I was just hospitalized for Depression and panic attacks.

[Ladyhawk]

The hospital did more harm than good, I'm sorry to say. The day after I got out, I had a panic attack that kept me awake for forty hours or so. Every nerve in my body felt like it was on fire.

Sorry, folks, but I am really hurting. I may not post for awhile...although I'm so new you probably wouldn't notice. (I'm not whining about it. I understand that's just the way it is.)

If the Dems gain ground, we have to make an attempt to fix health care. During the past several years I've discovered that the situation is very dire. If I can get over the worst of this, I will use what energy I have to help the Dems beat the Pukes. It's just so hard right now...please carry the torch for me if I falter. Please do everything in your power to beat the fascists that have gained control of our government.

It's just...I'm so tired and I hurt so badly. I want to help, but I can't even give myself three square meals a day.

If nothing else, you've gained a vote in me.

[BurtWorm]

1. You've definitely made an impression on me, Ladyhawk

I wish you well. And I totally agree with you about health care.

Carol Mosely-Braun for Secretary of HHS, if not prez or VP.

[Pert_UK]

2. I am so sorry to hear this.

I'm not sure that the situation is much better in the UK, unless you have private medical insurance...

It sounds like you're having a terrible time of it, but do remember that you can always come on here and get some support from people who actually do care.

I have friends who have struggled through the same things as you, and although it seems impossible at times, I know that you can succeed and emerge at the other side.

Good luck and strength to you.

P.

[disgruntella]

3. take care of yourself

I remember you, I think my first post was responding to you!

I am sad to hear you've been having a rough time. Take care.

[Dookus]

4. Ladyhawk....

So sorry to hear it. I have no advice, other than don't give up on treatment. I've had the same problems, though, not as bad as yours. Took awhile to find the right meds and dosages, but it was worth the effort.

Take care of yourself - TRY to eat. If you can't sleep, ask your doctor about Trazodone. It was the ONLY thing that worked for me.

Best of luck to you!

[roughsatori]

5. I would have noticed if you had stopped posting Ladyhawk

Thanks for letting us know. I have been hospitalized for depression and mania many times. Hang in there. Hope you don't mind, but I will say a prayer for you tonight.

[lcordero]

6. I don't know what to say

I hope that things do get better for you soon

[kathee]

7. Sounds terrible

I have depersonalization, but have learned to just live with it because I have no insurance.

I will talk talk talk about all the ills of this disgusting administration until Im blue in the face. I promise.

As a newcomer myself, I sure hope you get to feeling better.

[dawg]

42. Even if you had insurance ....

they would probably not cover it since it is a mental health issue. Mental health parity is an issue that needs to be pressed and pressed hard in this country. (Howard, John, Wes .... you listening?)

[Bozita]

8. My adult disabled daughter just lost her dental care.

Deficits, you know.

Fighting battles is a lot easier when teamed with friends.

Consider me on your side.

[Positron]

9. Although my heart goes out to you......

I can't help but think your health situation would be better if you stopped blaming the 'pukes' for everything. Positive thoughts will be what pulls your through. Hatred does harm.

[cherryperry]

16. Well, Positron,

as one of your heroes used to say, "There you go again."

Let it go, please!

[NicoleM]

48. have you ever been clinically depressed?

I'm guessing no, because if you had been you would know that "positive thoughts" are a) really really hard to have when you're depressed, and b) not likely to be the only thing that "cures" the depression.

[Cheswick2.0]

56. you have no idea what you are talking about

shush

[DemBones DemBones]

10. Sorry to hear this, Ladyhawk. Pamper yourself and

don't worry about fighting the fight, others can take your place for as long as necessary. Your health has to come first.

[Duncan Grant]

11. Hi Ladyhawk...

glad that you touched base here tonight.

Just wanted to say that I remember your posts and that you may have more contacts and friends here at DU than you imagine! I seem to remember that you've been facing serious health issues for some time now; often finding yourself home with a family that is more politically conservative than you.

Maybe if you could mention what region/state your living in...some DUer's may be able to refer you to resources that you may not have thought of (God, the grammar goes out the window this time of night).

Bad grammar aside, I also wanted to mention that I have very close friends who work at an outpatient g/l/b/t mental health center. If you have questions or need resource info or referrals, please PM me.

Again, so glad you reached out tonight. Bests Wishes! :pals:

[cherryperry]

17. Hey, friend,

I went to her profile; she also is in California. I am going to PM her with some personal thoughts and ask what area she lives in!


