Christian "Science" contest winners announced!

[Superfly]

Mmmmmm...now that's some good science:

objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

<snip>

"David Block and Trevor Murry (grades 4) showed how specifically complicated pine cones are and how they reveal God's design in nature."

<snip>

[Superfly]

1. Scientific method

1) Hypothesize
2) Experiment
3) Re-hypothesize

----------
1) My uncle is NOT a monkey
2) Feed uncle bananas
3) Uncle will not eat bananas, hence NOT a monkey

(but why is he so hairy?)

----
<snip>

Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

<snip>

[roughsatori]

7. Here is the best: 1st place grade 10 and 11

1st Place: "Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria"
Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) did a project showing how the power of prayer can unlock the latent genes in bacteria, allowing them to microevolve antibiotic resistance. Escherichia coli bacteria cultured in agar filled petri dishes were subjected to the antibiotics tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The bacteria cultures were divided into two groups, one group (A) received prayer while the other (B) didn't. The prayer was as follows: "Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen." The process was repeated for five generations, with the prayer being given at the start of each generation. In the end, Group A was significantly more resistant than Group B to both antibiotics. snip//

[BurtWorm]

8. Please tell me this is a joke!

Oh, hell, it's funny even if it's not a joke!

[Superfly]

9. I don't think so

I think this is the real McCoy

[qb]

12. Oh shit - they've unlocked the key to prayer-based bio-terrorism.

[roughsatori]

22. LMAO NT

[ProudGerman]

2. Linky no worky

But if the snippet you provided in the post is any indicator, I'd say that in about 9 years some college professors are gonna have to do some serious deprogramming.

How these insane fundamentalists are allowed to warp science like this, and still call it curriculum is beyond me. It's cultish programming, and nothing more. Hell, its almost child abuse.

[Superfly]

3. Try that

it should work

[arcos]

4. it doesn't, it takes me to www.web1000.com

:-(

[Superfly]

Damn, here's the link

(copy and paste into your address bar)

objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

[BurtWorm]

11. This should work.

http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

[enki23]

5. the smart ones will mostly get over it

of those kids who actually go on to become scientists, the vast *VAST* majority will get over this silliness. the rest will hide in mushy pseudoscience (like the oxymoronic "creation science"), or at least develop their own "wall of separation" between reality and religion. they'll rationalize, retheologize, internalize all sorts of semantic gymnastics, and they'll mostly get over the worst part of the fundy bs.

the rest are scarier, the ones who don't get over it. many of those will go on to be real estate agents, obnoxious car salesmen, MBAs, and the like. and republicans, but i repeat myself.


p.s. you've gotta like the second place entry: "Women were designed for homemaking."

p.p.s. still reading. my god, the best bit is a blurb at the bottom. it says everything that needs to be said about this "science" they've got going: "Mikey discovers a dinosaur bone while working on his science fair project. Realizing that evolution doesn't agree with his Christian beliefs, he resolves to evaluate the theory himself. He must decide what he believes and then have the courage to defend it, even if it means losing the science fair and the respect of his classmates"

gotta decide what you believe, then defend it to the death no matter what the evidence says. now *that* is christian science.

[denverbill]

6. Ok, that was pretty funny.

I'm glad you got the link working. You should really have posted these 'award winners'.

1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Honorable Mention:
"Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts" - Kevin Parker (grade 7)
"Dinosaur & Man Walked Together" - Donny Findlay (grade 6)
"Rocks Can't Evolve, Where Did They Come From Mr. Darwin?" - Anna Reed

[qb]

10. How sad - the "Allah Created Me" project was disqualified

due to Biblical inconsistencies. This competition between the fundies is brutal.

[Nomad559]

13. Christian Science Is an Oxymoron

:evilgrin:

[TXlib]

14. I think this site is an elaborate hoax

http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html

http://objective.jesussave.us/moon.html

Either this is an elaborate parody, or these people are the worst sort of hysterical conspiracy theorists.

[BigMcLargehuge]

17. Lambuel says...

I don't know... It's in line with a whole lot of the mass mailing stuff that mysteriously shows up in my mailbox from the hardcore fundamentalist churches around here.

The slam on Hinduism was particularly offensive.

Still, I found myself laughing as I read... so maybe it is a parody. If so it's spot on, so good in fact, that it could very easily be taken with absolute seriousness unlike Landoverbaptist.

Weird, creepy, funny...

Lambuel, tell me what to do now!!!!

[dwckabal]

23. If this site is a hoax

It is absolutely BRILLIANT!

