Freeper with Halley Berry/Beyonce girlfriend has Selma Hayek ex!

[Zuni]

Some of you might remember I posted a thread about a Freeper who claimed he had a girlfriend who was a Halley Berry/Beyonce type black woman who was a laywer with a twin sister that was an MD.

Well that Freeper is back, and his fantasy life seems to be as active as ever (but it is interesting how he compares his ex, Selma Hayek and his daughter)
to writ:

Posted by speed_addiction to Rakkasan1
On General/Chat 12/16/2004 3:53:43 PM PST · 20 of 41


My oldest daughter Jazz is almost more a clone of my ex-wife than a daughter. From a distance in low light even I confuse one with the other.

My ex-wife is a life long athlete and even at 42 still has a curvacious Salma Hayek body (with big fun bubbles)! Thing is, my daughter is built the exact same way.

... and then there is this story about a shootout in Mexico
Posted by speed_addiction to Rakkasan1
On News/Activism 12/17/2004 7:51:48 AM PST · 14 of 29

I was in a shoot-out in Mexico once in a room no bigger than 15x15. There were five of us. My brother and I against two Mexican Federales and one of thier madrinas. Everyone except my brother in law was hit. I had to get back across the border to the US bleeding in my brother in law's brand new Honda Prelude with leather interior. Have not set foot in Mexico since.

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[trotsky]

1. I was just thinking about my ex-girlfriend the other day...

Morgan Fairchild, yeah, THAT'S the ticket!

[phaseolus]

4. who I've seen naked....

n/t

[NewJeffCT]

14. was that before or after?

Was that before or after I dated her? Didn't John Kerry date her as well?

[Jessica]

2. Ewwww ...

He really shouldn't be talking about his daughter's fun bubbles.

[Zuni]

5. Isn't it rather disturbing that he did?

Why would he go to describe these sexy women and then say his daughter looked just like them?

[htuttle]

7. This line is a bit more disturbing...

"From a distance in low light even I confuse one with the other. "

Bet there's an interesting story behind that admission...

[NewJeffCT]

12. that is disturbing

While I hope my 21 month old daughter grows up to be an attractive woman, I don't think I'll be commenting on the size of her "fun bubbles"

[Not_Giving_Up]

65. I was thinking...

How long will it be before we hear a story on the news about a guy who thought his daughter had "fun bubbles" (what kind of terminology is that anyway???) and confused her with his ex-wife, therefore attempting to procreate with her?

[Minstrel Boy]

120. "But officer, the light was low. And say,

did you get a load of her fun bubbles? You're a man - can you blame me?"

:puke:

[AlCzervik]

3. He needs to get out of his mom's basement once and awhile.

[ET Awful]

6. LOL . . . Does lying just come naturally to these loons?

His daughter is named Jazz and he was involved in a shootout in Mexico? That's not Freeper, it's Antonio Banderas :)

[Fenris]

16. With the Federales no less!

He must get all his ideas from Robert Rodriguez movies and Telemundo.

[Streetdoc270]

8. You need to spend less time in freeperville.....

Its not good for your mental well-being

[hippiechick]

9. Wow, I want some of what he's smoking !!

That Mexican shootout story is a riot !!! LMAO !!


:hippie:

[sniffa]

10. zuni

i appreciate your FR research. :D

[Zuni]

15. Thank You

It is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
:hurts:

[bushisanidiot]

11. Yet more proof that freeps are raving lunatics.

as if there were ever any doubt..

[wicket]

13. And I'm dating Colin Farrell

LOL!!!

[BikeWriter]

17. He has an active fantasy world!

;-)

[jeff30997]

18. I miss going to outer space in order to save humanity.

These days I'm more in time-travel(again to save humanity).

[livinginphotographs]

19. Christ, if you're going to lie, at least do a better job of it.

Of course, his username is "speed_addiction." Just sayin'....

[Phillycat]

29. HAHAHAHA!!!!! Excellent point.

[LoZoccolo]

20. Ha I think this guy is like one of us or something.

It has the air of some great comedy.

[Beer Snob-50]

21. I had his daughters fun bubbles and they were!!

we had a nice interlude after our shootout in a bungalow somewhere in tijuna (sp) followed by tequila and fried gila monsters.

[Phillycat]

22. "Fun bubbles"?

