The Mother Of All..... Seinfeld Quote Threads!

[Cadence]

"These pretzels are makin me thirsty!"

[jpgray]

1. Serenity now! (nt)

[Spiffarino]

3. Mulva?

Dolores! Wait!!

[BigMcLargehuge]

2. KAVORKA!!!!

[thoughtanarchist]

4. I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st...

I must be at the nexus of the universe!

[mark414]

5. Get OUT!

[rockymountaindem]

6. "Suzie didn't commit suicide, she was murdered....

by Jerry Seinfeld!"

[thoughtanarchist]

7. ...and I broke his thumbs too...

[rockymountaindem]

12. Oh, and lest we forget...

"Kenny Rogers has bad chicken! Bad chicken!!! Mess you up!!!"

[njdemocrat106]

135. Please Jerry, don't put the sign back up!

I love that chicken, Kenny never hurt anybody!

[njdemocrat106]

144. It's Suzy! Not Sooz! My name is Suzy!

:)

[BigMcLargehuge]

8. Pudding top singles!

[Cadence]

9. No soup for you! Come back, One year!

[Bleacher Creature]

10. "No, I mentioned the bisque."

[Kire]

11. this one might always be my favorite:

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

[vpigrad]

25. I hated that line because...

> Not that there's anything wrong with that!

The repuke guy at work that I used to watch the show with on Thursday nights while at work used to add in reply to that statement, "but there is!" He was disgusting.

[thoughtanarchist]

13. Vandelay Industries

We import Latex...

[Zomby Woof]

14. I am the Master of My Domain!

[MisterP]

108. lord of the manor?

[Cadence]

15. George likes his chicken spicy.

[thoughtanarchist]

16. Oh, I'm WAY beyond stressed!

[mark414]

17. I was in the pool!

[Cadence]

40. I don't see how you guys walk around with those things.

[Zomby Woof]

18. Have a Tic-Tac!

[Skittles]

72. OMG

that hospital scene . . . George's face. LOL! And that actress who plays is mom is absolutely PRICELESS.

[rockymountaindem]

19. "Oh yeah, well the jerk store called... they're running out of you."

This is the best thread ever.

[thoughtanarchist]

20. OK! I can't take it anymore! What did you put in my toilet?!?

ahhh... Toilet Brush...

[BigMcLargehuge]

21. I'll bring the sandwiches!

[ironflange]

22. "I'm out!"

<smack>

[Cadence]

38. But are you still master of your domain?

[thoughtanarchist]

23. Stop! Thief!

He took my marble rye!

[Cadence]

24. You're killing independent George!

[mark414]

26. Are you talking to me? Or are you talking to him?

You was obviously talkin to one of us, so who was it?

[mark414]

27. can't believe no one said this one yet!

Hello Jerry...


Hellooo...Neumann

[thoughtanarchist]

28. "Outlandish, Unconscionable, Outrageous!" - - Jackie Childs

Who told you to put a balm on?

[Cadence]

30. But I don't wanna be a pirate!

[donheld]

29. Not that there's anything wrong with it

:shrug:

[Cadence]

31. This is beyond B.O.....this is is B.B.O.!

[Patsy Stone]

57. Okay, Juice Me! n/t LOL

[thoughtanarchist]

32. Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

[BigMcLargehuge]

39. I have another session with Iggy Mendelbaum tomorrow...

... I don't know, maybe he's going to make me box a kangaroo.

[no name no slogan]

130. You think you're better than me? (n/t)

[PittPoliSci]

33. Festivus Yes! Bagels No!

[UpsideDownFlag]

34. "Yada Cubed" nt

[thoughtanarchist]

35. oh. so you want this, that AND the other?

[darkism]

36. "You emit a foul and unpleasant odor"

[Cadence]

37. I don't have a square to spare.

[Bryan]

41. "I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth."

"Snapple?"
"No thanks."

"Who's Sergio Mendes?"
"Are you kidding me? He can't go to the bathroom in Paraguay."

"I can't carry a pen! I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum!"

"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp!"

"Let's go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up."

"You're crazy!"
"Am I? Or am I so sane that you just BLEW YOUR MIND!?"

"YOU KNOW, WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A SOCIETY HERE!"

"She said I was a hipster doofus."

"I don't trust this guy. I think he re-gifted, and then he de-gifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp."

"Jon Voight bit you!?"
"No, no, it's legitimate. He thought I was goin' for his wallet."

"You can't stare directly at cleavage! It's like the sun; you get a sense of it and then you look away!"

"JeEEEEErry, ya gotta see the baAAAAby..."

"That was one magic loogie."

