Serious Question- What do you call your in-laws?

[Danmel]

We are having some in law issues here- and I was thinking maybe they don't like the fact that I don't call them Mom and Dad. (I call them by their first names- politely of course). I just never felt right calling people other than my own Mom and Dad by those names. Even more so now that my Mom is gone.

What do you call your in laws- I'm serious here guys, OK.

[trof]

1. Mom and Pop

Different situation, though.
My parents divorced when I was a tad. Never knew father.
Mom died a year before I met Miz t.
I was technically an orphan when I acquired in-laws.
The six kids and and their spouses called them Mom and Pop and so did I.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

2. Seriously... when I was married, I called them by 1st names....

Since divorce we all have much more 'colorful' names for one another.

[DebJ]

3. I call my mother-in-law by her first name. I wouldn't be

comfortable calling her Mom, either. Part of that has to do with the fact that I just got married in June; my spouse is 54 and I am 49, mother-in-law just turned 80, father-in-law died before I met him.

[Alleycat]

4. Touchy subject

When me and my husband were dating I always referred to them as Mr or Mrs and I always called my father-in-law's new wife by her first name. Once we married my father-in-law suggested the first name thing for him also. It took some work to get over the uncomfortable period but soon worked fine for all. My mother-in-law was a different matter-she insisted I call her Mom even though I expressed the fact that I felt uncomfortable with it. It was weird referrering to anyone but my own Mom by that title. For a while I called her nothing, then things went south with the marriage and now I call her by her first name.

Personally I feel this is something that should be handled on an individual basis. Some people can just fall right in with the Mom, Dad thing but other feel strange with it. It is much better with the first name thing because to me it was less forced.

[flordehinojos]

5. I would tend to side with you.

Is your issue with your spouse because he/she would like for you to call his/her parents "mom/dad"? Is it with your own in-laws? Coming from the Spanish tradition, we tend to call our in-laws by their first names. (Have your in-laws themselves said what they would like for you to call them?. If they tell you they'd liked to be called "mom" or "dad" you can always tell them that for you, calling anyone "Mom" or "Dad" only feels right when it applies toyour own mom and dad... and then ask again what, other than Mom and Dad, they would like for you to call them.)

It is all easier said than done... and who knows, maybe there are other issues lurking behind the mom and dad issue that no one has yet talked about. if there is and you know what it is, you might want to bring it to the forefront.

Good luck to all as you resolve your issues!

[Danmel]

29. No not really

We've been married for 16 years, and have a daughter and a son.Things are strained because they have a marked preference for their daughter her husband and their children over our family.

They have always been distant with me and are not warm and fuzzy people- in the 18 years I have known my husband, I have never heard them tell him that they love him. They have never told me that they love me even after I told my mother in law that I love her. (Which at one point I sort of did, but at this point do not). My father in law has always been awkward and uncomfortable with me for reasons I am not sure I understand.

I would, to most people, seem to be a suitable mate. I am of the same ethnic and religious background as they are, I am not bizarre looking in any way, I have a graduate school education and come from an intact relatively normal family.

My brother in law is a very obsequious person. He has this whole act going on and he of course calls them Mom and Dad.

They have never in anyway acted in a parental manner toward me. For example, one time my husband & I met at heir house for dinner- we took two cars because our kids had a birthday party to go to and he was at work. (The kids were about 5 and 2 at the time. I felt sick- in fact I was vomiting and we lived about 20 miles away. My mother in law refused to drive me home, so I had to drive home on local roads at night stopping every few minutes to throw up out the car window. How could I can her mom? My mother would have carried me on her tiny little back rather than have me drove home alone sick at night?

I don't know- I guess I;m just trying to figure why they hate me when I've been a good wife to their husband (he loves me) a good mother to their grandchildren, they aren't Republicans, so it isn't political. I just don't get it.

[fluffernutter]

32. you shouldn't call them anything you don't feel comfortable with

i call mine by their first names ... i think it's their loss if they don't like you for who you are. and i also think that what you call them is really not the real issue anyway. i'm sorry :hug: inlaw issues bite the big one.

