I probably shouldn't complain about this, but....

[SarahB]

I have a problem that annoys me that isn't really a problem, but sometimes I get terribly self-conscious about it at the same time. I had my daughter when I was young (20). She's now 12 and just a little taller than me, so she looks more like she's 15 or 16 (at least). The consensus seems to be I look a number of years younger than my age. Therefore, when we're together, people think we're sisters (we look alike, but she has dark hair) or friends. Now, we're getting hooted at when we go places together. I don't even mind when someone I don't know pays me a compliment or even whistles (no crude pig comments though, please) because I like to look respectably nice and I don't want to look frumpy. It's just that I know when it happens and my daughter is there, she's getting it too and it really bugs me because she's so young (I'd probably better find a way to get used to it though). I'm sure if people knew I was her mom (or how young she was), they wouldn't do that.

Then I worry about too how men would feel when I'm free to go out with other people again after the big split. I mean, I've packed a lot of life into my years, so I tend to prefer a man a little older and more mature about life as opposed to those my own age or younger (yes, generalizations, but overall it seems to be the case) and I wonder if that would bother men to be with a women that looked younger? I think it bugs my spouse person because he tends to mention certain things people have said to him a lot (he's 41), but at the same time, he seems to like it.

I probably just worry too much, huh? Men, would it bug you or am I being silly?

SarahBelle is a bit neurotic at times, ask me anything. :crazy:

[Dogmudgeon]

1. You're trying way too hard to please everybody

I've seen a couple of pictures of you. You have nothing to worry about.

Men (and women) get bothered by the most inane things you could imagine. Let THEM do the worrying -- do what makes you happy. (Within the bounds of the law, of course! :) )

--bkl

[Squeech]

2. I think you're being silly

I think the right person to be with is the person in whose presence you're happy. Everything else is way secondary to that.

OTOH, nobody has ever accused me of acting my age.

(If it's details you want, my first wife was six years my junior. My second wife is as much older than me. So I swing both ways.)

[Placebo]

3. Pssh You're Living Every Woman's DREAM!!!

To naturally look younger than you are without a bunch of expensive crap to pass yourself off as such!

enjoy it while it lasts, because it never does :)

[whistle]

4. Do you realize that most republican mothers in your shoes....

...would have their daughters sacrificed on the alter of public humiliation for being so attractive. But you sound like you have a potential friend for life with your daughter. It also sounds like you have a devoted significant other that loves and admires you very much. So, enjoy your God given gifts. The secret of eternal youth is inside not on the outside.

[havocmom]

5. Do what my sister & I both did when people would comment on our

mature looking offspring: "Yes, I gave birth when I was four". Laughter can be a great tension breaker, and a gentle way to remind someone to mind their own business without being overly concerned about it.

Wait staff in restaurants started asking my daughter if she would like a cocktail when she was 13. Takes a little getting used to when the world notices your little girl is growing up.;)

[Gothic Sponge]

6. You should be happy you look so young!

The getting hooted at may make you feel uncomfortable with your daughter. However, one day i think you will look back at it with more admiration. Sounds like you are doing what i do, over analyzing your life.

Stay Strong!
:hug:

[JohnKleeb]

7. thats not a bad thing

and you do look younger than your years. I however fear being mistaken for my youngest brother's dad, hasnt happened yet thank god most likely because my dad is always with me when I am with him in public.

[LWolf]

8. I've never "looked my age."

At 12 I was easily 16. I didn't need makeup to look the part. At 17 I had my first child; I had my last at 19. As a mother, people who knew the ages of my boys always assumed I was older than I was, while people who didn't assumed I was younger. Since my boys grew up and I became a grandmother, people always assume I'm older than I am. That's because I have two sons who are adult men, one about to turn 27, and a grandson, and because I don't bother to cover my gray. Also because I haven't fought the journey into middle-age with fashion or cosmetics. And, I've lived some hard things in my years. I left childhood behind at about age 10; I've done the work of 2 or 3 adults most of my life.

The older I get, the closer my boys seem to get to me age-wise; by the time I'm 60, they'll be 41 and 43, and we'll almost be contemporaries.

44 is way younger than most people who meet me assume, but I've lived some hard things in those years. I left childhood behind at about age 10; I've done the work of 2 or 3 adults most of my life.

[NewJeffCT]

9. It never bothered me

My ex-wife is 8 1/2 years younger than me. I was 30 and she was almost 22 when we met. On top of looking younger than her age, she was also very petite - she is probably 5 feet even on a good day with thick socks on. Since she worked with children & teens, she'd often get mistaken as a child from behind because of her height. Or, if you just saw her face, she'd often be mistaken for a teenager. But, it never bothered me at all that she was obviously younger than me - she was actually quite a head-turner and also had a very outgoing personality. So, that probably played a role in it as well... It was actually a lot of fun for me as I'm not the jealous type that would get upset if other guys were staring at her chest & drooling.