"I'm lactose-intolerant. I have no patience for lactose, and I won't stand for it."

"You, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum."

"Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!"

"I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before. And I will kibosh again."

"George likes his chicken spicy."

"Mr. Pitt eats his Snickers bars with a knife and fork."

"This food was in the bathroom with you?"
"Mmm-hmm, I prepared it as I bathed!"

"Velvet scrunchy!"

"So she's naked all the time?"
"Uh huh. It's a scene, man."

"Wait a minute. You mean to say that you drugged a woman so you could take advantage of her toys?"

"Lover boy! You are a lover boy!"

"I've been drinking lattes since I was in junior high."

"I thought Rachel's father was still mad at you for making out with her during Schindler's List."
"Naah, we made up. I brought him some kishka."
"Kishka?"
"Yes. It's a food carried by Israeli soldiers. If they're ever captured, they eat it, and it kills them."

"You dated Mahatma Gandhi?"
"Yes. He used to cover his bald head in oil and rub it all over my body..."

"'Master of the house, turning on the charm/Ready with a handshake and an open arm...'"

"I fell for one of the oldest baker's grifts in the book: the Entenmann's Shim-Sham."

"Thanks for taking me out to dinner, George. I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time."

"Serenity now, George; insanity later."

[thoughtanarchist]

42. "How'd your date go?"

"he took it out."
"it?"
"uh huh."
"you're sure?"
"oh yeah."

[Mad_Dem_X]

63. My hubby and I quote that one all the time

"It?"
"It."
"Out?"
"Out."
"That can't be!"
"Oh, it be!"

[Skittles]

73. Got any other friends you wanna set me up with?

BWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Cadence]

110. LOL. I love that. That's hilarious.

:D

[Cadence]

43. You double dipped the chip!

[Dukkha]

44. It's like discovering plutonium by accident!

Bosco!

Feels like an Arby's night

meh, anti-fur. who has the energy?

You had to have the BIIIIIIIIIIG Salad!

[IHeart1993]

128. A George divided against itself cannot stand! n/t

[Sporadicus]

45. If only you could put your mind to something worthwhile.'

'you're like Lex Luthor!' -Jerry to Kramer, who is plotting to put concrete in a washing machine.

[Midlodemocrat]

46. Festivus! A holiday for the rest of us! n/t

[Dzimbowicz]

47. That's not BO!

That's BBO, beyond body odor! It's taken on a life form of its own!


And... "they're real, and they're spectacular."

[DelawareValleyDem]

48. You're not out there

because I'm out there, and if I see you out there, there isn't enough voltage in the world to electroshock me back into coherence.

[moggie]

49. The sea was angry that day, my friend

Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

Why did you tell her I was a marine biologist? You know I always wanted to pretend to be an architect!

[Patsy Stone]

53. Maybe the funniest episode ever... n/t

[Patsy Stone]

54. dbl sorry n/t

[indigobusiness]

126. Absolutely...Gets my vote.

Talk about a woven plot!

The best.

[Mad_Dem_X]

64. "I'm out there, Jerry

I'm out there and I'm LOVIN' it!"

[Patsy Stone]

70. Is it a Titleist? n/t

[SemiCharmedQuark]

50. "She had man-hands!"

Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint It's DELICIOUS!"

Oh, those are nice. Ya know, I never noticed this before. They're smooth, creamy, delicate, yet masculine


"Food and sex. Those are my two passions. It's only natural to combine them."
"Natural? Sex is about love between a man and a woman. Not a man and a sandwich."


"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
"Would she have hooks?"
"Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?"
"Kinda cool looking."

[Dukkha]

51. I choose not to run!

[Catchawave]

52. "Moops!"

[Patsy Stone]

55. LOL!

The MOOPS?!?!?

[Patsy Stone]

56. Poppy PEEEED!!!

George: "Remember Jerry...It's not a lie if *you* believe it."
Geroge: "Were it socially acceptable, I would be ensconced in velvet."
Elaine: "You see this? Your little hair hat? I hate this!"
Elaine: "Butt...Butt...John-John Butt!"
Kramer: "It's like a sauna in here!"
Jerry: "And you want to be my latex salesman!"

Waiter: "I call out Cartwright...Cartwright???
Jerry: "Who's Cartwright?"
George: "I'm Cartwright."
Jerry: "You're not Cartwright!"
George: "Of, COURSE I'm not Cartwright!"

Jerry: "So, you can take the reservation, but you can't KEEP the reservation. Which is, of course, the POINT of the reservation!"

And: "STELLLAAAAA!"