[flordehinojos]

41. may I venture to say something, even if I am totally wrong?

I guess I won't wait for an answer but just venture to say it.
Do your in laws THINK or FEEL that your relationship with their SON in anyway STOLE their SON away from THEM? ... IT IS FUNNY HOW SOMETIMES BLOOD TIES ARE SO TIGHT THAT PEOPLE REGULATE THE TIGHTNESS BETWEEN THEM BY PRETENDING TO BE DISTANT. IT IS ALSO AMAZING HOW MUCH, PEOPLE, EVEN WHEN THEY SEEM TO BE DISTANT FROM ONE ANOTHER, RESENT ANYONE WHOM THEY FEEL IS PULLING AWAY THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER.

Surprise your mother in law one of these days and call her "mom-in-law", or "yes, mother-in-law" , or send them a "to my mom and dad in law" card, or something like that. it may just change the dynamics (for better or for worse--that i don't know).

anyhow, just my two pennies worth for whatever it may be worth.:-)

[Danmel]

43. I don't think that's it

He hadn't lived with them for years before we married and we saw them quite frequently earlier in our marriage. They are just much much more involved with their daughter and her family to the point of traveling far away- in excess of 1,000 almost every holiday with them and not even calling my children ( and yes, my children are their son's children- I didn't come into the marriage with them).

My husband's sister is a real narcissist- she always has to have her way and is very manipulative- she has them completely wrapped around her finger. OF course, they are putting their eggs in the wrong basket, because if they ever really need care, she won't do it- she doesn't do anything she wasn't to do.

[LiberalEsto]

44. My M-in-L favored one of her daughters

and her daughter's kids, but that was just one out of her 3 daughters. My husband was apparently her least favorite child (out of 8) so she was cold to my kids. We solved the problem by moving 200 miles away and not visiting a lot. That way when we DID visit, we weren't taken for granted. It improved the relationships a great deal.

It might be worth putting some physical or emotional distance between your family and the in-laws.

[Bertha Venation]

6. Jim & Alice. In discussion w/ Mrs. V., "your mom" or "your dad." eom

[Bronco69]

7. I agree with you.

I'm VERY uncomfortable calling anyone but my own parents mom and dad. I always call people Mr., Mrs., Ms. etc. until I feel comfortable with them, and then I call them by their first name.

[NMDemDist2]

8. since my parents aren't in my life i refer to the ILs as "Mom & Dad"

ut usually call them by their first names when speaking with them

IOW i say to hubby "When are Mom and Dad coming"

when they arrive "Hi Gail, Hi Phil"

[Padraig18]

9. "Papi"and "Mami"

That's what they prefer, so that's what I use.

:)

[eyesroll]

10. I called my soon-to-be-former in-laws by their first names.

Then again, each was re-married with stepkids, who also called them by their first name, so I suppose they were used to being addressed that way by "kids."

[kedrys]

11. I don't call them anything. We don't hang.

My S.O.'s family is beyond dysfunctional, and I don't want anything to have to do with them. On the other hand, my parents adore said S.O., who calls them Dadoo and The Mama. They love it!

[LiberalEsto]

12. Ask them what they prefer

This was a real problem in my first marriage. I'd just lost my mother, and my father-in-law despised me and the fact that I wasn't Italian or Catholic, etc etc etc. So I skated around the whole thing for 5 years with no resolution. I was taught as a child that it was very rude to call any adult by first name -- you either called them Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones or, if the person was a close family friend, Aunt Betty and Uncle Fred. And I could not bring myself to call my mother-in-law Mrs. "Capellini" or Aunt "Primavera".

When I married my second husband, one of the first things I did upon getting engaged was to ask my in-laws what they thought. I ended up calling them by the first names and everything is fine.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[LibDemAlways]

13. Here's a good repuke in-law story.

I have a friend who grew up in modest circumstances in Brooklyn who married into a wealthy family of repuke cold fishes in Southern California. Father-in-law is a retired CEO and mother-in-law is once of those "ladies who lunch" types whose own family is worth many millions.

