I want to start a College For Evil - what classes should I have?

[Rabrrrrrr]

and what kind of professors do I need?

I'm thinking:

Psychology 101 - The Group Mind and How To Take Advantage of It
Psychology 102 - Training your Evil Assistant

Henchman 101 - Gathering People Who Want to Follow
Henchman 102 - Ensuring the Silence of Your Henchman
Henchman 103 - Determining If A Henchman Who Shows Initiative Should be Promoted Or Killed
Henchman 104 - Keeping Your Henchman Loyal: Public Punishments for Henchmen Who Show Initiative, Snitches to the Government, Or Otherwise Need To Be Made An Example Of

Propaganda 101 - The History And Importance Of Propaganda
Propaganda 102 - Methods of Propaganda
Propaganda 201 - Advanced Methods of Propaganda In Art, Architecture, Music, and Recreation
Propaganda 401 - Masters Seminar on Propaganda usage in the Evil Lair

Sociology 101 - Making Lies Into Truth
Sociology 102 - The Beehive Mentality and It's Use in the Evil Organization
Sociology 103 - Doublespeak: Your Most Efficient Weapon For Homogeneity

Lair Building 101 - The Basics of the Evil Lair I
Lair Building 102 - The Basics of the Evil Lair II
Lair Building 201 - Advanced Lair Design Based on Usage Expectation I
Lair Building 202 - Advanced Lair Design Based on Usage Expectation II
Lair Building 301 - Hiding Your Lair
Lair Building 302 - Undetectable Power Sources For Your Lair
Lair Building 401 - Master's Seminar on Lair Design for Volcanos
Lair Building 402 - Master's Seminar on Underwater Lair Design
Lair Building 403 - Master's Seminar on Moon-based Lair Design

[MikeG]

1. That's some long range planning, Beelzebub.

[Don_G]

2. Any Micro$haft Course

Especially their Business Ethics.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. We'll call it Methodology 101 - Case Studies: Evil Corporations

Methodology 102 - Case Studies: Evil Organizations
Methodology 103 - Case Studies: Evil Governments
Methodology 104 - Case Studies: The Republican Party

[Don_G]

24. I Think You're Too Late

Bill Gates has already purchased Evil from Satan in a $2.7 Billion deal: http://bbspot.com/News/2000/4/MS_Buys_Evil.html

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. LOL!

"Satan founded evil close to the beginning of time"

Great stuff!

[GOPisEvil]

3. I believe the term "henchmen" is not politically correct these days.

The correct term is "Men of Hench".

Oh, an addition to your Lair Building series: A class on self-destruct mechanisms.

[VelmaD]

8. WRONG!!!

PERSON of Hench, ya sexist pig. :P

[GOPisEvil]

10. Well, females could be referred to as "Women of Hench".

"People of Hench" works, too.

[AmyStrange]

22. HaHaHaHaHaHa

I'm sorry but that just cracked me up and I had to throw it into the discussion also. Are there any documented cases of a henchwomen? I don't remember any women ever being a hench?

2 cents

d

[jukes]

51. Amy!

Bonnie Parker,Mata Hari, Delilah, Lilith, Pickles : so many bonny hench-lasses, & you can't think of 1?


SHAME!

[WoodrowFan]

64. person has the word SON

so it should be offspring of hench.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. No, it should be People Of Hench

You are right to correct my non-PCness. Even evil masterminds have been subjugated under that nefarious bit of sensitivity.

Self-destruct mechanism - ESSENTIAL! Thanks!

[achtung_circus]

25. What about wench of hench? nt

[baldguy]

37. The Kingdom of Hench has a long and illustrious history.

Located along the SE coast of Anatolia, their warriors were chosen by Constantine V in 745 AD to act as his personal bodyguard.

[alvis]

4. Have dubya be the guest lecturer

that would be a true evil to inflict upon a class.

[Liberal Veteran]

6. Republicanism 310 - Being Evil in the comfort of your trailer park

:)

[zanana]

7. Reformed smokers and alcoholics 101.

(How to be even more annoying).

[Salviati]

11. You also need Lair Building 250

The most avoidable flaws in Lair design.

Including topics such as:

Air ducts
Inflammable chemical storage
Self-destruct mechanisms
as well as other topics at instructors discretion

[AmyStrange]

12. a class on torture?

or would that be covered in the general classes?

d

(EDITED: a class on torture?)

