The "Jackass-O-Lantern," a fun Halloween project.

[sofa king]

Hi kids. Want to bring something new and exciting to your doorstep this Halloween? Great! Here's how:

1) Get a pumpkin.

2) Get a knife.

3) Solicit your maid and several doctors for prescription painkillers. You'll need about a thousand a month.

4) Cut your pumpkin in the normal fashion, but be sure to give it a grimace and a wide open mouth. Do not remove the seeds and pumpkin guts--you'll need these for Step 6!

5) Place your pumpkin on your front porch. Putting it on stairs gives it a nice effect.

6) From the outside, reach into your pumpkin's mouth and pull out the seeds and pumpkin guts so that it makes a nasty pile in front of the pumpkin.

7) You didn't eat all those pills from Step 3, did you? Can you still hear me? Good. Now take your bag of hillbilly heroin and sprinkle it liberally over the pumpkin guts.

8) Voila! You've just created your very own Rush Limbaugh Jackass-O-Lantern!



Just make sure you're rich, famous, and in with the Attorney General before you make this, and you'll be the star of your neighborhood!