:pals:

[Duncan Grant]

26. Thanks cherryperry!

(please note the bright lightbulb floating in a dialogue box above your head)

[LearnedHand]

12. If you can, LadyHawk, keep reading, even if...

...you don't feel like posting. It would be good to at least keep your eyes on these people here who care about you. God what a horrible experience! Please don't talk as if you don't matter!

I don't know if you watched the debates tonight, but every one of the candidates talked about universal (or near universal) health care coverage. I know mental/emotional health really gets the short shrift, but maybe there's light ahead in the hands of the Dems.

Please PM or e-mail me if you want to chat.

<<<<<hugs>>>>>

NM3Damselfly

[Spirochete]

13. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it.

I really hope things get better for you very soon. Hang in there.

[RandomKoolzip]

14. As a fellow panic attack sufferer, I applaud your effort

to communicate with us.

I'd also like to say to anyone who thinks panic attacks are just "all in your head" or some such other tough love rubbish: talk to one of us. It is REAL, physical pain.

As a teenager, I suffered severe, near-catatonic depression, and as an adult, around the age of 25, I started going through terrifying panic attacks. The first one came late one night after my then-girlfriend (now my wife) moved in together. As she slept in the other room, I was awake, smoking pot, and reading. The next thing I knew, it seemed as though the world began exploding...I couldn't breathe or control the movement of my arms. I was writhing on the floor, certain I was having a heart attack. I KNEW i was going to die. It took twelve hours and the gentle reassurance of my girlfriend to get me back to something resembling normal. Nothing was ever the same after that.

They came regularly from then on; maybe once a week, maybe six days in a row of sheer, can't-move-or-talk fear, translated into crippling pain. Each time, the certainty of death hovered very close, like a mosquito. I quit smoking pot and cigarettes, haven't touched alcohol or caffiene since that day.

It seemed anything could bring on a panic attack...sometimes, I'd be sitting in the park on a beautiful fall afternoon, peacefully, with my wife, when all of a sudden, the most paralyzing fear would take me over and I'd spend the rest of the day crumpled in a ball under the sheets. Going to the movies, going to restaurants, moving too fast in a car...all these sensations brought on the tightness in the chest and cold sweat.

My last major panic attack was on the morning of september 11, 2001, when all the seemingly irrational fear I had been suffering under suddenly seemed quite puny. I was sure that the world was ending right before my eyes. Because of what happened that day, I was shook by a desire to DO something, to help, to get out of my head and engage the world.

I am taking Lexapro, currently, and in the past have had to take Xanax to fight the onset of attacks. The meds have helped, but I'd recommend serious therapy to accompany the ingestion of anti-anxiety medication. Like I said, I haven't had an attack since 2001, but the fear they might come back is always there, which is why I go to therapy. THere are also great books you might wanna consult: "Anxiety and its Treatment" by Griest, Jefferson, and Marks; and "Don't Panic!" by R. Reid Wilson. I hope these help.

Ladyhawk, I am truly sorry to hear about what you've benn going through; there IS a way out, though...It gets better! I swear that you'll get through this, because with some help, I was able to make it. Please take my word for it: It's not always gonna be like this.

PS: Don't abandon DU! In order to recover, the more friends you make, the better!

[Yupster]

18. As one ignorant on the subject,

when you have a panic attack, are yoy afraid of something in particular? or is it just an over-riding fear without knowing what you're afraid of? Do you know it when you're having one? or are you too paralyzed to think?

None of my business, so don't answer if you don't want to, but I've heard of these things, and really don't know what they are.

[Dookus]

23. in my experience...

it's not exactly a fear of anything. It's more like just the FEELING of fear/anxiety. I couldn't breathe, would get sick to my stomach, would feel claustrophic (and I'm NOT claustrophobic!) and have a feeling of impending doom. The phone ringing or a knock on the door would make me jump out of my skin. It's a terrible thing.

[RandomKoolzip]

25. Yeah, you're aware of what's going on.

The way I've always described it is that it feels like your heart is about to explode. THink of all of the syptoms of a heart attack, minus the actual Heart attack itself, and you're pretty close. Any doctor who's worked with sufferers of anxiety attacks will assure you that it's the most severe physical pain you can be in without actually having a real health issue.

One of the unfortunate side effects after they end is the fear that they'll happen again, at any time. This fear itself can lead to more attacks, simply because it is so overwhelming. The real, genuine, terrifying attacks themselves happen without warning, but this insidious, residual fear that one is right around the corner can build into one. I was gradually turning agaoraphobic due to this apprehension to DO anything lest I incur a panic attack. I was getting close to never actually leaving the bedroom before I started taking a bottle of Xanax with me everywhere I went, so that I'd know I'd have a panic-dissolver on hand. I no longer need the Xanax.

