Brithten me stupid european up about California...

[Dirk39]

I'm pretty sure, DU is the right place, to ask something like this.
When I was in the USA for a long time about 14 years ago, I was staying in New York most of the times. It was about one of the best times in my life. We were staying in Brooklyn most of the times at the house of a widow, whose husband was a great painter. She didn't know us before at all and she was giving us the keys to her house on the first evening. I've never experienced something like this before in my life and felt ashamed about, how distanced europeans are, when they meet strangers.
But apart from this, there was a younger woman, living in this house, too. She was about 20-something, then. After we travelled all throughout the USA for about 2 month and came back to this house in New York, I was somehow really enthusiastic about San Francisco, the wheater and everything. Not being too serious, I asked this young woman, why she didn't move to San Francisco.
She replied something like: Oh I like it there, but as a young woman, you know, I can't go there. I didn't know, but I felt somehow, that I shouldn't ask her again and change the issue. But being as curious as I am, I asked again. But she refused to answer, and I felt, that she was really annoyed about me, asking again. 'Till today, I don't understand, why she somehow felt annoyed about me, asking this question.
Brighten me up, please!
Hello from Germany,
Dirk

[Demobrat]

1. She was probably referring to the relative lack of

straight males for dating purposes in San Francisco. San Francisco has a large population of gay men (and women) compared to other parts of the country, and is not a place where a young woman looking for a husband would likely head.

[SoCalDem]

2. Also, it's a very expensive city

women still make less than men, and for a young woman to go on her own there would be a real adventure..

Most women are not willing to share living space with people they do not know, and San Fransisco would be a financial nightmare, unless you are well prepapred.. She probably felt comfortabe where she was:)

[Dirk39]

3. Really? This was my first idea, too, but I somehow rejected it...

'cause I thought, it would be something, you could simply say. I'm pretty convinced, these people were rather "progressive", and there are wonderfull straight people in San Francisco, too...
Was it really such a taboo in the USA, then?
I'm governed by a right-wing somehow pleasant gay mayor. I hate, to admit it, 'cause I hate right-wingers, but - hell - even the most conservative people in my hometown - Hamburg - seem to doesn't have a problem with it.
Astonished,
Dirk
P.S. I miss your country so much. The next holidays will take place in the USA, no matter how manny Bushes are there. I love your country. Although it's - hmmm - peculiar sometimes.

[5thGenDemocrat]

12. Dirk, when you come to the USA, come to Saginaw, Michigan

We have a town about ten miles (16km) from here called Frankenmuth. It's famous for chicken dinners (which actually are pretty good) and for its supposedly Bavarian atmosphere. You'll laugh your ass off.
About 80 percent of F'muth's residents (maybe more) claim German ancestry (as do I). Every year, the high school has about eight or ten German exchange students who are always fascinated by what we Yanks think Bavaria is like. To a person, they say it's completely wrong. Kind of like a Bizarro Bavaria.
John
Whose family came from Silesia, thanks.

[Melsky]

4. I met my husband in san francisco

that "no straight males" thing is a myth. I lived there for 10 years, from the late 80s - late 90s, from age 18 to 28. There were tons and tons of straight guys. San Francisco has lots of gay men and women of course. It has many many young single people of all types. I think it just has less older married people.

Of course this was in the good old days, before you had to be a millionaire to even live there. I guess I haven't lived there in over 5 years now - can't believe it has been that long.

Perhaps that girl was homophobic? She thought she would be attacked by a pack of wild lesbians? Or perhaps she had an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who lived there and it made her uncomfortable. Who knows what goes on in people's minds!

At any rate, I don't think there is some standard reason why young women can't move there. I had the time of my life!

[Dirk39]

7. Maybe you're right...

and this made me somehow wondering. I guess esp. back then, when a city was more open to gay people, it was called a gay or lesbian city somehow, but this doesn't mean, that there aren't "straight" people there, I was just wondering, that it's such a taboo. Is San Francisco really that expensive these days? I was there in 1989 and we were staying in - forgive my spelling - "Stinson Beach" back then. It was cheaper than most motels, we were sleeping in on the highways all across the USA. And this place might not have been paradise, but it wasn't too far away, really! Till today, I can't believe that there's such a place for about 20 or 30 dollars back then!
But this gay-lesbian thing really seemed to be the reason for her to react in such a way. I thought you DUers would reveal the deep secret about America now, and it's such simple. I'm dissapointed once more, but I still love you all, anyway,
just wait till I cross the land of the free again,
Dirk

[Demobrat]

9. I'm a straight woman and I've lived in SF for 20 years.

I'm not complaining.

[arcane1]

5. might be just being a big city, which usually have higher crime..

or at least seem to

personally, I"m in the San Francisco area and I'll NEVER leave! :loveya:

[DBoon]

6. Higher crime? Compared to Brooklyn

20 years ago?

[LeftCoast]

8. If she knew anything at all about SF

she was probably talking about cost...plus, the weather can be a bit tiresome for some folks (quite regularly FREEZING cold during 4th of July, for example). Plenty of great straight guys here, but anyone who lives here needs to be comfortable with seeing the occasional m/m or f/f couple showing (gasp) open affection on the street (hand-holding, kiss, etc).

Dirk, wenn Sie je San Francisco besucht, sollten wir ein (oder zwei) Bier(e) trinken. Wir haben auch ein tolles Ossi Restaurant.

Good to have you here at DU!

LeftCoast

[Dirk39]

11. Beware, I take you serious...

No, really, I was travelling to the USA back then with a very - hmmmm - outgoing friend. The kind of guy, who talks to everyone and who asks everyone. And sometimes, I just felt ashamed, 'cause I'm more a reserved kind of guy and I hate to irritate people. But if you ask me like this......
I really liked San Francisco, not so much the nostalgic streets with all those music clubs concerned with the good old days of the Filmore...
And some restaurants were really great. There are more small nice restaurants there then in some European cities.
So beware, I'm coming...:-)
Thanx for the replies,
Dirk
and it was just about gays, just about gays, no big secret....

[Duncan Grant]

10. That is a mystery...

after all, there are more straight men here than gay men. My initial thoughts were about the AIDS crises. There was a terrible hysteria about AIDS 20 years ago (and it was a horrible time - I've been living in SF for 19 years). Odd though, you'd think anyone in the New York area would have thought that through a bit more...

Nice to hear from Germany, please know that not all Americans have lost their minds (or hearts, for that matter). Best wishes! :hi:

[Porcupine]

13. Straight women in San Francisco work HARD to meet men.....

I'm saying this as a guy who used to be staggered by how forward the women were. Straight white women work even harder due to the fact that there are plenty of asian and latino girls willing to date white guys. Asian and Latino men are far less tolerant of "feminist" ideas on average so it's tough for women to go that way. If that's not your experience then you are either used to it or quite lucky.

Single women in S.F. are quite willing to "date down" with guys with less education or income. You won't see this most other places. They are also much more likely to hit the gym than the ladies in Sonoma, Sacramento or Redding. A straight single guy with an income that will buy a house in S.F. is as rare as a white tiger.

This is easy to prove by checking Yahoo personals or Match.com. Lots of S.F. ladies with ads in. Relatively few for the other 9 Bay Area counties. I dont' blame your friend from declining to put herself into such a cutthroat competitive field.