I'm having a really hard time right now

[bicentennial_baby]

Hi all...It's been awhile. I'm really sufferring right now and could use some support. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and am in the throes of a multi-week acute episode of Hypchondria. I've had difficulty swallowing on and off for a year or so, and I have now convinced myself that I have Esophageal Cancer. I'm going in for an Upper GI/Barium xray tommorrow, and I am terrified of what the results will be. I'm doped up on Ativan, but I can't function. I just want to curl up in a a ball and sleep, make it all go away. It's really affecting my quality of life, and my relationship with my fiancee. I'm so scared and bummed out... :cry:

[Q3JR4]

1. Hang in there,

it will all turn out all right.

:hug:

[mstrsplinter326]

2. Yikes bro,

Anxiety Disorder and Hypochondria, in my non-medical opinion, are almost entirely society driven diseases.

When you recover from this, and I am SURE you will, come back to help us fight the media lies and the fear mongering that have you in the physical state you are in now. There is nothing wrong with you, so don't let anyBush or anyone else tell you otherwise.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

3. PM me...

and let's talk. I've had panic disorder with agoraphobia for 15 years.

You can beat this -- I promise.

Hell

[bicentennial_baby]

9. I will do that

Probably later, b/c I have an appt. to go to and I have to go see my sister, who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for years. I hope talking to her will help some.

[Gothic Sponge]

4. Try and stay positive

Don't assume the worst. Rent some comedies to take your mind off of it.

[wryter2000]

5. Were you having fears of breast cancern, too?

I seem to recall...

It's good that you have insight into the fact that your anxiety is causing you to have unreasonable fears for your physical health. You might want to consider signing yourself into a mental health clinic. I had to have my husband checked in against his will once, and the experience was a very positive one for him (although he'll never admit it). It was a very nice facility, and in fact, I would have been happy to check myself in after the hell he'd been putting me through (a manic episode).

If you have coverage for something like that, it might be just what you need. Just a thought...

In any case :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

7. I wish...no insurance

I'm seeing a therapist at the local Community Health Center for free every week, starting this week.

[Fenris]

6. I suffer from a number of anxiety disorders

More than likely your difficulty swallowing is the result of autosuggestion. It's probably something you started subconsciously noting and before long your brain convinced itself there was a problem. I doubt it's throat cancer, which I'm sure you assume because you are a smoker. It is the product of an overactive imagination, which is itself the product of stress. I can't offer much help, but I can say that you are probably fine.

:hug:

Fen

[Cheswick2.0]

8. I have been there

I had agoraphobia which was agravated by a real physical problem. It was a long road to travel back then because doctors had no idea what to do about my tachachardia in the 80s.
But that was not the only problem. I had to go to therapy to figure out how to let go of trying to control everything around me. I "let go and let God", so to speak. But I also had to figure out why I felt so vulnerable.
I taught myself to ask myself these questions: What is the worst thing that can happen? Can I deal with that? Can I control it? Will being in a state of panic and hyper awareness change anything? What am I really afraid of?
....because you have to know that cancer is not really what you are afraid of. If you have cancer you will cope. It is not really the cancer you are afraid of. The free floating fear may be based on some childhood pain that has never been addressed. I hope you are either in or considering therapy.
It there is substance abuse in your family, al anon is a good place to start.

[bicentennial_baby]

10. You're right

"The free floating fear may be based on some childhood pain that has never been addressed."

I think there's something there, and I'm working on that. I'm seeing a counselor once a week at the local Community Heath Center. It may be related to my father's illness (he's had MS since I was a baby and has gotten progressively worse in recent years). I'm working on it though.

Thanks Ches, sariously. :hug:

[Cheswick2.0]

11. you are most welcome

I am glad to hear you are in therapy. Your fear is very real and you can't just ignore it. There is a reason for it and you will figure it out.

Here is a story that sounds a little funny now, but wasn't at the time. When I was in my worst panic mode (and suicidal BTW) I felt like there was a 200 lb weight on my chest. I struggled to breath and I ended up hyperventilating much of the time. The pressure was incredible. Then when I started therapy after a few weeks of "getting things off my chest" the pressure moved into my neck. I felt I could not swallow and that I could barely turn my head. After a few weeks the tension moved into my jaw and it became so tight I felt I could not talk except through clenched teeth. When I would talk about these painful issues I would literally shake (and I had been shaking for years in certain situations and never identified what bothered me). Then a few weeks later after I had let it all out, the tension was gone.
It comes back sometimes, but I can always figure out why and it doesn't make me think I am dying anymore.

[H2O Man]

12. These are tough things to deal with.....

First, keep in mind that this very difficult time will pass. At your core, you recognize that the physical symptoms you feel are probably not cancer or even life-threatening. Because you are anxious and have painful fears of disease, when you have symptoms you focus upon the very worst case scenario. Out of an entire menu of possible explanations for your throat discomfort (which include psychological, allergies that you may be unaware of, etc) your mind goes straight to the most terrible of all possibilities. Rationally, you and I might agree that cancer is highly unlikely. But when you are alone, what is not rational becomes more real.

So, we know this is a difficult time, almost for sure is not going to be the worst case scenario, and is going to pass. This brings us to what are the best things you can do to deal with the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts? You mentioned seeing a therapist. Even if you are poor, most therapists will be able to connect you with a psychiatrist or general practitioner who can Rx medications that can be effective with anxiety disorders. Most of these people can help the poor get "scholarships" if they don't have insurance, are not eligible for medicaid/medicare, and are in need of the medication.

Next, talking with people helps. You found people on here; some have dealt with similar disorders. I was on the other side of the desk. But the wider the range of people, the more likely you will find what helps you. Can your therapist set you up with a support group, a social club, or a day treatment program? Many people find these helpful: some go frequently, others as needed.

It sounds like you have the insight to know that talking is important. I'm glad you are not ashamed of your condition, and refuse to seek help, or to talk about it. That's a huge first step. Learning more about the role that genetics and environment play may be something you want to do .... there is always more information becoming available, and thus the process can become an on-going part of your life.

I'm sure you know to do things like sit quietly in nature, practice deep-breathing techniques, and exercise. Avoid alcohol and marijuana (people without anxiety disorders may find pot relaxing, but those with anxiety almost never do). Good luck, and I'll be looking for your further posts on here.

[rbnyc]

13. I have GAD.

I also have GERD and have been through the esophageal cancer scare. It's hard not to be scared when you're waiting for test results like that. But you're doing the right thing by seeing the doctor. Soon you'll have more information and less reason to speculate.

I found that all anxiety meds really sucked (for me) and just made things worse.

Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

I've been med-free for years and doing great. I was out of therapy for years too, but I went back in after a really terrible car accident which cost me a wedding, a baby and the ability to walk for several months. But given all that, I'm still doing great. There really is hope.

I understand drugs really do work well for some people, but I would urge you to look into CBT.

Hang in there.

[Southsideirish]

14. There is a good anxiety support group in Google Groups and also

if you Google "health anxiety " there are some other very good groups out there. Many times seeing that other people are having exactly the same problems as you will relieve your worry - maybe even cause you to laugh at yourself when you see that what you think you have is a common "thing" among anxiety sufferers - for example, the feeling your throat is closing up. Try it - I bet it will help you. If you can't find the links - write me back.

[geniph]

15. BuSpar is great stuff

it doesn't work for an imminent (or already-underway) panic attack, but if you take it regularly, one day you will suddenly realize you haven't had a panic attack in weeks. Ask your doc about it.