OK DU guys and I guess girls- I need advice

[commander bunnypants]

Here it goes.

I am a male social worker. Out of about 250 employees maybe 25 are male. Sometimes I feel terribly excluded by the females. Yesterday, all my team were in an office giggling over something or another. I did not get an invite or anything to sit in. I was left out of the pizza lunch, which just hurt my feelings. But I am the first to volunteer to help my coworker's in which I recieved a letter of appreciation. I am going to talk with my female boss about this today- my last boss failed to see a problem in this situation- I am not very impressed with my new boss.

Help What do I do? I am probably the most liberal, progressive, accepting of others in this entire building. Am I being co-depentdent or do I have a legitamate concern. It can be difficult at times

edit spelling and grammer


DDQM

[WillParkinson]

1. I say...

You have a legitimate concern. People can be very cliquish. I'm kind of feeling it's 'girl talk' (no offense) and you, being a guy, just wouldn't 'get it' so you're not invited.

[Kamika]

2. You got any friends there?

If you do you should hang out with them and ask them whats going on.

Also whats the average age there? if the women are like 45+ you just might not want to be part of the intrigues

[Cheswick2.0]

20. ooohhhh no, wouldn't want to hang out with any scrary 45 year olds

:scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared::scared:

[liberalhistorian]

3. You definitely have a legitimate concern, you're

not being co-dependent. As a woman, I think that those women are probably involved in "girl talk" and might not even think you'd be interested in what they're discussing. It probably just doesn't occur to them. Why don't you walk over and sit down with them and try to join in their conversation? That way, they would see that you really are interested in their discussions and that you don't want to be thought of as just a guy who thinks "girl talk" is silly.

[Racenut20]

4. It is your opportunity

To be a man, and be much admired. Continue to be helpful and then just be yourself. Think out things to do that you like on days off and let everyone at work see how happy you are in your own life, and they are probably more likened to include you in some of theirs. Then you have best of both worlds

[Booberdawg]

5. Are these your employees, or peers

Not sure by "on my team" if you outrank them or not.

Quite frankly I don't think this is something to complain to the boss about. The boss can't "make" others include you in gossip or off the cuff tittering.
'
Could have just been girl stuff too.

I dunno about the pizza lunch - that does seem inconsiderate to have the whole team exclude you for a special lunch. What was the occasion I wonder?

I'd be more inclined to approach one of the girls if it bothered me that much. Maybe there's a way to establish a better rapport with them.

[commander bunnypants]

15. Nope

I dont outrank them- it is a team. I am a member of the team. I think. Scratching head now.


DDQM

[Blue_Chill]

6. Time to man up punk

Women in large numbers treat men badly. This is the life we were given, be glad they haven't pushed you in front of a train and bring a book to work with you so you have something to do while they enjoy pizza.

lol

:D

Seriously I think it's just female behavior at it's finest you are witnessing and I'm sure they mean nothing by it. I wouldn't go to my boss with this kind of thing. Just make a friend in the group and join in the fun although I will warn.....when that many women get together and you're the only male...unless everyone is naked it won't be as fun as you think.

peace

[liberalhistorian]

7. Blue Chill, do you have a problem in general with women?

Because you're always so negative about women in your posts.

[Blue_Chill]

11. Do you have a problem with reality?

Because you seem to distort more often then not. My views on women are not negative, they are realistic. Large groups of women that have already shown they don't want that dude around are most likley not the kindest group of women out there.

Besides the post was meant in good fun, I certainly wasn't saying that women roam the streets in packs hunting down men. Geez.

[liberalhistorian]

14. Every time you say something negative about women,

you always qualify it by saying that it was just "in good fun." If you had a bad experience with a woman, or women, don't blame ALL women. I know some women do that with men, and that is equally unfair and stupid. Most of us are NOT hairy-legged, man-hating bra-burners!

[Blue_Chill]

16. Everytime?

How many times would that be, once maybe twice? Give me some examples of my evil attitude towards women.

[bleedingheart]

9. yeah...we women... we are awful in groups

first we lure you in and then we pick one of us to have sex with you and then we sacrifice you to the gods as a harvest offering....that or we pluck out your eyes...

be very wary.....

but men ...they never do this type of thing... NOT...

[Blue_Chill]

12. You do! I've seen packs of women eat babies!

first we lure you in and then we pick one of us to have sex with you and then we sacrifice you to the gods as a harvest offering....that or we pluck out your eyes...

Really? How can I find this particular group. Doesn't sound like such a bad way to go.

be very wary.....

sound advice.

but men ...they never do this type of thing... NOT...

Men are worse, I never claimed otherwise.

[commander bunnypants]

13. A few family members are lesbians

and I never attend there poker games. I am afraid of being sacrifised to Sappho. But I love em all. specially my step sister


DDQM

[bleedingheart]

8. have you tried to become involved in the group or do they

ostracize you???

Both men and women have this problem at work...but I wouldn't go to the boss until I had tried to break the ice.

Bring in some homemade cookies or put candy on your desk...that always brings people around...it sounds weird but sometimes people want to see that you are open to them...the candy is an invite... like the cheese in a trap...(but in this case the trap is good..)

I suggest Riesen candies or perhaps some nice whole milk chocolate squares... I would definitely visit your desk and chat for a moment or two for that...

:-)

[catpower2000]

10. I think it's rude behavior...

I wouldn't deliberately exclude someone from office festivities just because he was male.

The only thing I may be able to give you insight on is, where you say they were "giggling about something". That may have been girl talk, like periods or guys or bras or something. But excluding you from the pizza lunch is just rude.

Is there any one of them with whom you DO have a connection? She may be your ticket it.

Cat

[zekeson]

17. I work with social workers

I am not one, but get to work around them. They are mostly women. I don't find it much of a problems, but it could be I am around some pretty good women - i tend to think so. Anyway, share some of your life with them - talk over cases, make sure they know you, and that you know them. Be friendly and open. I find that being the only male on the floor makes me the butt of a lot of teasing. A little self-deprecating humor keeps it all pretty even keeled and seems to help us all get along pretty well. Remember, if you appear uncomfortable its then a job for someone to come draw you out, instead of just a friendly encounter. Give a little and I bet, particularly since they are SWs, you will get a lot back.

[Cheswick2.0]

18. that is not nice at all

I could see if they were having a two minute gossip fest about menopause...but a whole pizza lunch? No nice, but they may not even realize they are being rude. I would make a friend if I were you and then start making some of the party plans myself. Maybe they will get the message.

[sangh0]

19. You have a legitimate concern

What's happening to you is similar to what happens to women (and minorities) who aren't allowed to join the country club.