[Her Blondness]

58. He took. It. OUT.

[regularguy]

59. IT moved!

[regularguy]

60. Sponge-worthy.

[JimmyJazz]

61. They're real and they're spectacular!

on edit:

Can you spare a square?

[radwriter0555]

62. Can you SPARE a SQUARE??????

Holy mother of seinfeld.

[andino]

65. DEL BOCA VISTA BABY!!!!!!

[Patsy Stone]

119. Are you telling me

There isn't one place left in all of Del Boca Vista???

[City Lights]

66. It shrinks? eom

[CO Liberal]

67. "You're Schmoopie" "No, YOU'RE Schmoopie!!"

The Princess and I use that one all the time, often here in the Lounge.

:-)

[Patsy Stone]

71. Hubby and I

call each other Schmoopie. :)

[Mad_Dem_X]

68. Not a quote, but

One of the funniest scenes ever, IMO, is where Kramer and Newman are in Jerry's apartment, making sausage. There are sausage links hanging all over the kitchen, and the two guys are dancing around to this accordian music. Hysterical! :bounce:

[njdemocrat106]

134. Sausage scene

Jerry: What the hell is going on here?
Kramer: We're making sausages!
Jerry: I thought you said you were going to watch a video!
Kramer: Yeah, a video on how to make your own sausages!

Later on, when Izzy Mandelbaum arrives with a wooden board for Jerry:
Izzy: Tonight I want you to sleep on this. Strengthens the vertebrae... what in holy hell? Sausages! Is this your diet?
Jerry: No Mr. Mandelbaum, let me explain!
Izzy: Don't lie to me. We're takin' it up a notch.

[rockymountaindem]

69. "Yama hama, it's fright night!"

"Hey, I've been in a schvitz for 6 hours."

[Arkana]

74. "A George divided against itself CANNOT STAND!"

[meisje]

75. Giddy Up

[meisje]

76. Wood Jerry... Wood

[meisje]

78. Look away, I'm hidious

[meisje]

79. Huh ho, George is gett'n angry

[meisje]

80. Oh yeah, Well I had sex with your wife

[meisje]

81. Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the ying yang!

[meisje]

84. Who Who doesn't vear da ribbon

[meisje]

85. He's a mimbo, He's a male bimbo

[meisje]

86. ...you were treating your body like it was an amusement park

[meisje]

90. Seinfeld's Van! Seinfeld's Van!

[meisje]

92. So, as I see it, he's not the doofus. You are the doofus

[meisje]

93. Who told you to put the cheese on? I didn't tell you to put the cheese on

[meisje]

94. You want to get crazy... Let's get nuts!

[meisje]

95. Believe it or not George isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep

where could he be, believe it or not, I'm not home.

[meisje]

96. Nice place you got here, Kramer. A guy could really get some thinking done

[meisje]

98. It's the urban sombrero

[meisje]

99. You're an errand girl send by grocers to collect a bill

[meisje]

102. You've got a little problem...Oh, I've got a big problem, Jerry

[meisje]

103. The sea was Angry that day my friends

[meisje]

104. Looks like we got ourselves a good old fashioned cat fight

[meisje]

105. You think you're better than me, I'll lift that T.V. right up over my head

[meisje]

106. Mandlebaum, Mandlebaum, Mandlebaum

[Patsy Stone]

158. I actually

put this on my answering machine. So damn funny.

[donheld]

160. Yes one of the funniest lines in the show

No!!! ... I go out for a quart of milk, and come
home to find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

[njdemocrat106]

138. Regarding Tony the Mimbo:

Kramer:You're really in love with this guy, aren't you George?
George:No I'm not. You're crazy.
Kramer:No no no. You LOOOOVE him!
George:You're not getting sandwiches up there!
Jerry:You're making SANDWICHES?

[Beware the Beast Man]

77. "VANDELAY INDUSTRIES!!!!! VANDELAY INDUSTRIES!!!"

With George's pants around his ankles. :D

[redqueen]

82. It was on TOP of the trash!

[regularguy]

83. We LIVE in a SOCIETY!!!!!!

[Boswells_Johnson]

87. I was percolating, Jerry!

[toddzilla]

88. "these pretzels are making me thirsty!"

[redqueen]

89. Sweet fancy Moses!

[slestak]

91. "Well Poppy's a little sloppy" n/t

[BurtWorm]

97. "Want some kasha?"

[njdemocrat106]

139. He makes this stuff called Kasha. It stinks up the whole place.

:)

[flamingyouth]

100. "You're an anti-dentite!"

[njdemocrat106]

140. You're a raaaaaabid anti-dentite!

Kramer: First it starts off with a few slurs. "Hey, Denty!" Next thing you know you'll be saying they have their own schools!
Jerry: They do have their own schools!
Kramer: See? There you go already!