[MikeG]

13. Evil Guffawing.

[GOPisEvil]

15. Oh, how about a class on dressing for evil success?

Both for the evil lord and the people of hench.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. Yes, another essential class! Evil Design 101 - Branding Your Organization

[Sporadicus]

14. You're Like Lex Luthor

Why can't you use your powers for good?

(apologies to Jerry Seinfeld)

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. Practical 101 - Avoiding The "Goldfinger Effect:"

Drilling into the students the danger of setting up some complicated killing device to get rid of your nemesis, then leaving, and having all your people of hench leave, as soon as you turn it on after you've told the guy the entirety, down to every intricate detail, of what you plan to do.

[Pale Blue Dot]

17. I've got one:

Psychology 103: How to Slowly Reveal Your Evil Plan to the Hero, Giving Him Time to Plot His Escape and Defeat You.

[AmyStrange]

19. I'll be happy to teach the psychopath classes?

I have a secret evil degree that I can't show to anyone. Not even to
the one and only great Rabrrrrrr!

Can we work around that somehow?

d

[Kellanved]

20. Hmm

Language 101: German accent
Language 201: Hiding a German accent

Law 201: Twisting the Constitution

Journalism 101: Making the Constitution appear twisted

...

[Hepburn]

21. Bush 101. That would be all that is needed. n/t

[StaggerLee]

23. Hand Wringing

I don't know what section it would fall under.

[FizzFuzz]

27. Rhetoric:being evil but sounding virtuous

[achtung_circus]

28. With luck you will have a wide assortment of unemployed evildoers

to choose from after November. Start accepting resumes, but don't lock into faculty until then.

[Khephra]

29. Just go to Miskatonic U. instead of starting a new college

Here's a list of their programs and classes.

http://www.yankeeclassic.com/miskatonic/

They have what you need.

:evilgrin:

[SOteric]

30. Science is all well and good, but a well-rounded curriculum

will include some Arts & Letters as well. May I recommend some elective coursework in Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust, etc...

And after your accredited, you’ll want to lure in some Internationally recognised Evil Masterminds and offer graduate coursework in Nuclear Terrorism, and the Weekend Plot to Take over the World.

[Rabrrrrrr]

31. Absolutely! Evil Masterminds MUST be well versed in the classics

and literate.

I'll also have to include courses in Opera, Food Appreciation, Understanding Wine, and many language courses, especially in the dead languages so that they can read evil and religious literature from the beginnings of civilization.

[2cents]

32. Media Subjugation - Advanced n/t

[baldguy]

33. What? No MBA program?

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. Dude, I'm doing "Evil". Not "unethical". I *do* believe in some limits!

:evilgrin:

[Endangered Specie]

34. How about:

Creationism 101 - Debunking Evolution I
Creationism 201 - Debunking Evolution II
Creationism 301 - Debunking Evolution III
Creationism 401 - Debunking Evolution IV
Creationism 501 - Debunking Evolution V
Creationism 131 - Ad Hominem Attacks against Evolutionists
Creationism 141 - Equal Time, how to win it in Court I
Creationism 241 - Equal Time, how to win it in Court II
Creationism 351 - Advanced Attack Techniques
Creationism 112 - Turning facts to your side I
Creationism 212 - Turning facts to your side I
Creationism 312 - Turning facts to your side I
Creationism 012 - Probability and Statistics for Evangelicals

[Endangered Specie]

36. A series on Reagonomics:

Reagan 101 - Intro to Reagan
Reagan 121 - 421 Reagonimics I-IV
Reagan 493S - Activisim: Reagan on the $10
Reagan 494S - Activisim: Reagan on the $20
Reagan 495S - Activisim: Reagan on the $.10
Reagan 499S - Activisim: Reagan on Mt. Rushmore

[IronLionZion]

38. Passing the Buck101

How to blame everything on Clinton and the CIA. Or a lack of intelligence.

