I think my mother is trying to have me committed.

[Ladyhawk]

About two weeks ago, I decided that my relationship with my family was terminally toxic and broke it off. One of my counselors who has watched the struggle for quite awhile agrees with my decision. He's tried to deal with my mother and has had no luck at all.

Today I had to drive to UC Davis to see a neurosurgeon. I learned I have degenerative disc disease (already knew that), two herniated discs in my neck (already knew that) and bone spurs (didn't know that). He recommended a new MRI for my neck and for my lower back which is also symptomatic. I laughed because I've had two different doctors request MRIs and Medi-Cal is still sitting on the request after a year. Gotta love those Repugs in Sacramento. And to think, one of them used to be a friend of mine.

Anyway, I got home and there was a message on my machine. My new counselor said he got a letter from my mother asking them to "do" something because I was so bad off. He wanted me to call him right away.

Gee, I wonder what she could possibly mean? :eyes:

Yes, I'm sad because of November 2. Yes, I'm sad because I decided to break off relationships with family. But if my mother is trying what I think she's trying, she's proving that my decision was a good one. She's still trying to control me. :mad:

I've been in the local "loony bin" and it is not a good place. They throw food and pills at you and that's the extent of their "treatment." I would have reported them by now for some of the stunts they've pulled, but when you're depressed, you don't feel much like fighting. They have two inpatient psychiatrists. One is a moron. The other is a fundy. Fundies in charge of the loony bin? Very, very bad idea. The place is a hellhole that leaves you more depressed than when you came in.

No thank you. I think I'll tough it out on the outside.

My old counselor will chew my mother up and spit her out if she tries to have me committed. Thank goodness for a non-fundy, non-Republican counselor!

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. If where you are is anything like NJ...

And I think it is, the burden of proof for involuntary commitment is pretty damn high. You have to be shown, conclusively, to be a danger to yourself or others. Simple anecdotal evidence from your mother will not cut it.

If your therapists are with you, on your "side", you should be in good shape.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

2. Maybe your new counselor should consult with

your old counselor.

[bettyellen]

I had to break off a portion of my family too. hang in there, okay?

It was obviously not as bad as what you're going through. But my Aunt did try to make me out to be crazy, and a liar, as well to my brothers, and believe me it's caused a permanent rift with one of them, too. But you know, she's a psycho, and she was up in my business way too much, giving me grief was her part time job. she's a friggen pit bull who wasn't going to stop. I had to stop it myself.
Some parents can't stand seeing their kids grow up and out, they don't know how to let go. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Best wishes to you.

[Elidor]

3. Oh, l_ /-\ |) '/ |-| /-\ \/\/ |<

That is just awful. I hope she doesn't go there. You seem very rational to me. The "doctors" involved are paid to find fault. It's how they justify their salaries. I wouldn't wish that on anyone but Karl Rove. Sending good vibes your way. iAndalé, muchacha!

[jdots]

4. You should ask your mom what she wants

after she says all the surface stuff a few times,you say Mom what do you really want.? this game takes a while then she figures it out.

[AgadorSparticus]

5. you know, just because she wants you committed doesn't mean

that she has grounds to actually commit you. your counselor would have to prove you are not competent and you sound like you know exactly what you are doing.

i know blood is thicker than water, but damn if it isn't completely toxic sometimes. hang in there. i wish you the best.

[pk_du]

6. Hang in there LadyHawk....you are in the right and will prevail...

....you are close to total freedom from them....its justr a matter of time and WE ARE WITH YOU. Like you said a while ago , life without these negative forces in your life WILL BE BETTER.

[Gyre]

7. Maybe you should call

Legal Services of Northern California. They've got an office in Woodland.

Gyre

[chookie]

8. For what it is worth...

,,,my dear, you seem lucid to me. I know your posts...they don;t stick in m mind as EVER having been goofy in any way, so this stuff comes as a surprise, and of course it arouses suspicion and concern.

I don't understand all the complexities here, but still, uh, you seem pretty lucid overall.

And the conflict with your Mom is quite understandable.

Please darling - please contact who you can trust if anything weird happens. Please let us know if we can help.

XOXO
many hugs and much sympathy your buddy always, chookie

[thecrow]

9. I hope you're over 21

and I hope you are out of her house!!!
Good luck with everything, especially the neck problems.

[Guaranteed]

10. Not that you're even thinking it...

But you're almost certainly not crazy. You make way too much sense. Don't listen to these assholes.

Behind ya 110%.

Course, that's coming from the BUll Goose Loony.

[GingerSnaps]

11. The College that you attend has therapists

The therapists work for free because they do their externships at Colleges. They are not diagnosing someone because they are being paid to or they have to show proof that they are doing their job. They are there to help you.

You have rights! You have your own apartment and you are not under age and you are no longer under her roof so she shouldn't be able to boss you.

She feeds off of controlling you and you can't let her get you down and make you depressed. You have your own life now don't let her get to you. :hug:

[Baja Margie]

12. Don't React

Hard to do, and it takes some practise, but it works.

BTW, we never did thank you for making that great compendium on the election. Finally figured out how to download it, many thanks, great job!

[Ladyhawk]

13. Thanks. I'll update it when I can find time to catch up on events.

Chili made a great page, too. Good stuff.

