My best friend, Dale, back home in CA: HIV viral load is detectable. FUCK.

[Bertha Venation]

Since just months after he learned he's HIV+, his viral load has been undetectable. He learned of this new status last Thursday, on his 44th birthday.

He's been very depressed. I called him on TG to wish him a happy, had to leave a message. He finally called me back the following Saturday. Told me he'd planned to go to his brother's for TG but didn't have it in him. So he spent the holiday alone.

His boyfriend -- I thought, his partner -- is a performer. Right now Ty is on a six-month Mexican cruise ship gig. He docks at San Pedro every Sunday for a few hours. That's the only time Dale sees him.

Ty is bi, which is no problem. The problem is that Ty is so far in the closet he's in danger of becoming a garment bag. Dale said that Ty has told his cast mates either that he isn't in a relationship or that his partner is a woman. Dale is OUT. You can't be any more out than my bud unless you're Harvey Fierstein. It's pretty hard to understand, when you've been out forever and are also a performer and live in a gay-friendly world, that the man you thought was your partner fucking has to hide. Chickenshit.

Dale is one of the most wonderful human beings on the planet. He falls in love with seemingly wonderful men who woo and romance him -- oh, god, Dale's a sucker for romance -- and then take him for granted and take horrible advantage of him. Why can't he find a good man?!

He knows it's time to separate himself from Ty. But he has been so depressed. I believe he was feeling his mortality before getting the news -- ON HIS BIRTHDAY -- about his viral load. He is too low to do anything big.

He has to change his entire drug regimen. It took him more than a year to get used to the old one: to figure out how to avoid the side effects, learn to force-feed himself, learn how to get to sleep, etc. Now he has to start all over again.

Do you believe we can have soul mates whom we do not marry or have sexual relationships with? I do. I have two soul mates. Mrs. V. is one and Dale is the other.

:cry: I miss him, and I can't be there to hold him. He needs me and I'm 2,600 fucking miles away.

[Cuban_Liberal]

1. You're good people, Kim.

Dale is lucky to have a friend like you. We should all be so lucky.

:hug::loveya:

[Bertha Venation]

5. You're sweet, Tony. Thank you.

:loveya:

[Cuban_Liberal]

10. Any time, doll!

:hi:

[faithnotgreed]

16. that is the truth! well said and best wishes to you and to dale

[Fenris]

2. Oh, Mrs. V, that's wretched news.

I do believe we have platonic soul mates. I love several people more than most in this world, but it isn't sexual or romantic. Genuine love for another human being is a natural part of existence. And it is by far the best part of existence.

:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

6. Love is all we need.

But sometimes, when it's far, far away, it is wretched.

Thanks for being on the planet, Fenris. :hug:

[Fenris]

13. I, too, thank you for your existence.

You help remind me that in the sea of wretched people that seem to populate the planet, there are many wonderful human beings.

:hug:

[canuckforpeace]

3. I believe it's possible to love people,

period. You obviously love your friend. Be there for him. Listen to him. Love him.

[Bertha Venation]

7. I do, I do, I do.

I only wish I were 10 minutes' walk away from him, like I used to be, instead of a 6-hour flight.

[flamingyouth]

4. I'm so sorry

I just read your subject line and your first paragraph. I'm too gutless to even read any more of the post. My sadness meter is maxed out at this point. But I'm sorry for your friend, but he is lucky indeed to have a friend like you. :hug:

[Bertha Venation]

9. can't tell you how well I understand "sadness meter maxed out"

oh, so well, FY

No matter. I know you are part of my large loving community and I thank you for that. :hug:

[Maat]

12. I think that you are a great friend.

I'll be thinking positive thoughts...praying that your pal will find a new medication routine that works for him, and that you will find inner strength to take care of yourself, and support your friend as well. Take care!

[Liberal Veteran]

8. It could be just a transient "blip"......

It does happen fairly often that people will have a detectable viral load (due to a recent flu shot or viral infection).

It's frighteningly scary, I know. I live in fear of the day my first line regimen stops working.

I wouldn't change regimen until another test a few weeks later.

If he experiences viral failure, then he will need to have a resistance assay done to see what mutations his virus has and what he can take.

Don't panic.

Be strong. It may be nothing.

Read this:

http://www.aidsmap.com/en/docs/1F1AFEC6-793D-4927-9A5D-29E6ADD79699.asp

Once it has been suppressed below 50 copies/ml, viral load may sometimes rise above 50 copies/ml without indicating that treatment is failing. An isolated result above 50 copies/ml is called a 'viral blip' and may be the result of variability in the testing process. Although several studies have shown that even when several such blips occur, people who experience them are not at increased risk of treatment failure compared to people who maintain viral load below 50 copies/ml, others have found that viral load blips can be a signal that virological failure may well occur soon.

