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Republican Congressman Scott "Fruitcake" McInnis of Colorado is planning on retiring after the end of his term. He claims he wants to move on to new things. Some think he is contemplating a run for governer, but my sources in the spirit world tell me he might be thinking about the following options:
1) Mr. McInnis plans to become a commentator for FOX
2) Mr. McInnis would like to "write" a memoir of his time in congress, named appropriately "Colorado Fruitcake," get a reasonable advance, appear on BookTV, and have his work purchased in bulk and turned into mulch for Richard Mellon Scaife's garden alongside any work by Mona Charen or Laura Ingraham.
3) Mr. McInnis will become a board member of a multinational corporation and work tirelessly to see that labor and environmental laws are skirted and the top tier of the company can steal the highest amount of money possible (also known as maximum efficiency in the business world).
4) Two words: Carlyle Group
5) Mr. McInnis will speak at your corporate function / boat show / wedding / bar mitzvah / bat mitzvah / birthday / ground breaking / orgy / college / bar / convention / funeral for ten grand a pop.
6) "I'm Scott McInnis, and welcome to Denver's airport, now with 10% more functional runways and electric lights!"
7) Mr. McInnis will become the spokesman for the thin, lanky, mustachioed blonde guy lobby. also known as the Pat O'Brien Group.
8) Long trial in which Mr. McInnis is sentanced to death for the brutal murder of a child / intern / secretary / wife / hooker / stripper / dominatrix / gay lover.
9) Secretary of Fruitcake Affairs, a cabinet level position created by W to ensure he gets Bar's famous fruitcake safely and within 2 hours of its baking. This is a one a year job. Without pay.
10) Moves to the Castro District with his partner Juan.
So, which of the above do you see Scott doing?
:D
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