I hope this clears some things up, I guess. It must sound pretty vague to those who've never had 'em.

[VOX]

52. If you have had them for awhile, they can be felt as...

an instaneous, overwhelming physical sickness. The fear component can become so basic that all one might do is attempt to move about, or leave the room quickly, etc.

It may sound strange, but the sufferer will do just about *anything* to avoid those episodes: certain situations, foods, people, places, whatever.

I speak from 30 years of painful experience.

The disorder has been shown to have a genetic component -- my mom had it to a degree, and her sister had a really rough go of it.

On edit: It is not at all uncommon for a panic disorder sufferer to give up alcohol, pot, caffeine, or even dark chocolate -- these all tend stimulate and aggravate the disorder.

[MaryBear]

15. Take your time, Ladyhawk.

Things do get better. DU is a caring place, for starters.

[Yupster]

19. I'd lay off politics for a while and

seek people who care about you. You need family and friends now more than political crap which will just make you mad.

[grasswire]

21. to randomkoolzip

My nephew's doctor started him on Atenalol in addition to the seratonin uptake inhibitor thingies. Atenalol is a med that inhibits adrenaline production. Often used for high blood pressure, but also for things like stage fright and panic attacks.

Just FYI.

[RandomKoolzip]

27. Atenalol? I've never heard of it. Hmmm...

The lexapro seems to work okay for now.

Ladyhawk, you taking notes? Loathe as I am to make the pharmaceutical corporations any richer, medication has helped me and it might help you, too...best of luck!

It gets better!

[Zuni]

20. I know what you are going through

I suffer from severe anxiety attacks. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Best of luck to you.

[Terwilliger]

22. keep strong, ladyhawk

it's going to be alright

[cherryperry]

24. I would definitely have noticed and

I want to wish you love along with recovery.

I am going to PM you now.

:loveya: :pals:

[rucky]

28. Check In Every Once In A While...

...please. We'll be worried if you don't, but understand if you can't.

[sasquatch]

29. I fight Depression too Ladyhawk

I've posted why I have depression on the old DU board and gained lot's of supporters. You are stronger than you think you are Ladyhawk

[RevolutionStartsNow]

30. Ladyhawk...

We'll carry the torch for you over here, pouding the pavement (and the keyboards) for our candidates and reminding people that there is much
that needs fixing in this country, particularly health care.

(I don't normally come to the lounge, but someone posted in GD to "get over to the lounge" so I did what I was told, sensing someone in need.)

[RandomKoolzip]

31. Oh, and another thing......

my advice: call up a friend and have him/her tell you jokes or funny stories until you laugh. A sense of humor, as corny as it sounds, will help you get through anything, and it always helped me to have my best buddy riffing away, cracking wise, until I laughed really hard.`

Also, there are breathing excersizes you can try, which helped me out: take a deep, hard breath throught the nose, and hold it for at least five seconds. exhale SLOWLY through the mouth. repeat ten times or until calm. It works (sometimes)!

[Gingersnap]

32. my heart is with you Ladyhawk

I too suffer from depression. It's terrible. But it doesn't always feel bad--things get better. When I'm depressed I think of times when I felt normal, just to reassure myself that I can probably be normal again.

I hope you feel better soon and take care of yourself. Do whatever you have to do. It would be sad if you completely stopped posting though.

[boilerbabe]

33. Your'e not alone!

I have a very good friend at work that has been trying to overcome his panic attacks, has been on Paxil, and many other medications, just hasn't got the right one yet...He says it's like having a heart attack, and I can see the anxiety and excess energy he has...he's still searching too, for the right medication. YOu could give that boy a million valiums and he would still be bouncing off walls.,. I work shiftwork, so we only get to talk like maybe once a month for about 4 or 5 days when we are on the same shift. He says he liked the Wellbutrin somewhat, but the thing is, that once you get to be over 30, it seems like there are several other medical things going on to the point that you can't separate them all!!

Believe me, I should know on the med aspect, had a liver prob that set me back severely this past year, am hoping it's all gone, was basically on chemotherapy for a year, also had a collapsed lung as a result of a biopsy..blahblahbhal...It's like OKeedokee, I'm still alive but what for. Every once in a while, I get one of those panic attacks, but not on a regular basis....it's more like , I can't be comfortable in my own skin, but eventually it passes (if I drink a shitload of beer)

Keep looking for medication, (contrary to most people, I think that there are meds that will at least mellow out what ails ya...)I know alot of people don't recommend that, but I think that maybe it does work for at least a little while, and then maybe a good friend every once in a while that doesn't freak out when you have a hard time dealing with things.
Much love to you!! and I am here anytime you want to just talk or whatever!!
XXXOOO

[ikojo]

34. Ladyhawk, I think someone else uses

an avatar similar to yours. Everytime I see it I hope it's a message from you.