[Fenris]

25. He could have just as easily said "fun bags."

:hi:

[Phillycat]

26. Yes, they're both charming. *rolls eyes*

:hi:

[Fenris]

40. Well, he's a classy fella.

Like Donald Trump classy.:D

[Beer Snob-50]

42. It appears my dear that you don't appreciate

these terms of endearment? :think:

[Phillycat]

52. Well, I appreciate the sentiment of his leering at his daughter in

dim light...wait a minute. No I don't. :puke:

[Beer Snob-50]

74. LOL!!! EOM

[Zuni]

23. Same FReeper was Ranger who parachuted into Panama

His daughter was wounded in Iraq!

Posted by speed_addiction to Viet Vet in Augusta GA
On News/Activism 12/16/2004 6:33:40 AM PST · 5 of 6


This brings back a few memories. I jumped into Panama with 3rd Ranger Battallion. Our mission was an assault on the Rio Hato Airfield to nuetralize the PDF force stationed there. Like the author's our firefight there was intense and brief.

That was the first "blooding" of many of the guys in my unit. Most of us had joined a peacetime Army. Within the course of a few years we found ourselves again ducking enemy fire in Desert Storm and Somalia (where I was shot in the face).

I guess being a warrior runs in the blood because my daughter Jazz served in Iraq and lost an eye in a grenade attack in Bagdad.

Some people can never really understand the desires, motivations and hearts of our youngest and brightest that willing risk it all for an ideal. An ideal called America.

[ET Awful]

27. Shot in the face in Somalia no less, and his daughter lost an eye

to a grenade attack (bet she doesn't look much like Salma Hayek now).

[Fenris]

31. He was shot in the face. Fun Bubbles lost an eye.

That's not called risking it all for America. That's called being an idiot.

[Phillycat]

58. I love the fact that we're calling her "Fun Bubbles" now.

ROFL.

[Zuni]

59. "Fun Bubbles lost an eye"

If I didn't know what you meant I would be very confused with that statement

[Not_Giving_Up]

68. ROTFLMAO

I have tears streaming down my face!

I guess we should be suprised that Jazz didn't bust a fun bubble in Iraq.

He was shot in the face...with what? Maybe that would explain brain damage!

[AlCzervik]

24. OK, if this is the same guy it all makes sense now

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-31985.html
Oy!

[Zuni]

28. His wife hired a contract killer!

Lurking around this site, I have seen something that has really touched me. I am really impressed by how many women are steadfastly waiting on their man's release. If only the guys inside could see this. My ex-wife was very unfaithful when we were together, she and her lover even hired a guy to shotgun me to death. He fired twice through my window, came in my house and fired twice more. Missed all four times. I fired at him twice, nailed him both times. Friggin Amatuers!:mad:

Anyway, I know it is hard for the ones waiting outside. When I was down, I had few visits since my wife was not going to see me. Halfway across the state was too far for my daughters to travel alone my dad broke his neck in a truck wreck the day I arrived at the Federal Facility.

Hang in there, your loved one will appreciate your faithfulness to no end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[AlCzervik]

32. She got tired of her chest being called "Fun bubbles"

and his leering at their daughter.

[Zuni]

37. That would do it!

Did you hear he was an Army Ranger who parachuted into Panama? His daughter lost an eye in Iraq!

[AlCzervik]

41. it's Phil Parlock!!!!! just kidding...or am i?

[Zuni]

47. Parlock is from WV/this guy is from Texas

Besides, Parlock lied about other people

[AlCzervik]

48. i was kidding.

[Zuni]

49. I know

[Fenris]

35. I think he's read way too many "Rogue Warrior" books.

[Vanje]

66. Does a week go by when this poor fella isnt shot?

There were those Federales, and the war wound in , was it Gulf War 1?
No. It was Somalia. Our hero must've seen Black Hawk Down.

And the wifes shotgun weilding lover......

Have I missed any?

[Not_Giving_Up]

78. And his Dad broke his neck the day he was incarcerated!

The tragedy just never ends for this guy!

[Zuni]

88. His daughter lost an eye in Baghdad!

It does get worse

[Zuni]

82. Yes, in Panama where he parachuted in and seized an airfield!

I am sure there were plenty more incidents, thank you!

[jeff30997]

104. I'm sure he also got Noriega all by himself.

Next thing you know the guy will be a Vietnam vet.

[mac56]

Soooo...are lots of freeper women involved with prisoners?

Just asking.

[Zuni]

84. No, but a lot of Condoleeza-admiring Berry/Beyonce type black women are!

Don't forget she has a twin sister, who is an MD and she is an atty, living with a FREeper Ex-Con

[skygazer]

126. No doubt he gets the twin sister and his girlfriend

confused, especially in low lighting when he can't see their Fun Bubbles properly.

