I'm a single woman who befriended a child so I can't be trusted

[demnan]

This is so stupid! The young neighbor of mine who is 5 years old is a sweet, beatiful and intelligent human being. She was the first neighbor here in the suburbs who really trusted me and just is such a sweet active little child.

So I talked with her and of course she fell in love with Pad Thai, my cat, everybody who sees him falls in love, that's no biggie. So we're friends. Her folks are cool, they saw me when I was handing out democratic literature at our polling place and haled me and were very nice and wanting to get together.

But this Grandma is really suspicious, and I just have to pity the mind set that would suspect me. I'd rather die than hurt a child. I'm single but I've had a weight problem all my life and I'm shy so I never met someone to wed. I've been a good aunt to my nieces, so why does being single make me a suspicious individual?

[mondo joe]

1. You have no idea what it's like to be a man.

If a man even smiles at a kid they don't know they are entering a gray area in which they can be suspected of the worst.

Whenever I walk around alone, especially after dark, and there's a woman walking anywhere near me I know I might automatically be suspect.

Heck, I don't even blame women for being cautious in those situations.

Beyond the fact that I wouldn't physically harm anyone I'm not even heterosexual :-(

[demnan]

5. What kind of sick society is it that we live in?

That the first thought in anyone's mind is that a person would commit the most evil act that could ever be imagined on a child. How has our society gotten to this point?

[lumberingbear]

11. Been there, done that Mondo

If the neighborhood kids came on property, I always made sure that they stayed in front yard so they could be seen by everyone. (Being a gay man I am always cautious so I won't be setup.)

[Mojambo]

14. So true

I've always been told that I am very well suited to the field of childcare, but I never pursued it because I am (and will continue to be) a single man.

[Beaverhausen]

2. Can you befriend the grandma, too?

once she gets to know you and know your interest in the child is innocent she will probably be OK.

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. NEVER get in a situation where you are alone with her

That makes you vulnerable to all kinds of accusations. Unfortunately, in this day and age, those of us who like children and reach out to them must think of protecting ourselves.

[bliss_eternal]

15. I agree with this, pls don't take this lightly

This is no reflection of you, but merely a sad reality of the world we live in now. No adult can really be trusted with a child outside of the child's parents.

There are adults that pursue professional paths that will allow them to be with and around children, then they manipulate their situation and prey upon the children (i.e. soccer coaches, teachers, counselors, etc.)

I am not by any means insinuating any of this applies to you. I'm sure that it doesn't. Just be careful. Do NOT be alone with this child. If you are, you put yourself at risk for being accused of anything. Then it is your word against the child's. Guess who's word they will take?

It isn't a given even that parents are trustworthy with their children anymore (thankfully). A friend's child fell from jumping on her bed, which I personally heard her tell the child NOT to do on many occasions. When the child was taken to the hospital, my friend was separated from her child, while the child was interviewed about how this had happened. Of course, she told that she had been jumping on the bed even though mommy told her not to, and hurt herself. LOL! Which brought some smiles of recognition from the staff, knowing how defiant kids can be.

Again, this is my friend's child. i'm just citing an example of how seriously situations involving children are taken these days. If there was even a question that she may have done this to her own child, they would have put her in cuffs right then.

You are a neighbor to these people. You aren't a relative or close friend. Please heed the prior poster's warning, don't EVER be alone with this child.

Just don't want to see you hurt in any way,
Bliss

[Downtown Hound]

4. Some people are just paranoid of everything

My grandparents got to the point where they wouldn't even travel to a city because they were afraid of being shot. They lived in a retirement community with absolutely no crime where young people weren't allowed, and they still wouldn't go outside after dark and kept loaded guns in their nightstand by the bed.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. It could be a generational thing, remember some of those people had different values, and maybe think a woman your age (whatever that may be) should be married. And some people are just afraid of everybody.

[shesemsmom]

6. It's a sad world we live in.

I'd just keep on doing what I was doing unless the parents address it.

[slutticus]

7. Isn't Pad Thai a noodle dish?

LOL

I beleive I had that for lunch the other day.

Is your cat from Thailand or Vietnam? ;)

And about the single thing...I get that too....except i'm a guy. I think it's worse for shady looking punks like me. I wouldn't hurt a fly...let alone a child. Some people are just ignorant.

[demnan]

17. Pad Thai is a Blue point Siamese

When I got him, he looked like a thin rice noodle and I had a little fun with his name. Here he is in all his glory:

[TalkingDog]

8. I think the answer lies in your statement

"She was the first neighbor here in the suburbs who really trusted me...."

This is meant as a potential explanation of G'ma's thinking....

Adults who are "well-adjusted" usually bond socially with people their own age first, then to others in the social circle. The fact that you have an immediate and obvious connection with a 5 year old might speak to personal issues you have as a physically mature adult.

Now, I'm shy myself. I always have been. I bond with critters and children long before I bond with adults. This, in addition to my natually shy nature, is because as a child the idea that adults are not very trustworthy or kind was reinforced again and again.

When I'm under the stress of meeting new people, I will sometimes regress to that mindset. Being conscious of that reaction helps me to be aware of the reality of the situation versus my instinctual protection response.

So, my advice. Be nice to granny and the parents. Gain footing as an adult equal. Talk about your nieces, how much you like them, how much you like their company and why.

DON'T go out of your way to be too nice or sweet to grans. She will see that as an attempt to butter her up (because she has you sussed, ya' know?)

Good luck.

[demnan]

18. Well there are neighbors here who are real red necks

and were extremely unfriendly to me when I moved in. These were mostly people in their twenties and thirties, a newly married couple who threw cigarette butts down on my patio all the time and are very inconsiderate, and a few others who were single and very unforgiving for any transgression (such as a workman who parked in their spot, before I even moved in and being hispanic and I told him not to, but got lost in the translation).

This child's parents are the only people in this unit who are sincerely friendly to me (except for the boyfriend of the girl next door who is a young guy and liked the lady I bought the condo from.) So when I moved here it was a very hostile situation. I also have a neighbor down the way who is a grandmother who has cats and she's friendly also.

The good sign was that this child's parents waved at me when I was working at the polls with a Democratic tshirt on and handing Dem literature. I think he's a working guy and they're both very nice. So I hope the grandma doesn't poison this one good relationship I have here in this neighborhood.

[Kali]

9. its Television

the world is no different in terms of bad people doing bad things, its just that now you hear of every instance instantly.

I agree with the poster who said befriend the gramma - she probly needs it too.

[GRLMGC]

10. Does your

name mean the Mother Goddess?

[Kali]

12. the usual

definition is goddess of love, war and distruction, Shiva's wife, but a book i got recently explains it in a much more complex way - as eastern religion tends to be!

[GRLMGC]

13. cool n/t

[SmokingJacket]

16. So sad.

When I was a very small child, like three, I befriended a woman who lived in an apartment upstairs from me. She was childless, and we both liked parrots and Shirley Temple movies. If my mother didn't know where I was, she looked there. Her name was Joan.

I hate that our world has changed like this.