My god, "Van Helsing" sucks!

[tjdee]

The first ten minutes were the WORST acting and musical cues I've seen in a long time. Was thinking it was because it was trying to copy the camp of the old b&w monster films, but oh it was bad. I'm almost halfway through (I think), and it's gotten only slightly better (as Hugh Jackman is a competent actor, there's some mystery surrounding his character...).

Should I finish watching it (probably will, I always watch films all the way through)? I did start watching it this morning with a splitting headache and bad cramps that haven't gone away yet...so would it be better if I saw it in the theater? Or something?

[kimchi]

1. You are right; it sucks.

But it does get better. I actually watched most of it.

[bobbobbins]

2. i thought the effects were god awful

and the acting was bad...the endings fairly lame too

[The Zanti Regent]

24. It is RAZZIE™ Material!

http://www.razzies.com/

[neoteric lefty]

3. it definately isn't a great movie

but if you go in expecting anything more than some mindless action and some decent CG, then you are gonna be very dissapointed. I can't say if finishing it will turn your opinion around.

[tjdee]

4. I was all set for mindless action.

I'm not a movie snob, really I'm not! Sometimes an ending will redeem an entire picture for me--if I can see where it was going, sometimes I feel better about it.

I am an acting snob though--I used to act, I know a number of actors trying to get work in Hollywood, and I swear that any one of them would be Oscar winners compared to the women playing the mistresses...and the grave digger...and the...

but, on the bright side! It definitely improved once Hugh came on the scene.

[Bombtrack]

7. I wouldn't call that CGI "decent"

it was relatively crappy for the most part and demonsterably overused

[Swede]

5. This is the low point of CPG.

Someday we'll look back laugh.

[Bombtrack]

6. I got a bootleg for free and I stopped watching it after about 15 minutes

I fast forwarded to the Josie Maran scenes to see how she looked cause I'm a big fan of hers (in the sense of I love looking at her) but nothing could save that bore-fest.

[Mist]

8. As far as I'm concerned

It's all about HJ with long hair in a leather coat, and some CGI. And HJ in a leather coat. With long hair.

[Maddy McCall]

9. Finish watching it.

Actually, I kinda liked it. But I think Hugh Jackman is god, so anything he is in is fine with me, as long as I get to feast my eyes on his lovely body. ;-)

[ragin_acadian]

10. yea, i think the script was written

on a cocktail napkin at mcguires after a couple of irish carbombs.
i sure couldn't figure out where the flying electrically incubated vampiric pod gremlins came from. or why dracula had a giant werewolf curing syringe in a swarovski globe in a tower in his castle. why did frankenstein have one of those little blinky "your order is ready" things that they give you at zaxby's when they want you to pick up your food in the top of his head? where was the clip that made the arrow fed gatling gun not have to be reloaded? what does running a bolt of lightning through a collection of random body parts do differently than just a regular old bolt of lightning. what the hell was van helsing supposed to be anyway? has anyone writing dracula movies ever read the damn book? or do they just base it on the last bad one?
questions and answers, answers and questions.

but yes, van helsing made extraordinary gentlemen almost look planned out in comparison.

but if you want to see something really bad, rent dracula 3000.

[Elidor]

11. Lol! Great post, man. n/t

[ragin_acadian]

12. thanks,

do check out dracula 3000. it stars casper van diem, tiny lister, and an older, heavier, but still yummy erica eleniak.

the movie itself is intellectual torture, but erica is....worth the 2.50 rental fee and mind numbing stupidity.


BTW, i love your username. hardhead. heh.

[eyepaddle]

20. Whoa hold on a second--

I'll admit Van Helsing totally blew--but I don't think you should let Extraordinary Gentleman off the hook so easily.

I don't wanna spin this thread too far off, but will Sean Connery turn ANYTHING down?

[tjdee]

21. I'm thinking the answer is no.

Ex. Gent. should have been better. The comics are clever, etc.

The first sign that it was going to blow was when they decided that there just HAD to be an American, as Americans are too stupid to watch movies without Americans in them. So they put in...Tom SAWYER? In a story about a group of...VILLAINS? That was enough to make me never ever ever see that film.

[ragin_acadian]

25. it's been awhile since i read any of the classics

but here is my idea for the extraordinary gentlemen II:

heathcliff from wuthering heights steals the time machine. he goes back in time and gets the headless horseman, and the puritans from the crucible. then he goes forward in time and steals ricardo montahlbahn off the set of wrath of kahn, and mikhail kalishnokav as he invents the AK. he proceeds to build the red october, at which point michael jay fox and christopher lloyd have to interrupt the space time continuum to get alex baldwin and james earl jones to hijack the red october. meanwhile, sal from "on the road" rescues mina harker from being exposed to the sun: they fall in love, while heathcliff is trying to take over the world with meth addicted morlocks, and okies from the grapes of wrath. alan quartermain comes back from the dead to rescue tom sawyer from being tortured by ricardo montahlbahn, while james earl jones becomes the new invisible man (he gets fed up with the script and quits), after beating the crap out of chuck norris in a kung fu tournament, captain nemo blows up the red october, and goes hot rodding with jane eyre.

what do you think? does it do justice to the first movie?

if sean connery turns this script down, we'll know if he has any integrity left.

[GingerSnaps]

13. At least you didn't pay to see it at the show

:argh:

[indigobusiness]

14. Yeah, but Kate Beckinsale is HOT!!!

[BiggJawn]

19. That was its ONLY redeeming feature!

Glad I saw it on a $4 matinee instead of full-price....

[orpupilofnature57]

15. too busy no biscuit,DRACULA was to big COPPOLA'S i mean.

ANTHONY HOPKINS is VAN HELSING.VAN HELSING just goes through the motions,good on paper,not entertaining.

[Quetzal]

16. Fucking sucked a fat one

n/t

[non sociopath skin]

17. I went to see it on the strength of the trailer ...

... only to find that it was a compilation of the only good three minutes in the movie.

All I remember is that I kept dozing off but the crap soundtrack kept waking me up.

It's the only movie that has ever literally given me a headache!

The Skin

[datasuspect]

18. purely marketing-driven movie

like 99% of the movies out there nowadays.

the title reminds me of a nonsense german/european name (like haagen dazs) that some marketing exec came up with to make the picture sound more "mysterious"

[Left Is Write]

27. Blame Bram Stoker.

He's the one who first used the name.

[non sociopath skin]

28. However. Stoker's "Dracula" is a class act ....

... compared to the Van Helsing movie.

The Skin

[tjdee]

22. Well, watched the end....very, very sad....

the way the ending stunk too!!!

Wow. Just....wow.

The most compelling part of the whole thing was the Frankenstein character saying "I want live". The Frankenstein monster is such a wonderfully tragic character in general though.

[arwalden]

23. I Loved It... It Is What It Is... A Little Campy, Tongue In Cheek, Fun.

This wasn't supposed to be a theatrical masterpiece of acting... it's all about the legends and the special effects.

Lighten up and you might enjoy it better. Try to think of it as a COMIC BOOK or a GRAPHIC NOVEL on video.

-- Allen

[Left Is Write]

26. That was my thinking too.

In fact, my husband and I both likened it to a live-action comic book when we went to see it.

[ZoCrowes]

29. I started watching it last night

cause kate beckinsale is hooooot but I could not make it past halfway through. My brain felt like it was melting. And Kate Beckinsale was not very hot in it.