Political deal-breakers in new relationships

[carolinayellowdog]

Hey,

Tonight will be my second date with a new acquaintance. Somehow we have reached the point of intense mutual attraction and interest without ever discussing politics. Now I'm wishing it had come up earlier, and despite not wanting to ruin a romantic evening am inclined to raise the issue before we proceed any further. How to raise the issue depends somewhat on what is and is not a deal breaker. I can accept political apathy, and even someone having voted for * in 2000, which is a lot lower standard than many of you would apply. But the bottom line is that I can't proceed in a relationship with anyone who 1) thinks the Iraq invasion is a good thing done for good reasons and 2) intends to vote for * in 2004. So I guess the question to ask is "What do you think about the War in Iraq?" And PRAY that Mr. Right does not turn out to be Mr. Wrong. He seems to be environmentally aware so that is a good sign.

What would you ask or have you asked to vet a date's politics? Carville/Matalin sounds like hell on earth to me-- two passionately political people with diametrically opposed values and loyalties. But I'm willing to settle for something short of passionate agreement.

CYD

[Brucey]

1. I always advertise myself as a liberal atheist at the beginning.

Once you're into a relationship, I think you need to casually state your views about a few issues and see how he responds. Start slowly and you can get more details later. "Did you see the news? It's just terrible what's going on." See what he says, then go from there. I would divorce anyone who voted for a repug. That's just me though, others seem to work it out.

[wryter2000]

2. On our first date

I asked my hubby on our first date, "So, what do you think of feminism?" That was a deal-breaker for me at the time. This was in 1978, so I didn't have to deal with the vampire chimp.

[wryter2000]

4. And I might add

That was the only political question he got right for years. We had a lot of fights, the worst being when he called someone a K(Jewish slur). Reason and evidence, and the loss of his job under Reagan brought him around. Now, we agree so well, I let him mark my sample ballot for me.

[MsFlorida]

5. it is an issue

and i thought I had converted the little creep; however, he is moving back over to his father's "the colonel" (said with a sneer) politics.

[mhr]

3. Good Leading Question

I agree politics has become a deal breaker for me as well.

I live in Dallas, TX and have not had a date in years because the women here are by and large "big haired" and conservative.

Makes for a lonely life, but I will not compromise on my principals when it comes to my faith in democracy and democratic principles.

How Carville and Matlin make it work, I have no clue.

Be prepared to be disappointed.

Now on the other hand, sleeping with the enemy might lead to some useful insights.

[TEXASYANKEE]

15. Not all.

Not all Dallas women are big haired and conservative ... it's just that we lib women are mostly in hiding! :-)

[cmf]

6. It's kind of amazing, but…

My husband and I never talked politics while we were dating. I think we were both at a very apolitical point in our lives. The first serious discussion we had was after we were engaged and I started to find out that he was even more liberal than I was. We got married in November 2000, right around the election fiasco, and we were both galvanized out of our apathy. Fortunately we happened to be on the same side. So basically, I lucked out to find a partner that just happened to share my views. I don't recommend doing it my way - it could lead to some very unpleasant surprises. I really could not imagine dating, much less being married to a neo-con dittohead.

[KCDem]

8. that's how we were, too!

TXLib and I only knew each other 3 months before he proposed. We were engaged for 11 months, during which I learned a lot more about him, but it wasn't a terribly political time (1996-7). I guess the fact that he didn't bitch and moan about Clinton was a good sign. Maybe I just assumed he was liberal because he was intelligent and from the east coast. If I ever were to become single again, however, I would put "LIBERAL seeking LIBERAL" on my advertisement. ;)

[cmf]

11. Sounds very similar...

Maybe I assumed my husband was liberal because he was smart and from California. Either way, it worked out great!

LOL about "Liberal Seeking Liberal". :D

[SOteric]

7. Any time I feel such a probe judicious

I stick to open-ended questions. (A question which can't be answered with a simple yes or no.)

So I would be inclined to invite him in for coffee, or linger over a glass of wine after dinner, and after the conversation had begun to flow; "So...how politically active are you?" And if that produces nothing more than a "not very," I'd probably declare myself fairly active, and ask if he had any 'specific political issues which particularly interested him.'

[disgruntella]

9. My sister has a funny story about this

She's a lifelong Democrat, and noticed her boyfriend had O'Reilly's book on tape in his car. She asked him about it, and he said, "Oh, I'm not a fan of his; I just think it's important to know what all sides are saying." Needless to say, she was relieved.

After hearing this story I asked her, "What if it was an Ann Coulter book on tape?" -- and her response (paraphrased) was "Hell no! That's a deal-breaker!" lol

[dfong63]

10. my suggestion - love transcends politics

i say, don't rule someone out because of his/her politics. if someone has retrograde political beliefs, but you love everything else about that person, then i think there's a good chance that their politics can change. think of it as an opportunity to educate someone. don't be intolerant. OTOH if the other person is intolerant of your views - that's what can be a deal-breaker.

[damnraddem]

12. Casually mention working for [Dem candidate of your choice], ...

or marching against the invasion, or how much you hate Dubya and his policies. Well, OK, it IS hard to casually mention how one hates Dubya and his policies.

[leftofthedial]

13. Say, "You have a choice..."

You can be a soulless neoconservative Bush supporting warmonger, or you can continue to have a chance of sleeping with me. Which is it?"

[never cry wolf]

14. Very interesting question

i have been having the same thoughts. i reconnected on line with my old high school flame almost 2 years ago. we get along so well and enjoy each others company so much in my gut i just know we will be best friends, and probably more, for the rest of out lives. however, i do know she supported the war and probably voted for whistle ass. generally, we avoid discussing politics as it is a very complicated issue and currently 98% of our discourse takes place using IM, a very difficult form of communication. she is a nature lover, environmentalist of sorts, hates fundys, is very intelligent so i do think there is hope for her.

i have been debating on whether to try to bring some things up slowly, like maybe asking is she had saved up, $300, her share of shrub's request for an additional $87 bil. right or left, most americans don't like politicians spending their money. i think that may be a safe way to test the waters.