(I'd do this in the P&C boards but people would take me seriously)
(everything is in alphabetical order since if I did it any other way someone would bitch that I was showing favoritism towards one of the candidates)
- Wesley Clark - Who is this bozo to think he could be a president. He's military, geez, "WARS R US" as the leader of the United States. And what the hell was this waiting waiting will he or won't he crap. I mean if he was waffling on his decision to run for president, imagine him trying to figure out how to find healthcare for all americans.
- Howard DeanPul-lease, first the guy is short. I mean how can ANYONE be a president when they are clearly 5 inches shorter than me when I wear my 3.5 inch heels (real story). I mean Randy Newman had a point when he sang about Short People and you can be assured that song will be a focus point of the Bush campaign attacks against Howard Dean.
- John Edwards - He's from the same state as Jesse Helms and lets face it, he's probably in secret cahoots with the old geezer. It's something about those Carolina states - who knows Edwards could actually be Strom Thurmond still alive but wearing a mask. If you see Trent Lott suddenly supporting the Edwards candidacy then you know we're in trouble
- Dick Gephardt - You do know this man has no eyebrows. How can we have a Leader of the Greatest Superpower in the World with no eyebrows. I mean how can he give Evil DOers around the world that sinister look with the raised eyebrows when the guy doesn't have any eyebrows to raise in the first place. Until this man discovers the joy of eyepencilling - MOVE ON!!!
- Bob Graham - This guy is from the second biggest joke of a state (it was first until California decided to recall their governor). I mean you know he isn't going to win Florida (wink! wink!}and if he can't win his own state then how can we pick him as a President.
- John Kerry - One word - KETCHUP. I mean this guy is married to the wife who was married to the heir of Heinz Ketchup and you know it was Heinz Corporation that was lobbying the Reagan administration to include Ketchup as part of a food group so they could be used for our school lunches. Geez, if Kerry gets to be president what else will be deemed a fruit or vegetable to get on the School Lunch program? Our Children will be served meals comprised totally of Ketchup (Fruit), Relish (Vegetable), BBQ Sauce (Meat group - I mean it has meat flavoring in some of those), Mayonaise (more Meat Group) and Mustard (we'll make that our grain since Mustard Seeds could be considered a grain). Think of our children!!!
- Dennis Kucinich - ok, not only is this guy short but we can't even pronounce his last name. And he's kinda goofy looking too. I mean, we need BEEFCAKE for our presidents who does Kucinich think he is???!!!!
- Joe Lieberman - I suppose I shouldn't bitch about Joe. I mean think about this - folks know who Joe is. WE give them a list of these 10 candidates and most of America scratches their head in wonderment about who the hell they all are. Then they see Joe and think - ok - I know this democrat, sure I'll say Joe for president since I really want Bush out of the White House and I'm just your average american more worried about my job and lifesavings than to be able to name the 10 candidates for the democratic nomination. But since I want Bush out, what the hell, I'll pick Joe
- Carol Moseley Braun - WHAT THE HELL!!! Hyphenated Names. It's bad enough we have someone with a name like Kucinich, but geez, what the heck is with these damn hyphenated names. I mean we'll confuse the living bejesus out of the rest of America. People will just assume it's a Mosely and a Braun running for President. And then there are the puritans who'll start complaining that she's one of those modern new-fangled women that think they have to have 2 last names instead of just sticking with one.
- Al Sharpton - The Hair, we'll leave it at that.
Done!!!
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