[Endangered Specie]

39. Oh, how could I forget these:

Deutsches Reich 101 - Introduction, learning to salute, basic German.
Deutsches Reich 331 - Literature: Mein Kampf, A masterpiece.
Deutsches Reich 141 - Fear I
Deutsches Reich 241 - Fear II
Deutsches Reich 341 - Fear III
Deutsches Reich 441 - Fear IV
Deutsches Reich 121 - Hitler, the man, his vision, the passion.
Deutsches Reich 205 - Project course: forming your own Schutzstaffel.
Deutsches Reich 211 - The Music of The Glorious Third Reich
Deutsches Reich 105 - Physical activity requirement: Marching.
Deutsches Reich 305 - How to burn down houses of parliment, and not get caught.
Deutsches Reich 271 - Oratory, how to mezmorize a nation I
Deutsches Reich 371 - Oratory, how to persuade the people II
Deutsches Reich 471 - Oratory, dictatorial control III
Deutsches Reich 399S - (Requires Audition) Songs of the Sturm Abteilung

Im sure there will be more to add.

[Rabrrrrrr]

40. Deutsches Reich 601 - Night of the Long Knives as Hermeneutical Model

[Endangered Specie]

42. good one. btw... that anniversery is Wednesday...

June 30 1934... Ironic date huh?

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. Your oratory classes are excellent!

A wondrous addition to the catalogue.

[gmoney]

43. It's all right here...

http://www.villainsupply.com/

[Rabrrrrrr]

46. OMG! That's awesome! I just ordered a Planet Kerbanger!

Gonna use it with my first Ph.D. student.

[Endangered Specie]

44. more...

Newspeak 121 - Elementary Newspeak I
Newspeak 122 - Elementary Newspeak II
Newspeak 221 - Intermediate Newspeak
Newspeak 321 - Advanced Newspeak II

Sewing 101 - Basic Hakenkreuz designs
Sewing 201 - Eagles, more Eagles, and Iron Fists
Sewing 311 - SS Uniforms
Sewing 312 - Brownshirts
Sewing 224 - White Robe Designs

[baldguy]

45. Spring theatrical production:

"Springtime For Hitler"

[Endangered Specie]

48. HEIL myself...

heil to me
im the kraut whosw out to change our history...


I like that one, its not evil!

[solinvictus]

47. Management and Planning 101

Advising the student to NEVER tell the British agent his plans, the design of his WMD, and the greatest weakness of said WMD.

[Rabrrrrrr]

49. Zoological Mysticism 301: Choosing your Totemic/Iconic Evil Pet

[jukes]

50. We're sorry, sir

but your small-business loan has been disapproved.

our research indicates that the market for this sort of skill-training is currently glutted; between the boy scouts of american, pnac, bob jones university, state militias, & fundamentalist cults there remains little of this financial pie still available for consumption.

[Rabrrrrrr]

52. LOL!

Nicely said! And leave us not forget Walmart, Haliburton, Cheney, the Bush family, freerepublic.com, the Heritage Foundation, and FOX "news"

[LTR]

53. Choir

Instructor: John Ashcroft

[WoodrowFan]

65. damn

you stole my joke!

[Rabrrrrrr]

54. We need another round for the Monday afternoon crowrd

who, having gone back to work after a weekend, will be a singularly evil and foul mood.

[NewJeffCT]

55. If I was an evil overlord...

Check out this oldie but goodie list and go from there:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

[omshanti]

56. Economics 101 - War Profiteering (Lecturer: Dick Cheney)

Econ 102 - Blackmail and extortion
Econ 103 - Money Laundering

[Rabrrrrrr]

57. Ooh! Good call - money laundering is a necessity for evil mastermind

Gotta figure out a way to pay the People of Hench and also to buy doomsday devices without any figuring out where the money is coming from, and how that money was earned. :-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

58. Too late...read The Mask of Sanity by Herve Cleckley

then rip him off mercilessly :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

59. It's out of print, sadly. But I've had this book on my wishlit for a while

Evil in Modern Thought: An Alternative History of Philosophy by Susan Neiman

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0691096082.01._PE_PIdp-schmoo2,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0691096082/ref=cm_aya_wlasin.title/104-4497387-3339142?v=glance&coliid=I3TMBJQHF89K48&colid=EKAD6TI8J5OI

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

61. It's available online..

I'll send you the link later

[Rabrrrrrr]

63. Excellent! I look forward to it!

Thanks...

:yourock:

[Hand]

60. Political Science 101...

The Teachings of Leo Strauss.

:evilgrin:

[WoodrowFan]

62. Killing the spy..

lesson 1: DON'T Keep James Bond alive so you can gloat. Just kill him!

[BigMcLargehuge]

66. fashion design 101: Henchperson's uniform, orange or yellow?