Dead Santa Letter generator

[Neoma]

http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/santa/index.asp

[Massacure]

1. Buwhaha

Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,

This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have always helped my daddy with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my big sister, please bring a diaphragm. For my hampster, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Harry Potter toilet paper, and front row tickets to Britney Spears – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

Big Fat Idiot

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Tottaly Obnoxious Moron? She has been a really perverted weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!