Do you ever feel like you do not fit in because you are not into

[rainy]

small talk at parties, not extremely out-going but love people and enjoy a good, involved conversation over the ha, ha, ha, chit chat of the majority around you?
Is there something wrong with me?
Sometimes I leave parties feeling bad about myself because I was not telling funny stories and getting attention in that way.
What are your thoughts about this all of you phyco-analizing DU friends?

[salinen]

1. You obviously

don't drink enough.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

3. LOL n/t

[molly]

2. Sometimes chit-chat-ha-ha people are shallow

sometimes not. You need to be yourself and not feel bad because you think you should be a certain way and are not. Some day someone will look at you and realize your depth and a DISCUSSION about something important will ensue. Appreciate yourself.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

4. I have always sought out people who interest me and that I can learn from

so I've always hated small talk.

[Mr. Blonde]

5. I despise parties

but the above poster is probably right. I don't imagine I drink enough to enjoy them.

[Kenneth ken]

6. not exactly

I know I don't fit in in most social situations. :)

I was at a party last 4th of July, pretty much everybody there I knew; I still found myself half a dozen times standing several feet outside what would be considered the edge of the group.

Weirdly enough, some times "the group" will congregate around me, and then I have to move outside it again.

Apart from being pretty asocial, I don't think there is anything wrong with me.

Couldn't say if there is anything wrong with you, but I'd guess not.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

7. Fitting is Hell. Not fitting is Freedom. (nt)

[Gothic Sponge]

8. I'm somewhat the same

I'm a bit of a recluse and don't like crowds. However, i love conversation with small groups. I find party chit chat to be limiting because you have to watch out for repugs.

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. A lot of times I am just extra scenery and sometimes not. I'll have

little conversations here and there. There's nothing wrong with you. I am the type who enjoys talking to everyone in the checkout line but loathe the thought of going to a planned party. You are just fine! :hi:

[Zomby Woof]

11. about time you signed on

:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. Hey you!!! I missed you!

Would you believe that all they gave me was orange and yellow (:puke:) jello. Gross gross gross. It was all gross.

:hug: :loveya:

[Zomby Woof]

14. NO GREEN????

That confirms the sorry state of our healthcare in this country. x(

:hug: (post-surgery gentle hug) :loveya:

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. ...and they put me in pediatrics for 5 days...

Misery, I tell you! Then after they cut me open, they give me the room with the jacuzzi tub that I cannot use because of the incisions. It's inhumane I tell you. ;)

[supernova]

10. There's nothing wrong with you

I'm the same way. I have to be in a very special mood to fake small talk.

I'm going to one of those MoveOn 911 houseparties tomorrow night. New place. I'll know no one there. So I'm thinking about subjects I can talk about ahead of time. It does help that the people there (it's a small cafe rather than a house), will probably share similiar beliefs to me, if not personality traits.

[rainy]

13. Thanks, all of your thoughts are helpful.

I am very friendly, like poster #9. I love good conversations, especially intelectual ones. But, sometimes, after a party, I tend to think too much about not being more lively at the party. I know I am a good conversationalist but this is not the same as funny chit chat that atracts lots of people.

[FizzFuzz]

18. I'm very much like you, used to feel funny if I couldn't entertain.

Now I realize I can be a hoot sometimes and other times not, and worry less about that. (see my marvelous jewels of wisdom below) ;)

[Solly Mack]

16. I don't go to parties to mingle, - I go to dish!

More fun with one other person involved but certainly not necessary.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're WONDERFUL!!!!!!

[FizzFuzz]

17. if the "performers" are actually entertaining, there's nothing wrong with

staying calm and just enjoying their antics. I used to feel I had to participate somehow, but actually, performers want an audience and there's nothing wrong with that role either. Then the energy shifts and you go off and find the people you really want to talk with. (and if the "performers" are just idiotic, nothing wrong with milling about until you come across something you prefer)

[ForrestGump]

19. Never fit in, and never cared about it

Even the groups that I fit with, because of shared interests or whatever, I don't really entirely fit with. It can be a bit lonely sometimes, but I'm not inherently a group person or a team player and I realize that I probably never will be. I've had feedback that some people consider that kind of stand-offishness to be pure arrogance but, of course, they're wrong, the bleating herd animals, and I send to them a hearty Cheneygreeting.

