How does a liberal reconcile with repug family??? a lil help please

[frictionlessO]

I was very close with my family before the elections. Despite a world of differences. Now I cant imagine any conversation with them that doesnt break down into some sort of disownment of me or them. I feel like a dick because I know they havent even thought like this. Its me thinking like this, its me who cant get past what they did by voteing in line with the KKK, Aryan Nation and Army of God....

you all know the list of what is wrong with bushco, no need to list it.

How do I get past it, long enough for a civilized phone call????

[mopinko]

1. when you find out, tell me.

i have a lot of other issues with my family right now. but that is just the icing on the "i do not need any more of this" cake.

[Bertha Venation]

2. Ignore the elephant in the room. (No pun on their symbol intended.)

I have to do this with my dad. He's politically liberal, but socially -- I'll just say he hates having a lesbian for a daughter. The only way we can converse is if we ignore it. I don't know how HE does it, because I refuse to cut Kathy, my partner, out of our conversations. But we can talk civilly if we don't talk about "it."

Best of luck.

[Andy_Stephenson]

3. Good Advice...

very good.

[StClone]

6. Works for me on some level

My family was as close as could be. We did every Holiday as a organized ritual of kinship and joy. In 2000 several vocal males put their support behind the Chimp creating a rub that never healed. I often now avoid family functions. Wen I do I keep conversation mutually acceptable and ignore the Elephant too.

[efhmc]

4. I wouldn't want to because I think supporting

bush indicates bad charaacter flaws. But there are other things to talk about. Promise not to talk politics "since you know how I feel" and then go from there.

[Carson]

5. If you love your family, do whatever possible to avoid political topics.

And if it does come up in conversation, don't respond by screaming or name-calling.

Some families are able to politely agree to disagree, but if this doesn't describe your family, avoidance of politics seems to be the best answer.

For me, my love for my family trumps the political beliefs.

[Soopercali]

7. My brother is hosting Christmas dinner.

And I haven't said more than hello to him since Bushco. My mother keeps saying, "But he's your brother!" I say, "Mom, I don't think of him as my brother - I think of him as an enemy of democracy."

[Champ]

8. I don't

I've had fundie relatives react that way because I wasn't 100% in line with their beliefs, actually not even 50%. I wish I could help you but I respect my family members as family of course, but If they want to keep themself I let them and I keep to myself. My grandpa and my mom's brother is who I'm typing about. My mom however is a liberal and have a pretty good relationship with her, my dad I don't speak to him much(last time was about 7 months ago) but that is for reasons far severe then staunch conservative beliefs.

[Mend]

9. Keep It Honest But Superficial

Set boundaries with them about what you will talk about. Save your deepest thoughts and feelings for your real friends, and for us here at DU. Don't let them suck you into political debates. There is a lot of light conversation to talk about. Sad, but it will work to keep the ties going without driving you nuts. It must have been like this during the Civil War.

[frictionlessO]

10. thank you, this is the only option I can see working, "what "elephant"?

Which is just so sad even last December when my wife and I went down to do Christmas, I was able to have awesome debates with my father. Hes an old fighter jock who has a very unique command now, the rest of my family is military or military support as well. My father and I have always debated passionately but with care... Since they all became born again a few years back, it gets harder and harder.

Like I said we used to be able to do debates and be alright... Now I just know if I talk to them, about anything slightly political, it would critically wound our relationships because I just cant keep from feeling that they have betrayed a lot of the things that they taught me.

I guess boring, superficial zombie talk is the order of business for us over the next years....

just so extremely bummed.....

[Lady Effingbroke]

11. yes, boring superficial zombie talk.

It's been that way in my family forever.

[LordLQQK]

12. I'll give you one word...

Menendez

[frictionlessO]

14. dude! I still love them, I might be ill over their politics, but yeesh! nt

[Arkana]

18. Um, I don't think the OP was looking for a prison sentence

[Spangle]

13. Been There.

First off, you can't seprate your self from republicans. That is a form of segration. As we know, segration doesn't work. <grin> Second, republicans are everywhere. Third, if we all seprated ourselfs from Republicans, they would only hear republican voices and have no clue that there is anyone "out there" that disagrees with them or even WHY.

This isn't just a family issue. It's also a work and play issue. Are you going to run from every republican you know?

