HOMOSEXUALS KEEP TRYING TO RECRUIT ME

[Skittles]

INTO THEIR LIFESTYLE, I kid you not. Why just last night there was a GROUP of them at my door preaching the values of the gay lifestyle and offering me toasters and savings bonds as incentive. THE NERVE!!! :7

[Shrek]

1. But were they successful?

:evilgrin:

[Gman]

2. What about the booths at the airport?

I read about them over at FR so it must be true!

[Skittles]

13. hey Gman

please, PLEASE tell me you are kidding. If not - DETAILS please! :O

[trof]

3. I just tell them I'm Jewish.

No...wait...that's the other bunch.
nevermind

[renie408]

9. ROFL...

If you want to shut them up in a hurry, just say in as friendly a tone as you can, "Thanks anyway, we don't believe in god." It is worth it just to see the looks on their faces, but it definitely ends any religious approach in a hurry.

[joycep]

4. That's cute!

I needed a laugh today.

[GOPisEvil]

5. Savings bonds too?

I guess the recruitment efforts are more difficult in the Dallas area. Here in Austin, all they offer are calendars. I guess all those impressionable kids away from home for the first time are easy pickins. :P

[Skittles]

12. and they were LAME-ASS CALENDARS as I recall

the pictures SUCKED.

[GOPisEvil]

15. Yep...scenic Beirut...circa 1982...

Not pretty.

[renie408]

6. Really?

Toasters and savings bonds?? Was it a four slot toaster? Cause I could use a new four slot toaster....

[PDittie]

7. Hold out for a cash bonus

..or a 4day/3night vacation to the resort of your choice.

[Skittles]

10. I SUSPECT THAT'S WHAT THEY OFFER THE MEN

WHERE DO I F***ING COMPLAIN ?????

[meegbear]

8. We're trying the beat our 1998 goal ....

http://www.theonion.com/onion3326/homosexualrecruit.html

[Skittles]

16. ROTF!!!

A CLASSIC!!!

[ronnykmarshall]

17. I've already topped my 1998 goal.

You should see the prizes I get. A lavender VW Bug convertable! It's sooooooooooooo fab!

[davidinalameda]

29. so are you Ronnie

you're so fab!

:bounce:

[ronnykmarshall]

40. Why thank ya!!

Ya know the hardest part about the recruitment is gettin' these new ones to speak correctly. Getting former straight guys to stop saying "dude" every other word just works my last nerve. Ya pickin' up what I'm puttin' down, girl?

[underpants]

11. Make sure you take a video camera with you

In the name of all that is HOLY! PLEASE at least take pictures

:bounce::bounce::bounce:

[trof]

14. Maybe you should...you know...

KICK SOME ASS!
there
I said it

[blondeatlast]

18. Bwahahahahahaha!

It had to be said, Trof, it had to be!

[blondeatlast]

19. Negotiate for a Rice Cooker instead.

[trof]

20. Now THAT is a handy gadget.

Purfeck rice, every time.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

21. Are any of the recruitment teams...

Offering a vegitable steamer or a fruit dehydrator? Either those or some help picking a new color for my living room? If so, send them over. I'm willing to negotiate. ;-)

[blondeatlast]

23. If they are the Fab Five, invite them in . . .

A subtle mention about how you are thinking of fixing up the living room, then take it from there!

[Enraged_Ape]

22. Yeah, they offered me a $5,000 signing bonus...

but I'd have to be gay for two years. Once I told them I was married and straight, they didn't call me back anymore.

[Ready4Change]

24. They obviously have no idea how to marketeer...

They should send lesbians to recruit the guys and gays to recruit the ladies.

Gotta know what your demographic wants.

[underpants]

25. Again I must stress the importance of video equipment

:bounce:

[Buns_of_Fire]

26. Just a toaster? That's *SO* last year!

They're lowballing you. Hold out for the microwave, or at LEAST demand to see the prize catalog! :-)

[catpower2000]

27. I held out for the George Foreman grill...

And my breasts have never been more tasty! CHICKEN breasts, you perv!