I love this shit:

The Error Of Triclavianism

There has been some questions as of late on why we moved our web-site. As stated, it was due to our previous host's lack of strong condemnation of triclavianism. I would like to clarify this situation as I think it illustrates an overlooked heresy in today's Church.

Triclavianists hold that three, and only three, nails were used to affix our Lord Jesus Christ to the cross. While it might be true that three nails were used -- and, in fact, archeological evidences uncovered by Biblical researchers positively point to this conclusion -- it is erroneous, and theologically dangerous, to make this a doctrinal position. The Bible does not enumerate the Lord's nails and any extra-Biblical research on the subject -- while both interesting and useful for apologetic purposes when dealing with those afflicted with a Secular world view that denies even the historicity of our Lord's passion and crucifixion -- cannot be considered of any substantive import to the Faith.

The Bible is the infallible and inerrant word of God; everything that He wanted us to know about Faith can be found in its pages. If He remains silent on the issue of the number of nails used in the sacrifice of His only begotten Son, then it is not for us to presume to make it a point of contention. Those that do are like the Pharisees, hypocritical in their righteousness based on their own worldly learning, and they will lead people astray and away from the True teachings of God. Therefore, we must oppose their strident and irrelevant teachings on the triune nature of the implements of our Lord's impalement.

The heresy in triclavianism is not the belief in the use of only three nails, per se. Rather, it is the insistence that fallible, non-Biblical sources of information should be used as a guide to important matters of Faith. Triclavianism is merely a pernicious symptom of a greater illness inflicting today's Christians: the allowing of Secularists to subvert the authority of Christ's teachings, thereby replacing Faith with scepticism and knowledge with ignorance. Those who do not oppose this illness strongly enough, although their motives may be pure, are only helping to spread it.

I nearly pissed my pants!

[dwckabal]

24. I'm still not sure

Which makes it that much more brilliant!

http://www.cafeshops.com/objectivemin.3749749

Ruby Matrimony Thong
This uncomfortable undergarment will be a daily reminder to unmarried women to find a husband and a emergency moral reminder to her would-be-suitor. (For use under traditional underwear only.)

Please, make them stop!!

[qb]

15. Save Landover Baptist!

http://objective.jesussave.us/shutdown.html

More fundie infighting - these guys are trying to shut down the Landover Baptist website (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/) - home of Betty Bowers.

Please Help!!!

[BigMcLargehuge]

16. Jeebus, look at the "honorable mentions"...

Geocentrism: politically incorrect?

Pokemon as proof that evolution is false...

Criminy. Kind of makes me wish they'd posted descriptions of those too.

[LunaSea]

18. the Unintelligent Design arguement

bears a repost-
http://www.theshrubbery.com/udn/

snip

"The fossil record shows that 23 different
elephantlike species, including woolly
mammoths, have arisen and died out during the
past 5 million years, victims of an inability to
adapt to changing conditions. Only Asian and
African elephants remain. If an all-knowing
designer was responsible for that work,
Miller said to applause, 'it's
distinctly substandard, because nearly every one
became extinct. If you want to accept intelligent
design, you'd damn well better account for' the
numerous examples of failed species."

[NekoChris]

19. I R SUPER GENIUS

---<cut cut cut>

Middle School Level

Patricia Lewis displays her jar of non-living material, still non-living after three weeks. 1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

---<cut cut cut>

If this site is not a hoax then I happily endorse the smacking of several individuals, hard enough so their descendants ten years from now fall over inexplicablely.

This girls experiment involved PUTTING STUFF IN JARS. SEALING JARS. PUTTING JARS IN SUN WITH NO CATALYSTS. PRAYING TO UNSEEN POWER THAT NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN SPONTANEOUSLY TO SAID STUFF. FOR A FEW WEEKS.

AGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLG.

MY HEAD EXPLODES.

This process proves that the girl is suffers from Intense Brainwashing. LIFE DOES NOT EVOLVE FROM BASIC ELEMENTS IN A FEW WEEKS. IT TAKES CENTURIES.

*pops off to beat head against a wall*

WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON REVELLING IN THEIR IGNORANCE?!

[TXlib]

20. I almost hope we have a neighbor like this

It would be fun to torment him/her.

[Ratty]

21. Thanks for that!

I love sites like these. Even better is to do a google search for the article title and read about all the people who think the site's for real!

Okay, I admit it took me a little while myself. This is what tipped me off:

"Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.)

The great thing about this stuff is how frighteningly close parody is to reality.