One study, which looked at 241 individuals receiving AZT/3TC/indinavir for a median of 84 weeks found that 40% (97) experienced one viral load blip above 50 copies/ml, and 32 of these patients experienced two consecutive increases in viral load above 50 copies/ml before viral load fell back below 50 copies/ml. Forty-seven out of the 97 individuals who experienced a viral load blip eventually recorded a viral load above 200 copies/ml before it returned to a level below 50 copies/ml. A viral load blip was not associated with a greater risk of long-term viral rebound in this study, and blips continued to occur in patients who had been receiving the regimen for up to five years (Havlir 2001). The same group also found that subsequent re-suppression of viral load did not appear to be associated with HIV-specific immune responses, suggesting that blips do not prime the immune system to exert progressively greater control over HIV.

[Bertha Venation]

14. i hope to christ that his doc knows as much as you do

I will know more after I talk to Dale myself. I don't know whether to be mad at myself for not knowing this was going on, or mad at him for not calling me to tell me about it. No matter; being angry will solve nothing.

Thank you very much for this info. His viral load was something around 150 this time. I don't know how bad that is. As I said, I'll have much better info after I talk to him.

Thanks again, LV. Knowledge is power, and usually a comfort. Thanks. :hug:

[MuseRider]

18. Hi Bertha

You might want to contact someone close to you who you can learn these things (what LV was talking about) for yourself. When my brother was diagnosed I was very lucky to have an infectious disease Doc to take care of him, he is also a friend so it was a good deal all around. I went to the local AIDS clinic and they supplied me with a ton, and I mean a ton, of information. It was odd that many of the nurses and other doctors did not know much about AIDS and HIV. Having been a critical care nurse it was easy for me to understand but it is a tough go trying to get started. I also hope his doc knows all of this but you simply can't count on that, even now. That may be one of the best things you can do for him being that your hugs are far away. I believe he feels them though, how could he not? I am so sorry, it is such a horrible thing to love someone ill. The good news, I am certain you are aware of this, is that so many live for so long now by being able to change their regimen. It is difficult but it does work many times. Take care, you are amazing. :hug: :hi:

[Liberal Veteran]

20. 150 is not really "bad"....

Let me see if I can explain.

When VL tests first came out, they only could detect 400 copies (anything less than that was considered undetectable).

Then the ultrasensitive assay came out and it could detect 50 copies per ml.

150 is still a very very very low number. It may be a "blip" or it may be a sign that his regimen is just starting to fail.

They can't even do resistance testing until you reach over 1000 copies per ml.

(If it helps, I started treatment at 250,000+ copies per ml).

Put into perspective, 150 copies is not a horrible number and as long as his t-cell count is not dropping, it wouldn't be considered bad.

Until he has confirmed his results and his VL is still climbing (usually 3 months later), then there is nothing to panic over.

It IS a cause for concern and bears watching and you know he is going to need what support you can give to help him through to the next test.

I've been 99.9% compliant for almost 5 years now on one regimen and I know damn well I'll be a basket case if my VL ever starts climbing.

You are a good friend and hopefully armed with the knowledge I have shared, you can help keep his spirits up.

I consider myself reasonably well-versed on the issue and will happy to answer any questions you may have. Please message me with any questions you may have and I'll give you my best and link you to sites that will help explain it.

:hug:

[fluffernutter]

11. yes, i totally believe you can have soul mates like that.

i'm so sorry. :hug: Dale is in my thoughts.

[hlthe2b]

15. Yes, I do believe you can have "platonic" soul mates and while I feel

badly for both of you, I'm glad that Dale has you. I'm sure he does as well. Best wishes for a remission in his HIV and long years of good health.

[auntAgonist]

17. Such a lot of sad news for you

in one week :( I DO believe we can have soul mates that are not our life partners, soul mates that are our deepest friends for a lifetime. Dale, I'm sure can feel your love from afar ... many blessings to both of you Bertha, may you find comfort in the knowledge that Dale knows of your friendship/love/kinship with him. Lets hope and pray (however it is we do that) that Dales regimen works to the best for him, and he responds well ..

many hugs.

sincerely

auntAgonist

[Left Is Write]

19. I'm sorry.

That's heartbreaking.

I, too, believe we can have soulmates other than the romantic variety.