I lost myself....I found myself again.

[HEyHEY]

The last few months of looking for a new job and thinking of all the pleasures that come with it...I lost myself. And I'm glad. This new job, it's good money. And for a while I had somehow convinced myself that I wanted the Audi, the cool pad, all that stuff. But you know what, it always felt kinda wrong, like Mickey Rourke says in Barfly, "look around this is just a cage with golden bars." Don't get me wrong I like the new job and I like wearing a suit to work and all that jazz. But I guess the best way to get back on track is to try to be something you aren't, then you find out what you are.

And I'm a transient, streetfighting (figure of speech), bar hopping, socially involved writer...a journalist to the core. That's the life that always seemed best to me...it's what I want. These last few weeks living the life of the money making 9-5 guy have reminded me of that. You see, for a while, I lost everything, the desire to write, make a difference, travel, all that shit. I haven't even published a piece since April. And I couldn't figure out why I was so depressed. Now I know, and it's all so clear. So, I'm gonna do this job, make some money pay of the debts, then I'm off. Late nights, exciting stories, and not knowing what's next. That's what always made me happy. Shame on me for forgetting that.

Right now, I have a glass of Jameson, and Bo didley on the speakers, and I'm writing, it's a rejuventation. One of my desires and of what my life is about. I haven't written truly from the pit for a long time, and I love it. I knew the bastards wouldn't take it...for awhile though I was scared they had. Anyway, as Dr. Gonzo says, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."

Sorry I had to annoy you with this, but I can't say things like this to my friends. Anyway that's it from now on.... And I'm glad I'm not what I wanted to be for a time.



(Now that was self-induldgent tripe!)

[SweetZombieJesus]

1. If that's self-indulgent tripe, I'd hate to see what they'd call my stuff

Good show, my friend. Kind of a psychic pick me up for me to read this, as I'm feeling so goth I could fart out a Bauhaus song these days.

Now if that mental image doesn't make you laugh/vomit, you're the one who's inhuman!

Ok, lack of sleep is making me incoherent. Time for go to bed. Good missive though.

[deek]

2. congratulations

As long as you're reevaluating yourself, you'll always be on your true path.

[HEyHEY]

3. Thanks dudes

I don't feel so ..prickish now!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

4. Good Plan...

I too haven't had the desire to write in quite some time. It's been three years since I've gotten anything worthwhile down on paper. I'm still there. I admire you for getting past it and figuring out what you want. I used to be a journalist to the core...then I worked in radio for six months, and hated every superficial, tempermental minute of it. Now I'm a Criminal Justice Major. Anyway...Good going...Congrats on getting out of your block.
Duckie

[supernova]

5. I know the feeling

I'm not published, but I haven't written anything in a long time either, being too consumed with finding another 9-5 gig. Perhaps too much.

Some days I think about chucking the job search totally and only focusing on my writing. I wonder if I'm that brave.

Congrats to you, HEyHEY, for making that determination.