My wife now is 3 1/2 years younger than me. I'm almost 38 and she is 34 and a few months. She also looks a lot younger than me, as she is very slender and has no grey hair.

And yes, my marriage to my ex-wife was rather short. Long story.

[sangh0]

10. I think you ought to complain MORE about

guys making comments about/to your 12 year old daughter. If I were you, I'd march up to them and ask "Do you often lust after 12 year old girls, because it's a crime to do something about it?"

And if they actually make a "suggestion" to MY 12 yo daughter, I'd call the cops and ask that they arrest that child molestor.

[Droopy]

12. I was sort of thinking the same thing

Even if her daughter does look older it's probably still obvious that she's underage. And I don't think men should be "hooting" to women anyway.

[SarahB]

14. It was from a distance, so it was hard to tell...

Just some whistles and whispers kind of thing. I think it was just the perception from about 50 feet away of "two cute chicks".

You can be sure if anyone got near my daughter who was over the age of 13 or 14 (and even the boys her age better watch their step), I'd have no problem saying what needs to be said (if she didn't beat me to it first- she's a strong girl) or doing what needs to be done. Then, in all likelihood, knowing her dad, he'd be fitting them with some cement shoes.

[Droopy]

11. I think it's rude for men to "hoot" at women

I know that it would make me feel uncomfortable.

[bearfan454]

13. You're being silly.

I've seen your pic. Any man would be proud to be seen with you.

[SarahB]

15. Thanks all.

I know I'm being my general over analytical, neurotic self, but I think at times in my life of transition, uncertainty, etc. that my brain tends to go there turning everything into some element to be analyzed and picked apart until my brain is spinning out of control finding problems in things that aren't really problems.

But hey, that's me! :P

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

16. Is this a pathetic troll for attention and affection? Or are you

blind woman?

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Have you no mirrors? Do you now live and an alternative universe where old age is worshiped and glorified?

Come now. The truth....

cause, it does not matter to us, we love you even without seeing you, and that is all that really matters anyway.

You are "da bomb" momma!

[SarahB]

17. You know what happens...

when you spend an entire childhood in bizarro world with bizarro people who have this kid who is cute, smart, and energetic yet spend most of their time telling her everything that's wrong with her and telling her that her needs are unimportant?- ME!

I have dealt with all this in depth a few years ago and am incredibly self aware, but right now my life is in such a state of flux and uncertainty that sometimes and some moments, my psyche can't help but go back to this place of seeing myself in this skewed point of view. I'm very aware when I do it, but sometimes I still do it anyway.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

19. Oh do I know.

I know.

[Zomby Woof]

18. I couldn't get past the 3rd sentence

My attention span is about.. hey, look! A plane! Weeeeeee!

[SarahB]

20. Are you inferring I'm long winded, Zomby?

I guess I shouldn't get offended when men don't look into my eyes then. Maybe it's nothing physical. It may simply be the fact I keep going on and on and on....







and on









and on






and on






and on







and on!!!













:P

[Zomby Woof]

21. no

I am implying I have the attention span of a yak on creamed corn.

Huh?

[SarahB]

23. Don't say that.

I'm now imagining yaks with creamed corn smeared on themselves and I find it oddly exciting. :scared:

[Zomby Woof]

24. Woohoo!

I knew you were my kind of woman! Now grab them pliers, will ya?

[MrSandman]

22. When you find the man that cares for you...

He won't care about what other people are saying. And he won't be ashamed to defend the relationship. The irony is that the right one will appear when you are not looking.

No neurosis...normal anxiety over major changes.

[SarahB]

25. Yeah, there's a lot of anxiety...

Things tend to pop up within me at these moments of uncertainty and with the other stuff, I hope so anyway. I think my spouse sees me too much as either positive or negative reflection of himself rather than me for me and these defense mechanisms appear. Hopefully one day, it won't be like that for me in regard to relationships.

:D

[MrSandman]

26. Good luck...n/t

[exJW]

27. Sadly you're right. We men HATE to be seen with young looking women

All the other men rib us "hey, couldn't find an age appropriate date, Dave?", that sort of thing. It's not fun.

[SarahB]

29. Well,

My spouse has always worked with a lot of women. He's in a field that's 75% (or more women). More than one women has said something to him in this regard over the years, so I got it passed along to me. It's a strange dichotomy- liking me, yet wanting to please the rest of the world at the same time. I've gotten a little self-conscious because I've gotten frequent reminders. At this point in our relationship, what's the point I think? Whether he wants a 20 year old or a 40 year old, it isn't my concern at this point.

[exJW]

30. Yes, reality has a way of trumping everything else n/t

[NightTrain]

28. Sarah, if your daughter looks anything like you...

...she's going to get whistled at. Your best bet is to try to adjust to the reality of your situation. And, of course, to fill your daughter in on the birds and the bees! ;)