I hope you are able to get better. I know it's a battle. I wish I had words of comfort but I have never been good at that.

You have friends here at DU. I know I enjoy what you have to say.

:hug:

:yourock:

[Iverson]

35. Hey, I remember ya.

People who I love have problems like yours, so I get the main idea. Take good care of yourself, and I hope that we see you again when you're feeling better.

[Cheswick2.0]

36. If you sing, do it

I am telling you that the only thing that got me out of the house when I was experiencing this was to sing. Becaue I sing a lot I breath correctly. So when I was out (usually driving) I would start singing and it would control my oxygen intake for me.

People thought I was nuts, but it was better than the time I spent stuck in the house afraid to walk ten steps from my door. You can do this, you can cope. I know it sounds silly now, but start a walking program. It is good for controling the depression. When I started I could only go a few feet and I would walk back inside scared to death. Every day I went a little farther and I worked my way up to about two miles. That really helped me.

[areschild]

37. I understand

Hi Ladyhawk,

I haven't posted in a long time, but just wanted to let you know I've suffered Depression and Panic Attacks also. During those times I felt that I was physically going to disintegrate. I couldn't eat or sleep. The doctor put me on two weeks medical leave. (I'm retired now). I do understand what you're going thru, and I empathize with you. Are you on anti-depressants? I know how hard it is just to "hang on" and hope it's over soon.

[soleft]

38. Don't give up Ladyhawk

I suffered from major depression and although it took a while I made it back. So never give up hope, you can recover from this.

[DemExpat]

39. Ladyhawk, it looks like lots of people here understand.....

I'll only add that after many years of suffering from this mental anguish, I learned to 'take control' of my panic attacks with:

1)Breathing technique of concentrating on peaceful, regular breaths - you'll find that if you can keep your breathing even, the impending panic quickly dissipates.
2)Carrying an anti-anxiety pill with me wherever I go without taking it, just for support.
3)Reading quite a few books on anxiety and panic disorder.
4)Cutting out the caffeine, alcohol, and definitely no marijuana.
5)Writing thoughts and feelings in a journal.
6)Relaxing aerobic exercise daily - like walking.
6)The homeopathic remedy argentum nitricum, which, for me, has been the best aid ever for me.

For me it has been a long journey - here's hoping that for you it will be much shorter.

:hi:
DemEx

[commander bunnypants]

40. Hang in there my friend

I work in MH, it is a sad state of affairs. If you have a social worker Talk Talk Talk. Take whatever meds are prescribed and keep posting cause we love you.


DDQM

[ProfessorGAC]

41. Take Care Of Yourself

As one who has first hand experience with the paralyzing effects of depression, i wish you well.

Don't withdraw too much from DU. There are folks here who care and understand. Try to stay connected as much as you can.
The Professor

[NashVegas]

43. Advice from Someone Who's Been There

1. Accept this as stress; the day you acknowledge that *for real* is when you can start to regain yourself.

2. That stress you've been carrying inside is like a volcano that's ready to blow. When it manifests itself physically, instead of holding it back, help it along. When you feel an attack coming on, get into an open space and work it off with a brisk walks or light jog. If you're stuck in a small space, pace just like 1960s TV and movie dads. The most important thing is to work WITH this pent-up energy and give it a physical outlet.

3. Talk to your friends and better acquiantances. Let them know what's going on with you. If someone offers you a pillar to lean on, TAKE IT. The best people are the ones who can view the situation, and the causes of your stress, with some humor.

4. Avoid people who make heavy demands on you until you're strong enough to deal with them or loaded up on Xanax.

5. If you are put on meds, try to go with 1/2 the recommended dose and wean yourself off early.

6. Over the long term, Yoga and/or other regular excercise is your friend. Forget about drugs, they only mask the situation. Recommended video: Patricia Walden's PM Yoga for Beginners.

7. (edited in, this should be higher, but ...) You may experience something that feels like being "heartsore," for lack of a better word. That's part of the symptoms, I wouldn't freak out over it.

*panic-attack free for 8 years*

[buddhamama]

44. Dear Ladyhawk,

i have been there and although every situation is different i can imagine and empathize with what you have gove through. my heart goes to you.

my inbox is open if you should need someone to lean on. i'll do whatever i can to help.
keep the faith.
peace.

