favorite euphemisms?

[short bus president]

My all-time favorite has to be "sleeping together," because it's achieved such common usage euphemistically that one must go out of one's way to explain when it is used to mean what it actually says, rather than to describe non-sleep activities.

Second favorite must be "shaking hands with the unemployed," just because it's such a perfect turn of phrase.

Your favorites? Others worthy of recognition?

[Wickerman]

1. Kneeling at the altar of the Porcelain Goddess

coems to mind. Not the best, but....

[short bus president]

3. Ah, yes - the porcelain section of the euphemism store

Seeing as I'm a kinky sex pervert, I tend to stick with the, er, kinky sex perversion euphemisms, myself. Like "seeding the septic." Another personal favorite. ;-)

[mitchum]

2. "unpleasantness"

[short bus president]

4. "technical difficulties?"

;-)

[trof]

16. For many years the War of Northern Agression

(which Northerners may know as the "Civil War") was referred to (in the south) as "the recent unpleasantness".
;-)

[SiobhanClancy]

5. "peacekeeping force"

and also "Department of Defense". Obviously,it is still,and always,the War Department.

[pippin]

6. currently relevent euphemisms

collateral damage
friendly fire

others:

vertically challenges

passed away

sanitation engineer

senior citizen

[FloridaJudy]

22. Collateral Damage

Has to be the most obscene euphemism, ever. It even beats "terminate with extreme prejudice", and "wet work" - the CIA's weasel terms for "murder".

[TheBigGuy]

7. Well God Damn!

eom

[TheBigGuy]

8. "interesting"

...as in the way Mr. Spock used it.

[TheBigGuy]

9. "a chance to excel"

...for giving a difficult project or task to someone who you know is going to screw it up....or giving some onerous or difficult or politcally "hot" (as in office politics) project to anyone.....

[OKNancy]

10. calling a female handsome

She is a handsome woman.

[trof]

14. I have known handsome women

who were neither pretty, nor beautiful, nor "cute", and possibly were not possesed of outsized mammary glands, but who, nevertheless were "attractive" (at least to me).
Katharine Hepburn comes to mind.
When she was young, with the right lighting and makeup, she may have been beautiful...possibly.
But later on.
Oh later on...she was a handsome woman.
;-)

[trof]

11. "um friend"

When a couple of either or both sexes who have been cohabitating for longer than 3 days (nights), and are CURRENTLY cohabitating, are introduced (usually at a more formal gathering) to (usually) strangers not known to them.

"This is Jason and his...um...FRIEND Rosalyn."

[SiobhanClancy]

12. "downsizing"

Do you think this makes people feel any better about getting laid off?

[VelmaD]

13. The one we use at work...

all the freakin' time.

"opportunities exist to improve <insert whatever here>"

The nice way of saying "You suck!"

Darth Velma

[KamaAina]

15. "Republican"

translation: "fascist"

[disgruntella]

17. "administrative leave"

This was used at a college I used to work at when one of the top administrators got sick and tired of the Bee Ess and called the rest of the administrators on it. The next day our office got the announcement: the pissed-off administrator would be on "administrative leave, until further notice."

We loved it. Somone would go out for a smoke break and say, "Hey guys, I'm going on administrative leave, back in a few!"

Edit: My LEAST favorite: "Human Assets" -- lingo for "Human Resources" -- actually they both suck.

[Ilsa]

18. "I have to use the euphemism" is a favorite of mine.

It brings lots of blank stares. (I can't say much for the company I keep.)

[Ilsa]

19. There was a really great one last night

on that thread about "I just had a bm, ask me anything." Someone commented on the great feeling you get and another comment went something like, "I must have given birth to Meatloaf's daughter." I like that one. Need to find an appropriate venue to plagiarize it.

[Shrek]

20. "Put to sleep"

As in "Our dog was old and in pain, so we had him put to sleep."

Very creepy.

[arwalden]

21. "To Spend More Time With My Family"

[Blue-Jay]

23. I need to

"Take the Browns to the Super Bowl"

[baldguy]

24. "Percussive maintenance"