Cat

[davidinalameda]

31. that's what SHE said

could make a fish joke but that would be a bit too much

[Skittles]

43. ooh

I love my Foreman grill! :D

[davidinalameda]

28. toasters are passe'

food processors are what I use

never underestimate the power of a Cuisinart

[Skittles]

45. huh

must have been cheap f***s at my door

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. NOT ME!!! I show up all innocently with a Watchtower Magazine

[GOPisEvil]

32. Ah, the classic bait and switch!

[TEXASYANKEE]

33. Highend living!

Yeah, you live in ritzy Plano, where they offer such luxuries as toasters and savings bonds ... in Rowlett they only offer hot plates and store coupons! ;-)

[Skittles]

54. y'all Rowletters are just white trash who don't know it

:D

[BigMcLargehuge]

34. Did they offer to leave you with "some literature"?

If so, what was it?

[Skittles]

46. "KATE"

biography of Katherine Hepburn

[BigMcLargehuge]

58. BWAHAHAHAH!!!!

and a coupon for the Liza Minelli record of their choosing?

[Padraig18]

35. Hmmm

They must be newbies, if they didn't mention the spiffy new keychain, color-coordinated to match your purse and shoes. :P

[Skittles]

47. when I turned them down

they had some snotty remarks about my attire. :O

[peekaloo]

36. I was offered a free appraisal on

my carpet and drapes compatibility!


Deceitful!

[qwertyMike]

37. I just tell them . ..

. .I'm getting there.
I'm already good with colors

[KamaAina]

38. Well, then, kick their asses!

uh, wait a minute, that didn't come out quite right...

:-)

[Touchdown]

39. Be thankful we don't have the gay draft anymore.

We had to stop that in the 70s. We got tired of looking at the frumpy dresses the new lesbians were wearing, and those awful Lee painter pants with the butt crack exposed on what looked like potentially great young gay men. They pulled that crap just to get out of serving our duty! (Sigh) Ahh, the good ole days.

Edited for spelling

[Iris]

41. Yep. And everytime a man makes a pass at me,

he's just trying to get me into the good God-fearing heterosexual lifestyle - even though I'm already married!

[MissMillie]

42. I'm convinced that other people are trying to force me....

... into a life of asexuality.

[Skittles]

48. What's wrong Miss Millie

can't get a date? :7

[noiretextatique]

49. LOL...me too, missmillie

me too :7

[JohnKleeb]

44. lol

[Bake]

50. Damn! They haven't tried to recruit me!

And I thought I looked pretty good, too! I must be in need of a Fab Five Makeover! Come to think of it, I haven't been using the hydrator and other skin care products they gave the Jolly Green Giant the other night...

Bake

[Skittles]

55. they must think you already ARE gay

:7

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

51. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

That was the hardest laugh I have had at DU EVER. Just the subject alone.

[Skittles]

56. you're welcome, BP

what inspired me was reading yet another argument by the religious fanatic homophobes that homesexuals actually do RECRUITING. WTF??????? The only people that REALLY show up at my door preaching are.....well, RELIGIOUS FANATIC HOMOPHOBES. :O

[kodi]

52. ask for a signing bonus.

.

[jumptheshadow]

53. Did they tell you?

In order to get the toaster oven you can't just pass the written. You've got to ace the oral.

[TrogL]

57. They're not doing it right

It's all in the clothes.

[amazona]

59. not me...grumbling and mumbling

It has been years since people banged on my door wanting to orgy with me.


only a little bitter

[Cronus Protagonist]

60. Then you know about The Gay Agenda?

http://cronus.com/agenda



Click Here To See Fair & Balanced Buttons, Stickers & Magnets!>

[Skittles]

64. lol!

SWEET

[Solly Mack]

61. If you hold out long enough, you get the toaster AND the blender

along with savings bonds.

if you're ever offered the decoder ring, woohoo!!!!

you hafta recruit 2 to get the spy glass and 1000 to get the much talked about but never seen "gay agenda"

[Booberdawg]

62. OMFG! THERE IS SOMEONE AT MY DOOR WITH A TOASTER!!

:scared:

[Booberdawg]

63. They're gone now. I passed the written test and got a 4 slot toaster

Is it just me or does everyone have to take the oral test?:shrug:

[PopSixSquish]

65. Gosh Dang It!

Nobody ever tries to recruit me either. Let's see I already have a toaster and a George Foreman grill, hmmm.... How about an electric toothbrush and I'm yours.