One of the most "masculine" men I knew

[Cheswick2.0]

I was about 33, had not made it into a production of Godspell with a company I had done sevaral musicals with. I decided to venture to another Company and audition for a production of NINE. I went up on stage, sang my audition song and when I was done, Michael, whom I had never met, said from the dark space in front of me "you have an absolutely gorgeous voice". I liked him immediately of course.

I also knew immediately that he was gay. Michael would be obviously gay to anyone at first meeting. He didn't lisp, he did walk like a dancer which is what he was before he became a director/choreographer, then eventually just director and sometimes actor. But I don't think that is why you would know he was gay, maybe in part. There were other things, maybe the way he dressed. He seemed completely comfortable in his body.

When I met Michael he carried about 145 lbs on his 5'10" frame. He never weighed more than that in the next 8 years, but he did weigh a lot less before he died of AIDS in 1997. Still he was one of the strongest men I have ever known.

He was also one of the most masculine men I have ever known. Why? It could be the way he mentored everyone he loved and respected. If he thought you had talent he would find you oportunities to develop that talent, he would tell you freely what he admired about you.

He didn't give positive notes often. When you didn't get any notes at rehearsal, you knew you were doing fine. But when he gave you what he called, a "cookie note" you knew you had done something special, that you had touched him. I don't remember if I ever got another cookie note after "you have an absolutely gorgeous voice". But I got cast in almost everything he ever directed after that.

I also got "cast" as his best friend, his soul mate, for many years. I was also the subject of his funniest theater stories. He could make some mistake I had made the best party story you ever heard. He made me the center of attention and showed me he loved me everytime he told it, he was so delighted by the way I reacted. Him telling that story and my having provided the source willingly with my clown behavior....It was a dance between us. I don't know if we were more Lucy/Ricky or Will and Grace. Perhaps it was really Lucy/Ethel? Or maybe it was Michael/Teese and that was wonderful enough.

But was that what made him masculine?

Was it that he went to court with me when I was divorced? Was it taking my son school shopping when his father couldn't be bothered? Was it the way he organized peoples lives when they couldn't and told us what was good for us even when we didn't want to hear it? Was it that he was too damn mean to die and so hung on for years past the point he should be gone? Was it that he then directed his "Celebration" from the grave, allowing us once more both to sob and laugh hysterically in a matter of minutes? He had a talent for it.

Was his masculinity that huge ego of his that allowed so many of us to orbit him like the sun, that left us with so much more than what we had when we met him.

What is masculine? Isn't it strength? Isn't it loyalty, faith,humor, the determination not to let someone down once you have made a commitment to them? Isn't it the ability to love without reserve? Isn't it the ability to give someone the base from which to leave and risk and grow?

All those things Michael did for me and more. My exhusband, the man's man, the macho guy, never did.

Even though we had a violently angry falling out before he died (he wasn't very good at letting the baby birds leave the mentor nest and I was a jerk in the way I did it) I have never regreted one minute of our friendship.

God bless you Michael, where ever you are, you will always be with me.

[Flying_Pig]

1. How special for you to have known such a person!

Nice post...
:hi:

[roughsatori]

2. Thanks for the post, it was touching

I hope the DUers who have been using words like "gay," and "sissy," as epithets read your post.

[Cheswick2.0]

4. I hope they read it too

I have to go to class with my eyes all red now. I hope people will read and respond with stories of their own maybe. We find so few extrordinary people in life, it is a tragedy to shut ourselves off from some of them because we "don't understand".

Why do we have to understand, to label and organize people into false categories? What is to understand? Love is all that matters.

[arwalden]

3. Thanks For Sharing...

... You were very fortunate to have known Michael.

-- Allen

[Cheswick2.0]

5. welcome

I am very lucky.

[Darth_Kitten]

6. That's such a special tribute to a good friend....

wow!!! :thumbsup:

[Cheswick2.0]

7. After I wrote this and was driving to school

I decided to attempt to write a play about that period. Just now I started to wonder what form it would take.
There was a article years ago called "The Way We Live Now". It was a long narative about a man who had died of aids and the reaction of all his friends. Some one rewrote it as a play which I performed in and Michael directed. I wouldn't want to do something that took too much from that style. But I would love to honor that perdiod in my life with something that will last, even if only as a stack of papers hidden away in a trunk.