Trying to find the end: A Divorce Thread

[Taverner]

Just a minute ago Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey just came on the radio, and I almost broke down crying. Not that its a particularly sad song, but it was the song that was playing at the cafe when I met my wife, that day so long ago back in 1993. We were both bright, optimistic, passionate Peace Corps volunteers meeting at a bar where Americans upcountry frequented.

I remember the moment distinctly - a Van Morrison greatest hits album was playing and I was introduced to her. I knew right away there was a connection and things went well from that point.

Ten plus years later, we've got a kid, we're considering divorce, and neither of us is really interested in the other. Unlike when you fall in love, you never really know when it's 'over.' You just suspect and take a good stab at it.

We'll be off for Jamaica in three days to make one last ditch effort at our marriage, but the two of us have grown apart so much since we returned to the US that who knows if it's even possible for these now complete strangers to reconcile anymore?

Thinking of a pending divorce is like a death on the horizon. I know it will be painful, and much more painful than I can imagine. No one's divorce is ever easy.

And if the relationship is already dead, the divorce will not be like a wake, where the good times are recounted and pleasant memories remembered, but more like an autopsy, only there will be no cause of death, only a freezing cold slab with the cadaver of a failed relationship open for public view.

[JimmyJazz]

1. I'm sorry. I understand how you feel.

:hug: I wish you all the best.

Donna

[whalerider55]

2. good luck

van morrison is as close as music come to directly connecting with the muse. your meeting, in that regard, was blessed.

when my daughter was newborn, she had a pretty uncommon form of colic, and i'd walk her to the sound of Vna's Listen to the Lion...

it always worked.

keep the man's music on the box before you go. you never know.
i don't wish you pain, i only hope it works out in a way that is best for you and your family.

whalerider55

[SarahB]

3. Answered you elsewhere.

Too much for a big site like this.
Big hugs!
:hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug:

[faithnotgreed]

4. may i say

that you sound like a kind and caring man. i know absolutely nothing of your situation but i am very sorry that all of you are going through such a difficult time

i couldnt help but notice that youve said you dont know that its over and that you dont know if its possible to reconcile. no one except for the both of you can determine what is still there but it is a positive that at least youre both still trying

since youre taking this trip together, then there still is a hope that you can really talk it out. all i should say is that with this time together maybe you can find some bit of each other that can help both of you get to the place you need to. whatever that should mean, i hope theres a place of healing or at least understanding for you both.

no matter what, i certainly hope that you both find and communicate whatever it is that you really need. sometimes that is each other, but its been buried underneath so much that its really hard to find.

im sorry if i have been too personal in this


my very best wishes to all of you on your journey....

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. *hugs*

-------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/

[Pale Blue Dot]

6. I know what this is like.

It's almost sadder, in a way, to have it just fizzle out then to have it end with a bang. You wonder: what was it? and why isn't it there anymore?

The good news is that if it does end, having it end this way makes it more likely that you can avoid the fighting and bitterness that would make it harder on your child. That was my experience, anyway.

Good luck. I hope you find what you need, whatever that really is.

[Taverner]

7. Thing is we don't fight anymore...

Its as if we don't care to the point that fighting just isn't worth it...

Sad indeed...

[mmonk]

8. Went to the brink of divorce

myself, but we didn't go through with it. Whatever happens to work for the two of you, you have my best wishes.