[Aiptasia]

101. Cartwright?

I'm Cartwright!

[electricmonk]

107. "What's so great..."

"What's so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn't shop there." -George-

[MisterP]

109. HellllllLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Believe it or not,
George isn't at home
please leave a message
at the beep.
I must be out
or I'd pick up the phone,
where could I be?
Believe it or not,
I'm not hoooome!

And the SECOND time they played it!

[Bleacher Creature]

111. "Art Vandelay? This is my boyfriend?"

"That's your boyfriend."

"What does he do?"

"He's an importer."

"Just imports? No exports?"

"He's an importer-exporter. Okay?"

[VTdem]

112. "Her mother is a mudder."

"Her mother is a mudder?"

"What'd I say?"

[KurtNYC]

113. Serenity Now!

[Cadence]

114. So you feel in this day and age

'women and children first' is an antiquated notion. -Jerry

[212demop]

115. Poppy peed on my sofa!

But Babu Bat and his restaurant is my favorite:

Jerry: "I am a good person."

[212demop]

116. not that there's anything wrong with it. n/t

[L.A.dweller]

117. You think the homeless like eating the stumps!?!

[Cadence]

118. A coffee table book about coffee tables.

[Mass_Liberal]

120. definetly

Kramer's "I WOKE UP IN THE EAST RIVER....IN A SACK!"

[name not needed]

121. "Who told you to put the balm on?"

"I didn't tell you to put the balm on."

[Radical Activist]

122. Oh yes, they're real...

and they are SPECTACULAR

[AngryAmish]

123. "It's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine"

[HCeline69]

124. "You're Batman!"

George: "We'll tell him we're afraid."
Jerry: "We can't do that. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!"

Kramer: "By the way, those condoms I gave you..? Don't use them, they're defective."

[Cadence]

125. My name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

I'm Victoria, hi

[Zenlitened]

127. Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round. The glass is round.

They should call it Roundtine.

:D

[FredScuttle]

129. Damn mohel, he circumsized my finger!

Oh no....blood!

[420inTN]

131. It wasn't a pick, it was a scratch! There was no pick!

[Patsy Stone]

159. and even if it was...

If I pick, should I not be loved????

[Cadence]

132. You're giving me the 'It's not you....

it's me' routine? I invented 'It's not you . . . it's me'. Nobody tells me it's them not me. If it's anybody, it's me!"

[slutticus]

133. "It's the wood that makes it good"

[baldguy]

136. It was a perfect eclaire, sitting right on top

[njdemocrat106]

137. Elaine: Ooh, I got Denim Vest checking me out!

My fake phone number is coming out!
Jerry: You have a standard fake?

Later on,
Elaine:Nice vest. I like the large metal buttons.

(I think this was from the Festivus episode, too.)

[njdemocrat106]

141. I'm so keeno, on Beefareeno!

What a delicious cuisine-o, fit for a king and queen-o!

[njdemocrat106]

142. Hot tub episode

George: YOU TELL THAT SON OF A BITCH THAT NO YANKEE IS EVER COMING TO HOUSTON AS LONG AS YOU BASTARDS ARE RUNNING THINGS!
Wilhelm: George, get a hold of yourself!

Kramer: Jerry, you look so tense. You need a soak.
Jerry: I'm not sitting in that bacteria trap you have running in there.
Kramer: I've got the hot tub running, the windows open, the cold air blowing in. It's like Sweden in there, Jerry. Sweeeeee-den!

[koneko]

143. Ahhhhhhhaaaaa, this is a GREAT thread

Maybe the DINGO ate your baby!

[Bleacher Creature]

145. "Vegetable Lasagna."

[Minimus]

146. "It's like a sauna in here"

[meisje]

147. Sex to S A V E the friendship

[meisje]

149. Give me a schtickle of flouride

[meisje]

150. I find pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats

[meisje]

152. That van's a-rockin - Don't go a-knockin

[meisje]

153. Oh yeah? I'll tell you what's stupid. You. Stupid.

[meisje]

154. The pig says, my wife is a slut - Now that's funny!

[ok_cpu]

148. "You-you're a john"

On edit, I'll add "Chewing gum and diddling the maid."

[ok_cpu]

151. If I'm out on the street and it starts to go down,

I don't back off until it's finished.

[gmoney]

155. Down, and to the left... Down, and to the left...

Worlds collide, Jerry.

[Cadence]

156. Yankee beans, Yankee beans. I like my Yankee beeeeans.

You sold us a hair with a cake around it. -Elaine

[bettyellen]

157. schnaaaaaaaaps me!