I just learned today that my father passed away...

[slor]

last spring. My mom and he were never married, and were an interracial couple. His family disowned him due to their bigotry, and I guess this may have contributed to his alcoholism, which in turn, caused the break-up of our family. I was stunned by the news of course, despite not seeing him since I was 12. But I did not cry for some reason, I was just mildly disappointed that my mom may have known for several months, and did not tell me. My wife directed me to Legacy.com and I found this obituary:

Kipp Willis A., age 73, of Mpls. No known family. Graveside service Thurs. 1 PM, Ft. Snelling Nat'l Cem. Meet in Assembly Area #2 at 12:45 PM. Gearty-Delmore 763-537-4511
Published in the Star Tribune from 5/2/2004 - 5/5/2004.


I broke down when I read "No known family". I remember going fishing with him, and how he liked to drive fast in his corvette. I was always scared, but I knew somehow, as kids do, that he would keep me safe. He should not have died alone like this, no matter what his shortcomings were in family life. I called the funeral home, and they told me that he died of unknown causes. He also apparently had a bi-polar disorder. He was also a vet, so I guess that they provided some sort of honor to him at the funeral. I do not know why I decided to discuss this here, but it seems to have had a cathartic effect, so thank you all for for this place that has become like a home.

[xultar]

1. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It is what is in your heart that counts

not what is printed in the paper.
O8)

[flamingyouth]

2. I'm very sorry to hear this

What a terrible loss for you. My thoughts are with you. :hug:

[greatauntoftriplets]

3. My condolences on learning of your father's death...

It must have been very difficult to learn so many months after the fact. And it's good that you care, even though he had not been in your life for many years.

[goclark]

4. Our prayers are with you at this time of sorrow

[indigobusiness]

5. So sorry, Slor.

May he rest in peace.

[shesemsmom]

6. I hope that you find some peace in what you had with your

Dad as a child. And sharing with your DU family. You are in my prayers

[mazzarro]

7. Sorry to learn of your loss.

My sincerest condolence.

[Starlight]

8. I'm so so sorry, Slor.

I wasn't told about the deaths of 2 different family members until weeks/months later. I understand that it's very disturbing to find out like this. I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

[CornField]

9. I'm so very sorry to hear this, slor

It is always difficult to say goodbye to someone we have loved -- it's always too soon and there always seem to be things we wish we could have said or did.

I'm also quite sure that a good father never wants his child to be in pain -- emotional or physical. Do what it is that you need to do to honor him, then carry on with the biggest honor of all -- living and being a good soul.

:hug:

[PoiBoy]

10. You have our deepest condolences....

..he lives on in your memories and that's a special thing... I hope you find the time to visit the cemetery... he'd like that.

[ikojo]

11. Maybe you could have a memorial service

That might help you through your grieving process.

[UrbScotty]

12. Oh no. I can't imagine your pain.

I just cannot comprehend what yoiu are going through now.

Know that through the confusion and grief, we are with you.

[GreenPartyVoter]

13. I am so sorry! *hugs and prayers*

[Metatron]

14. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My thoughts are with you.

[fluffernutter]

15. that is so sad, i'm so sorry.

:hug: let yourself grieve, or it will come back later, which is never fun. take care, you will be in my thoughts.

[lostnfound]

16. Hugs to you, Slor.

So sorry.

Is it possible that your mother doesn't even know?

The best parts of your father live on in you. I like to think that all those best parts are just working their way into your heart right now, like a little 'homunculus', and that's why it aches.
It hurts like hell right now, but after a time, it will be whole and glowing with light, like a hologram, a miniature 'dad' that you carry with you, as his legacy.

[pres2032]

17. I'm so sorry

You are in my prayers... :hug:

[Cheswick2.0]

18. I think I understand

It is like no one is validating this relationship for you. This was your father and you have a right to mourn him, but you don't know what it is you are mourning. The people who burried didn't know, but he does have a family. He has you.
Poor man, he had so many hard hits against him.

[HEAVYHEART]

19. I'm so sorry..

:(

[Her Blondness]

20. I am sorry for your loss, I have been there

I know what it's like, my own father died July 4, 2003.

[dflprincess]

21. I'm sorry for your loss Slor

If it's any comfort to you, a year or so ago one of the local TV stations in Minneapolis did a story on a dedicated group of aging veterans who serve on the honor guards at Ft. Snelling and see to it that every vet gets buried with diginity.

[legally blonde]

22. my deepest condolences

:hug:

[roguevalley]

23. I'm sorry, honey, for this. The good memories you keep close.

The good things you have are golden. Hugs to you and your family.

[Groggy]

24. I'm so sorry Slor.....

:hug:

[nini]

25. Sorry for your loss

I too had an alcoholic father and know the pain of that. I cannot imagine your wide range of emotions you must be going through now.

:hug: I wish you peace as you resolve this within yourself.

[slor]

26. Thanks to everyone...

for your kind words. My wife and I cried after reading the posts and seeing such an outpouring to a stranger. Please know that your messages were very reassuring and helpful, and words cannot express how grateful I am.