'

Every new outfit he tries (many of which are hilarious 'macho' stereotypes that are now associated with gays) he gets the same guy on a bike yelling 'fag!' at him when he leaves his house.

Then we see the guy on the bike pull up to the house, and Scott is nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly a huge bear rears up and mauls the biker across the face with his paw. Scott takes off the mask of the bear outfit and says 'fag' to the horribly scarred guy as he's on the ground.

I almost broke my balls laughing at that one.

[jpgray]

40. Honorable mention is Dave's 'I'm comfortable with menstruation'

That was pretty amusing. :) Also Dave as the lousy sketchwriter asking for a raise was funny.

[phillybri]

43. "I'm the guy w/ the positive attitude toward menstruation!"

The sketchwriter bit was awesome:

Boss: You wrote THIS sketch didn't you? It's the oldest bit in the book! A guy asking his boss for a raise?

[Merrick]

41. anyone got a flying pig picture?

I'd be eternally grateful. Its for an article I was going to write that'd be nothing without a picture of Bruce as the flying pig, and I've come up dry searching the web.

[WilliamPitt]

42. crush crush crush