[China_cat]

25. My grandmother tried

that on me when I was 18...and in a time when committing someone else (especially if that someone was female) was much, much easier.

She got laughed at and the court wouldn't even hear her petition. And I'm sure I seemed a lot loonier than you do. After all, I was running away with a carnival and standing for a knife thrower.

[Ladyhawk]

14. I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping.

I keep hashing it all out in my mind. You all have good advice.

I will find out tomorrow if this is what she is up to. In my gut, I think so. In fact, I halfway expected this move.

Believe it or not, now that she hasn't been around for two weeks, I'm getting past the anger stage and realizing that she cannot change. She's been too rigid for too long and cannot change. How sad for our relationship. :( How sad for her. At this point, any motivation to hurt my mother is gone. I just want to be free. Unfortunately, this means I have to hurt her. :(

[baba]

15. 5150

To be "5150" (involuntarily committed) in California, it needs to be proven that a person poses a serious danger to self or others, or is gravely disabled to the point where he/she can't care for themselves and is at serious risk because of this grave disability. It is very difficult to get someone involuntarily committed in California! Don't worry....

[Ladyhawk]

16. Yep, that's what she was doing.

She's even threatening to have the police come and search my home.

Wonderful.

I think my new counselor just had a crash course in Ladyhawk's Mother 101. Now he may actually get it. I told him I half expected her to make this move.

She also sent a letter to my old counselor. He will not be amused.

[htuttle]

17. One day, you'll be able to commit her to a State Run Nursing Home

Look forward to that day!

[Midlodemocrat]

18. You shouldn't have anything to worry about

..the days of having someone committed just like that are long past. Ironically, we tried to have my SIL committed for elder abuse, and were unable to do so. The onus is on your mom to have you committed. Maybe, just maybe is it possible that she was referring to the pain in your back/neck when she referenced doing something?

[Ladyhawk]

19. Nope. She sent a detailed letter to my psychiatrist explaining...

...why I needed "inpatient care."

One of her reasons is that I don't want to associate with anyone who voted for Bush. :) Eventually, I may be able to forgive the general population for being that stupid, but who can blame me for wanting to be Bush-free for awhile?

Besides, there's more going on here than political differences. Obviously.

[Midlodemocrat]

21. Gee, I am so sorry for you

my mom passed away two years ago and we were kindred spirits about politics, so I really miss her. It must be very hard on you to be detached from your mom, but you need to be if she is toxic. My husband's mother was extremely toxic and it took him years to get away from it. Good luck. You shouldn't have any trouble with the committment thing, though. Just her word isn't enough.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

22. I remember another political regime

In which disagreement with the rulers was considered a mental disease. It's on the tip of my tongue. I CAИ'T ЯECALL WHEЯE IT WAS...

[Ladyhawk]

23. LOL!!! I'm glad we're not quite there yet or I'd be in trouble. n/t

[bettyellen]

24. Oh honey, I feel for you...so much. As far as the searching goes, if you

can at all go down and talk to the police before she ever gets the chance it will increase the chance that they will view a call from her as harassment.
If you think there's any chance that she'll make good on this threat, it could be important. This is how it works between men and women... if you wait and let it get to a confrontation, and it's he said she said, they do not know who to believe. But if you had gone down and asked them to make a note, (I think it's just a report, and your Mom shouldn't have to find out about it, either) you have a much better chance of her accusations being dismissed.
I had to force a friend to do it with a guy making verbal threats. He has no idea that the local precint has a record of his verbal threats.

[H2O Man]

20. It sounds like you have three things going on:

{1} The season, which included stress between you and your family over the election, etc, and also family issues become more stressful near Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year.

{2} You have some medical issues that create stress, and actually more. Chronic physical pain & discomfort, including that which you describe relating to your neck & back, can drain your brain of the chemicals that help put you in a good mood.

{3} You mention a history of treatment, and I believe you havbe made reference to depression before.

I don't know your mother, but I'm going to put this out to see if it sounds right to you: maybe she honestly thinks you are depressed, and possibly she would rather think you are depressed rather than making a rational decision to cut off your relationship with her.

The physical issues may be the most pressing thing right now. I would encourage you to speak openly to whatever therapist you are seeing. Talk about how the physical issues impact your day-to-day life.

One of the most important things in dealing with depression is being able to talk about it, and having a support system to do that talking with. You have the professional and the non-professional support that can help. The decision on the family issue is up to you. It is a sad thing to say, but many rational people are having to cut-off relationships from family members in order to take care of themselves.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[bettyellen]

26. If you can find it, rent the movie Ethan Fromme or read the story...

It explains well the dynamic of people who need to create a codependant relationship no matter the price. Because your current quest for freedom has to be very frightening to your mom, and you're right to come to the conclusion that she won't change.
The movie's a bummer, but the biggest eyeopener in terms of my coming to understand the mindset on controlling people. It's a book by Edith Wharton, but Liam Neeson is so good in it, and it's very faithful to the story, so....

[shesemsmom]

27. Your councilor

wont let that happen. You made a decision right for you. Your Mom will have to deal with it. Sometimes we come to the end of relationships and unfortunately, when they are family it really hurts.She will either come to terms with it or see that she is hurting you more by trying to push into your life. Good luck, sounds like you need it