On the day of the wedding - after the ceremony- my friend was called into the father-in-law's study where she was informed that she was to call her new in-laws "Mr. Bullshit" and "Mrs. Bullshit" and further told that she personally would never see a dime of their money because she would never be a true "Bullshitter."

Gotta love those reuke family values.

[mairceridwen]

14. actually...

At thanksgiving I called my (future) mother in law mum. It just kind of slipped out. Wierd.

Otherwise, I call them by their first names...they are pretty laid back and easy going people. I could see calling Bill, "pop" or something, but not "dad"


A. has a hard time calling my mother by her first name but not my stepfather because he's Jim to everyone. I don't think he's going to be up for calling her "mom" but he might.

We live far away them (and each other too) and it's funny (and I'm being serious too) we don't ever "call" them anything, because we just don't see them much.


I think they should respect whatever you want to call them.

In my mom's family, everyone called my grandmother Mrs. L--------. Except my dad, who called her Mom. And then one of my mother's sister-in-laws started calling her Kay, which was fine too.


I think it's easier when you have kids, because then everyone can refer to their respective inlaws as nana, papa, granma, grampa, oma, opa, or whatever...eventually, everyone refered to my grandmother as nana.


i miss my nana. *sigh*

[CatBoreal]

15. I call mine by...

their first names. I'm not all that close to them and they aren't my parents, so I don't call them Mom and Dad.

As a collective unit, I refer to them as my out-laws. They're bloody Bush*-bots.

[amazona]

16. I call them by their names

But mostly I don't call them anything as we haven't spoken in many years.

My partner calls my parents by their first names.

How else would it be? We're all adults here, right?

[gollygee]

17. By their first names

and I started doing it and my mother-in-law said she was glad I did - apparently her mother-in-law wants her to call her "Nana" because she is her kids' grandparent, and she finds that weird.

[Feathered Fish]

18. Mom and Patrick

I feel weird addressing my (common-law) hubby's dad by dad, but his mom, hell ya! (Then again, I call the Italian lady at out local Italian eatery mama)

[mondo joe]

19. I don't even call MY parents MOM and DAD. So, first names.

[City Lights]

20. By their first names.

My husband's father remarried after my husband was already an adult, so he also calls his father's wife by her first name.

I'm in the boat with you. My parents are the only ones I can refer to as Mom and Dad, and my mom passed away seven years ago.

My husband only uses Dad for his his father (his mom also passed away). My parents had nicknames, and my husband has always used those when addressing my parents.

Everyone is cool with the arrangement. B-)

[Deja Q]

21. My in-laws?

I first need to get some. O8)

[SmokingJacket]

22. I find it hard to call people older than me by their first names.

A generational thing. And I hate calling them Mom and Dad, because it just isn't true. I already HAVE a mom and dad.

So I didn't call them anything until I had kids, and my kids made up names for them, which I began to use.

I don't know if they like it, but it's the only thing I feel comfortable doing.

[auntAgonist]

23. my sentiments exactly.

I have never called a mother in law Mom, my first mother in law was a wonderful woman, very loving and kind, but she wasn't my Mum. She understood, she always signed cards Mom B. I on the other hand would easily avoid calling her anything .. she always had my respect and love. when referring to her she was always **First Name**

My mother in law of 5 years is a woman I don't really know. Sure I 'know' her, but she has alzheimers and she'll never know me as a daughter in law, she'll always be ""First Name""

My Mum passed away too, there is only one Mum. always. "for me anyway"

[kittycat1164]

24. Their first names

And for the record, I have the best in-laws in the world. Second family. I'm soo blessed. And what's even better my husband thinks the same of mine. What a cool thing!

[NervousRex]

25. First names....

when I am around them....a wide variety of other things when I am not.

[Contrary1]

26. Ask them what they would prefer...

it will be easier in the long run. My son-in-law
finally worked up the nerve to ask, and my response
was "You may refer to me as the Queen Mother."
Five years later, he still uses it.