[Skip Intro]

45. Ladyhawk please take care

I used to think panic attacks, and depression - to a lesser extent, were just names given to states of mind we all experience, and should be able to handle and weather without help or even discussion. That was until I had my first serious bout with depression, and my first panic attack. Its real, and scary as hell (for me anyway).

Something is really wrong when GM profits are more important than the well being of our nation's people. We need flat out free health care for every person in this country (and world) period - no exclusions, no restrictions, no smoke and mirrors.

Please take care and continue to share with DU - it can be theraputic.

:-)

[Ladyhawk]

46. I am too tired to blame anyone for anything.

I didn't blame the Republicans for my ills. All I asked is that you beat them, please.

Being blamed for medical issues...please, I've had enough of that. It's exactly why I am through posting to internet forums. I don't blame. I merely hurt. Why is that so hard to understand?

[disgruntella]

47. if you are referring to post #9, he was a troll

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=163492#163518

That guy was rude to everyone and his statement here was the worst, completely trivializing your problems. Please don't be too troubled by him.

Glad to see you post again - how are you feeling?

[Ladyhawk]

51. Thanks. I should have known he was a troll.

Unfortunately, he hit a nerve, something I've been dealing with because of what was said to me while in the hospital. Let's just say that I was blamed for my problems. Same old story, but it still hurts.

The stigma of Depression, OCD, PTSD follows a person. All I want is to feel well. I'm not interested in holding grudges, although I do get angry when wronged. That's a completely human reaction and denying it is the height of stupidity. It's what you do with the anger that matters.

Thank you, everyone.

Right now I'm hurting so badly that even trolls can pour salt on the wounds. I was in pain so it was hard to notice the dozens of people who posted who do care. I apologize for that.

What can I say. I just hurt. I need a break.

[Nikia]

49. I wish you success in you struggle

I suffer from panic attcks also and have had depression also. I am guessing that you are probably worse off than I ever was or that they are over sensitive about hospitalizing people in your area. Fourty hours is a horrible amount of time to have a panic attack. I do not know what your situation is such as if you are employed or have a person or people living with you that could help you. I guess the important thing is to get some rest and try to eat decently. Practice deep breathing so that you can control your breathing and avoid hyperventilation if you start to have a panic attack. I don't know if they gave you any medication. I have Xanax to take if I have a panic attack. I feel better knowing that I have it to reduce the length of a panic attack should I have one because like you I have had long panic attacks although only 1-2 hours. Get counseling and perhaps attend a support group if they offer them. It helps to know that you are not alone. Be sure to do life affirming activities everyday and try to get out of the house. Take small steps if necessary. It makes the bigger ones easier.

[demnan]

50. My dear internet friend

whom I have never met - I send you my fond wishes for a wonderful recovery. I've been there and looked for help from my friends. I wish you the same - close dear friends who can help you through this time in your life.

Nancy

[David Zephyr]

53. Hi Ladyhawk!

Here's something just for you from Los Angeles!

:hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi: :hi:

And just in case:

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[maxanne]

54. stick around if you can

Ladyhawk. A lot of us care about you. I've never had panic attacks, but I have had problems with depression. About 5 years ago, I was suicidal for nearly a year. It was really awful.

I had 2 friends I could talk to about it, with complete honesty. I didn't want to scare some of the others - but 2 friends were really there for me. Kind, nonjudgmental, and let me cry endlessly, while reminding me that I should get some help. They helped save my life.

Breathing is good. Hydration is good. Walking and talking are good.

take good care of you, please.

[VOX]

55. I'm so very sorry, Ladyhawk...I've been there too...

I know first-hand how demoralizing these disorders can be. If you've had some good care along the way somewhere, then you probably know best what you need right now.

Stress of any kind will exacerbate the disorders, so, insofar as is humanly possible, try to lay off of whatever might be deemed to be upsetting. If that means avoiding some things in the short run, so be it. You need some time to regroup.

I know you know this, but let me echo the sentiments about getting some solid reliable therapy, and perhaps some medication. I don't believe in throwing pills at our troubles, and I'm certainly *not* a doc, but Celexa worked so wonderfully for me that an SSRI might be worth looking into.

After suffering for more than 30 years with panic disorder, I recently returned from a week in the Monterey Bay area -- an 800-mile drive for me. The last time I went that far from home was 1964.

There is hope. Know that no matter how hellish your pain is, you have probably seen the worst of it already. Let us know if there is anything we can do!

Sending many good thoughts your way --