I delt with this during the Clinton Years and then during the 2000 election. So I"m speaking on the flip side, the after dealing with it. Your more politicaly aware now, you know politics touches EVERYTHING and it's hard to see how others can't see it.

Speaking of my self first then I will give some ideas that MIGHT work for you. My family is a mix of several partys. When I say family, I'm talking everyone. And they would bring up politics every now and then. But one of my Uncles turned totaly "RUSH". He was so stupid and crazy with it, even the republican family members avoid politics around him. We ALL walked on egg shells around him. He tried to aghm.. discuss (ARGUE) the issues with me and I totaly refused. I told him factulay that he doesn't dicuss the issues, he demands everyone to agree with him. That isn't a discussion. Also, that talking to me (who isn't a yes person) would cause him to have a heart attack. And I refused to be the reason to cause him to have a heart attack. When he denied such a think could happen. I told him his face turns red and the veins on his neck pops out.. Hmmm... Looks like a heart attack just waiting to happen.. and I refused to have the family mad at ME over this issue.

I learned then and there that I didn't have to aruge over the issues. He had a freeper like mind set and was just dying to have it out with a democrat. Such a mind set leaves NO ROOM FOR ACTUAL MENTAL DISCUSSION. So it's pointless. And it really didn't matter what he thought. REally, It doesn't.

I don't care what Republicans think. I consider it their personal problem. I'm now a political activist and have joined the local DEC. So I tell republicans right off.. "When it comes to politics, I ONLY care about what Democrats think. Cause I represent them localy." It kinda suprises them.

For years I had a van which has had political stickers on it. During the "off season", only just a couple. During campaigns, there would be more. All tastefuly done, of course. This was an embarrasment for my Hubby to take to work, when he needed the van. WE made an agreement, no stickers on our second car. Hubby didn't talk politics at work. THEN.. tee hee...

At hubbys job, I become known as THE DEMOCRAT. Republicans loved me. Or I should say, loved to harrass me. With a Job at stake, I couldn't very well blast them. Instead, I showed them I could take anything they threw at me. All in FUN. Rarely would I let them corner me and actualy discuss politics. But I would let them rib me about it. And when they were use to doing it, then I would RIB them back. Sometimes I would let it sting. With a smile of course.

AGain, if they tried to discuss (argue), I would tell them upfront that I don't argue politics with republicans. Such persons are just looking for someone to beat over the head with information that they THINK is correct.. But rarely isn't. Nore would they believe me if I gave them factual information.

What all this means is that I'm "stealth". I"m someone who they can talk with. Who they know "knows" about poltics. But I'm not over the top about it. When I do let information "slip", they tend to listen more. There are not brick walls to get over. I don't allow them to be built.

Here is the thing you all ready know. Many republicans don't know or understand republican policy or agenda. They have no clue the many hundereds of ways the republican party is against them. They are republicans because of several factors. It's a fad, it's moral, etc. All those things are not policy driven. It's emotional and the are fed their "talking points" from several directions all pointed to these "emotional" issues, not policy issues.

So when policy issues come up that bites them in the butt... I'm there to hear them complain. Then I nicely point out that the policy is part of the republican agenda that they 100% agree with. I don't argue it, I leave them with it. And YES, I've had republicans ASK ME to do a letter writting campaign dealing with such an issue. I pointed out it was an republican issue and republicans were in power and NOTHING would be done because a democrat wrote a letter to them. Then I told him our hands were tied until there were more democrats elected that could help. The guy looked like he wanted to cry. But when he thought about it, he knew I was right.

The only way they are going to change, is if it's pointed out exactly what the republican agenda is and how it effects them personaly. When they run face to face with it, no one is reminding them that THEY support it.

My ideas on how you can handle this...
This problem isn't ever going to go away. So there is no running from it. And this is your life you have to live, no one elses. It's up to you to decided how you want to do it, how you want to be seen, how you want to be remembered.

1) Don't be like my Uncle. So "rush" that even those that are from the same party are afraid to bring up politics. Don't become the face of poltics. Your more then just politics, even if you do realize how much politics touches everything. You don't always have to tell all you know.