[sugar magnolia]

27. I call my mother-in-law

The Wicked Witch of the North. But generally not to her face. I usually call them by their first names, sometimes I use Nana and Poppa (which is what my kids call them). My preference would be not to call them at all.

[AlCzervik]

28. Mine passed away but my husabnd call my father "Dick" and he means it

his name is Richard but Dick is really more accurate.

[Seabiscuit]

30. I call them by their first names. Although occasionally I call them

mom & dad, for both amusement and affinity. Both of my natural parents are gone. It always makes them smile/chuckle.

[CO Liberal]

31. I've Been Married Three Times - Called All of Them "Mom" & "Dad"

The exception was my first mother-in-law. After Ex #1 and I were divorced, I called her Gloria. I never saw my second set of in-laws after Ex #2 and I separated.

My parents always called each other's parents "Mom" and "Dad", so I saw no problem with it.

[fortyfeetunder]

33. I would never call the outlaws Mom and Dad

under any circumstances. Not after the cr@p they dished out at me over the years, these are things a parent would not do to their children.

Now that we have a kid, I call them Grandma and Grandpa so the kid knows what to call them.

[Paranoid_Portlander]

34. Uncle Adolf.

I know, it seems like a really bad joke, but I do have an aunt who is married to an Adolf. He just celebrated his 97th birthday.

[Left Is Write]

35. I usually call them by their first names.

Sometimes, though, I will refer to my mother-in-law as "Mom," usually just in correspondence. I don't think I call her Mom when I'm talking to her.

My father-in-law is my husband's stepfather, so we both call him by his first name, but sometimes we get gifts or notes signed "Mom and Dad."

My husband calls my parents by their first names and by Mom and Dad, apparently depending on which way the wind is blowing. ;

[flamingyouth]

36. When I was married I called them by their first names

[Ernesto]

37. Stupid

(Repuke fundys)

[Darth_Kitten]

38. Ask them.......

they should let you know what makes them comfortable... :)

[Frogtutor]

39. Oooo, I've wondered about this too...

I call mine by their first names, and I've been married for 19 years now. My husband also calls my parents by their first names. My brother recently got married, and his wife immediately started called our parents "Mom" and "Dad". It's probably stupid and immature of me, but I always feel a little twinge of resentment when she does that around me.

I love my in-laws very much, but I just feel like only my real parents should be called Mom and Dad. I've wondered about it before, though, because I would never want my in-laws to think that I don't care for them enough to do so...

[TrogL]

40. Hey! You with the face!

[Solly Mack]

42. Mrs and Mr (last names)

I will not call them Mom or Dad because they are not my parents and never will be my parents.

My husband's mother actually had the nerve to say to me (the day I buried my mother) "You can call me Mom now"

Not on a bet. It just doesn't work that way in my world.

[Danmel]

46. My God that is cold

You have my sympathies. For both the loss of your mom and your mother in laws callousness.

Of course my poor mother had a series of strokes before she died and was in a vegetative state for almost 2 months before she passed away. I had to go to the hospital which was 45 miles from my home to meet with my brother and father and the social workers at the hospital to discuss her living will and her health care directives and to discuss termination of aggressive medical care.

So when I told my mother in law what I was doing that day, she said "Great! you'll get something accomplished today!", as if I was buying a pair of shoes or something. She is just so self centered and so clueless it is as if she had a disability. I'd feel sorry for her, but she's not nice enough for me to feel that way.

[Solly Mack]

47. Our MIL's sound like sisters

What a horrible thing for her to have said to you!


My mom was sick for years before she died. I know the strain it puts on a person. ((((((( Danmel))))))) You have my heart-felt sympathies as well.

[BluePatriot]

45. By their first names

Maybe it's because my parents call their in-laws by their first names as well :shrug:

/edited for spelling, hehe

[ulysses]

48. by their first names.

Funny though - Ms Uly and I have been married 11 1/2 years, and she didn't call my parents anything until this Thanksgiving, when she finally was able to come out with "Shirley" for my mother. :D

[cags]

49. My old neighbor called his his "outlaws"