One on one, or a few people aggregated for common reasons, sure...but group stuff has generally left me kind of cold. I even quit the high school basketball team because of the group dynamics, preferring just to shoot baskets all by my lonesome when the gym was free. Like a few others who've posted here, I'm definitely asocial, but there's also a switch that can get thrown and I can be the exact opposite, switching from introvert to extrovert. I can't even necessarily predict it, but it's very much the same thing that happens to many performers who're shy off-stage or off-camera and the opposite when 'on.' I don't know if I'm necessarily performing, or playing apart, when I'm in that mode but it often feels like it...still, it's as much a part of me as is anything else.

It's nothing to really worry about and, in my opinion, isn;t worth tinkering with or trying to 'normalize,' so just keep on being yourself and don't worry about not fitting in or not feeling like you fit in. You'd fit in just fine with the rest of us who don't fit in -- many DUers, I suspect -- though none of us could be bothered to call for a gathering of asocial loners. :-)

[supernova]

20. A gathering of asocial loners

What are we going to do? All get together and stand in a different corner? :7

[ForrestGump]

23. Hey, you're violating my personal space

I mean, if I got lucky.... :D

[supernova]

24. Awww, you're just saying that

:D

[CrownPrinceBandar]

21. Never a "fit-in" type either..............

I really don't have a hard time a parties, as I can yuk it up with most folks. However, I find those interactions to be pretty superficial and know nothing will really come of it.

Finding someone to really connect with is the hard part. I have a beer now and again, but am not a drinker. I am having a hard time meeting folks now because I really hate going to bars, and my town is small enough that there's not a plethora of activities that catch my interest. I think most strangers find me aloof and standoffish, as I don't play my hand up front and let folks see who I am right away. This has played hell in the romance department.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

22. No but that's because

I am chatty and a shot or two of Bailey's doesn't hurt.

What I don't like is feeling like the only person in the room who thinks a lot and reads a lot about things. Or who has different viewpoints. Or who sees things the way I do.

I'm not trying to sound snobby, but I can only talk about the weather and the newest color of capris at Old Navy for so long. About one minute, tops.

Then I need to talk about something more substantial, usually.

[Nikia]

25. Of course I don't fit in at large gatherings

If I don't know anyone or am only there with one other person, I tend to want to converse with one or a few people and get annoyed when it turns out that they want to go off meeting everyone. I too am introverted but really like people in general and really like people who I like. My husband is introverted too. Pretty much all of our friends are introverted even if they can play parts for short periods of time. When I was in college, I became a rather popular introvert by eating dinner at the dining hall with a variety of people who I may only casually knew and having very indepth conversations. I went to a small strong academic college though so I know that isn't really like the real world.
The modern, transiant world is more oriented towards extroverted people who thrive on meeting lots of strangers in short periods of time. That isn't always how it has been and developing stronger ties to fewer people can be a strength in some situations as well. My best advice is to recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. Having real friends or having meaningful conversations that you and the people involved will remember can be more valuable than briefly meeting or joking with everyone there.

[SarahB]

26. I fit nowhere.

I never have and never will. I'm just good at pretending like I do sometimes. I don't know why I even bother with anything anymore.

[Nikia]

27. Sometimes I feel like that too

I recently felt like draining my bank account, taking a few things, and camping all summer generally away from everyone because I did not feel that I belonged with society or people ing eneral. I am Ms. responsible though and know this would hurt my husband as well as cause me to lose my job.
Aside from having a sort of bad childhood, I tend to worry about relationships (mostly friendships) that went bad and any conflicts or imagined conflicts (like if my friend seems in a bad mood). If I compare current conflicts or imagined conflicts with my broken friendships of the past, I start thinking that perhaps I am not a likeable person and not meant to be part of others lives. We're all human though. You can't be perfect in your dealings with others and neither can they.
The consequences of caring about someone else is that you are doomed to be hurt over and over again.

[ALago1]

28. Nothing is wrong with you

Although I hate giving people labels, it's obvious that you are an introvert - one who finds social situations draining.

I'm an introvert as well. I don't like big parties either and prefer intense personal conversation, but can muster up a smile and get through various situations if I have to.

Perhaps the next time you are at a big party you can seek out one other person who doesn't seem comfortable, or if there is nothing else left to do, just grin and bear it (tough advice, I know).