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...and the mouth of a two dollar whore.
My dear, sainted mother wanted to send Will and I some of my father's old Army stuff (Will, my partner of 10 years, served in the Gulf). These things have a lot of intrinsic value, so she sent them via UPS to my office, rather than mail them to my home. Well, unfortunately, Mom gave the people at Mail Boxes Etc. the wrong zip code, because UPS had to do an address correction. So my mother calls me at my office this afternoon in an absolute panic because the Mail Boxes Etc. lady told her that her irreplacable package was being delivered to a different address. I asked my mother to give me the tracking number, but she was so upset she'd cried and some of the numbers had gotten smeared. She said she'd gotten "irritated" at the Mail Boxes Etc. lady and the lady had hung up on her. So you can imagine what I did: I insisted she give me the number of the store and I called them myself.
When I called MBE, I asked to speak to the woman who'd just spoken to my mother (we have a very uncommon last name, and my mother's first name is even less common). I explained who I was and that I was trying to track down the package. I got the tracking number and discovered that UPS had corrected the zip and would deliver the package tomorrow. Okay. So then I asked the lady if she'd spoken to my mother. The lady said yes. I asked her if she really thought upsetting sweet little old ladies during the holidays was any way to garner more business. Turns out, my mother had gotten verbally abusive to HER. The MBE lady described my mom as having "a mouth Chris Rock would be ashamed of," and said "She told me to do some anatomically impossible acts and that's when I hung up,"
:wow:
So, I called my mother. I said, "Ma, what did you say to the UPS lady?"
"Oh, I insisted the give me the tracking number,"
"After that, Ma. What else did you say?"
"Well, I told her we were sure we had the right address..."
"No, Ma. AFTER the address conversation. What did you say before she hung up on you?"
"Oh. That. Well, I told her to go fuck herself straight up the ass with a UPS truck. Then I told her I hoped she had her kids have a shitty Xmas and that her husband gets his dick stuck down her chimney,"
You know, I've always said my mother swore like a sailor when we were growing up, but I thought that was just at home. As my father always says, "Your mother has the face of an angel, the heart of a saint, and the mouth of a two dollar whore,"
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