2) Don't argue every point. Ego's get in the way and it does nothing but build up brick walls. No one will want to talk to you or discuss issues with you if you feel you must win every point. Accept that all you can do is give information and then ALLOW them time to think about it away from you. Don't EVER expect them to come back later and admit you were right. And don't think you can take personal credti for any changes that may happen. People hear the same thing over and over again, from different people.. before they are willing to START thinking there may be something to the information. IF they remember you talked about it before, then they will feel "safe" enough about talking to you about it again.. maybe listening MORE this time.

3) Accept that they may be just as worried about being around YOU. THey have no clue how your going to handle it. They may be worried your going to bring it up all the time. Or be pissed at them and take everything out on them. As such, they will be ready to battle. To defend what they think is right. Now isn't the time to prove them different. Now is the time to figure out how to get alone despite having different political leanings.

4) Laughter is the best meds! Truely it is. Be willing to laugh at the funny stuff. Even if it's about your "guy/gal" or party. Cause only then can you bring up and laugh at their "guy/gal" and party.

5) If you give out/drop factual information.. don't argue over it afterwards. If it's something everyone is open to and willing to discuss.. no problem. If it isn't, then leave it alone. It's nothing that can be prove in a casual conversation. And over time, when the truth is reveled, they will remeber you KNEW back THEN.

6) Remember that they have been getting their info from poeple who think just like them. Nothing but pats on the back sort of knowledge. YOUR information is a total shock. One can only handle a few of those. Don't over load... EVER.

7) Don't allow a few to spoil it for everyone. If it's just a couple of family members who can't handle it... Then just don't vist them one on one. Use family members like your mother to help when they approach in the family get together envriment and help change the subject or send you on a chore. <grin>

It's your life. YOU decide what to do. But republicans are everywhere. And they got the same problem as we got. They got to learn to get alone with us as family get to gethers as well.

[frictionlessO]

15. WOW!!!! Longest reply Ive ever seen in the lounge & I read it all!

Thats was essentially an excellent primer on how to get along with your percieved foes. Excellent thank you and I will implement you suggestions.

Very very insightful and thank you for having the empathy to take the time to write such a well concieved post.
:yourock:

[frictionlessO]

16. thanks everyone who responded, this is why I come here...your help...

and humor and freakyness and stuff... all that beautiful stuff that makes a liberal/democrat.

[dubyaD40web]

17. I haven't made up with my family yet.

They may be lost forever.

I did buy them all Confederate Flags for X-Mas though.

[amazona]

19. it's too soon

You need to give it time. If they care about what you think or feel, they can call you. Sometimes we think we are "close" with family members, only to learn that we are the last thing on their minds. A few months or even years of distance gives them better perspective.

SO I vote let them call you and if you don't, you'll know where they really stand.

[redqueen]

20. Just pretend they're crazy

(which they really are, if just a little bit)

If they're nuts, there's no use arguing.

[Maat]

21. Ha! I'm going to miss going to a professional football game..

this Sunday (we are season ticketholders - Chargers) to meet my in-laws in Laughlin. They are Rethuglican Southern Baptists from Oklahoma (weren't for the first 15 years or so that I knew them, but they are now).

This is my 8-year-old's once-a-year visit wit them, and I am going to smile throughout the visit, no matter what.

They chose to follow the sister-in-law back there ('cause her kids are more important than mine - sorry, EOR).

Thanks for the suggestions. I read them all, and they helped me. I've decided to avoid politics and be the most superficial conversationalist around...for my daughter's sake...and..I am going to have to excuse myself to the ladies' room quite a bit.

[the Princess]

22. Patronize them?

That's what I do.

If you figure out a better way - let me know. :)

[guitar man]

23. Focus on what you have in common

..rather than your differences.

There is still a big sore spot between some of my in-laws and me, but I have a very good friend who is a repug and we never even got to a sore stage.

The reason: We are both musicians and have something in common that transcends the political realm. We are in the middle of an album project I am recording for his band, started it in October, so we couldn't afford a breakdown in relations that would affect not only us but the rest of the group. Now that it is over, we are really able to move on and keep making some great music together.

As far as my wife's family goes, they can all take a flying fuck at the moon, fundie assholes. My wife feels the same way as I do about it. Until realize they don't own the goddamn world, they can stay off my property or risk getting their asses shot full of rock salt. I have not been able to find a single thing in common with any of them.

<edit typo>