You'd think he'd be able to tell the difference between his wife and daughter - the daughter's the one with one eye. Oh, yeah.... he's not looking at their eyes....

[ET Awful]

33. Based on this, I'd say it's the same guy . . .

My ex-wife was very unfaithful when we were together, she and her lover even hired a guy to shotgun me to death. He fired twice through my window, came in my house and fired twice more. Missed all four times. I fired at him twice, nailed him both times. Friggin Amatuers

[Phillycat]

39. ...to "shotgun" him to death?

[Zuni]

46. It is different than shooting him

:hi:

[FizzFuzz]

80. I can't wait for them to attempt to gasoline enema him to death.

well, now we know where all the freeper-incest-child rape rumors come from

How do the other freepers react to this guy? "Your daughter's fun bubbles! Yeah! You GO dude!"

[Zuni]

86. Not even that would take this Rambo down!

This guy is a killing machine.
When he goes on the hunt his enemies should just get a lot of body bags ready.

[FizzFuzz]

92. HAHAH!! Oh please, just let me have a sip of my coffee...please

stop if only for a moment...pant pant....

I think I'll cue up "Hungry Like the Wolf" right now!

Hey you should start a poll "What would be speed-bubbles theme music??"

[livinginphotographs]

110. "Eye of the Tiger" of course.

Or anything by Twisted Sister.

[crispini]

50. ROTFLMAO!

Aiyo! That's classic.

[Zuni]

34. It is definetly the same guy

Originally posted by lulu
mY GOODNESS.I take nothing happen to her?

Because of what I was involved with at the time "cough *dealing* cough." I thought it was related to that. I did not learn about it being her until I was under indictment. I slept next to her for a year before I knew.

When I confronted her about it, she said she hated me and was sorry that I had won that little shoot-out. Since I was just months away from prison I let it go. More for my two daughters (Jazz and Marcy) than for her. Would have been tragic for both their parents to have been in jail.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[AlCzervik]

38. Do i win the door prize?

[Phillycat]

44. "Jazz" and "Mercy"?

[Zuni]

70. Jazz is short for Jazmina

[DelawareValleyDem]

30. He should write novels

sometimes, the best fiction is created by people who actually believe it

edit: damn typos

[Mark D]

36. I remember the last time I was shot out of a cannon...

I once dated Joan of Arc. She was a little too uptight for me, so I dumped her for Queen Elizabeth. Liz and I really hit it off, but, well, ya know, that whole royalty thing was just too demanding, so I fianlly found a true soul-mate in Little Red Riding Hood. Red and I have been happy for about ten years now. We have two wonderful children, Hansel and Grettle. Smart kids, but they tend to get into trouble alot.

[Fenris]

43. I killed Hitler.

[jeff30997]

57. I killed Stalin and Mao the same day !

(I have a time-traveling machine)Next week it will be Pinochet(no time-traveling machine needed).

[NewJeffCT]

62. yeah, but

You have to get them in their prime to make it fun! Pinochet looks like he could avoid a turtle, let alone an assassin.

[jeff30997]

103. OK then I'll warm-up the time-machine.

[jeff30997]

51. So you're the one who...

Took Little Red Riding Hood away from me ! I'll get you for this !
-Pinocchio

[ET Awful]

45. So is the brother-in-law Salma Hayek's brother or Halle Beyonce Berry's

:)

[Vanje]

53. Here he is with ex in tow

[Zuni]

55. Its trent lott!

[Vanje]

63. Which one is Trent

The guy on the left or the guy on the right?

[Z_I_Peevey]

64. Oh my goodness, yes!

When I look at that picture, I can almost smell the fearful sweat of the Federales! I hear the pop-pop-pop of the gunfire.

And Halle Beyonce Berry has had a little work done, hasn't she?

[FizzFuzz]

87. BWAAHAHAH

too funny--can't breathe---AHAHAHAHAH----ohh please, I beg of you-have mercy. Marcy. Something or other.

[Zuni]

90. Oh Marcy Mercy me!

[Phillycat]

54. YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME!!

I am laughing so hard at this thread that I am sure to be busted. My staff keeps turning around to look at me.

I love this shit. We are a group of funny motherfuckers.

[Zuni]

56. I am digging up more so keep an "eye out" if you know what I mean!

[jeff30997]

60. Hehehe.

[Phillycat]

72. *spits water on keyboard*

[Philostopher]

61. Wow.

I would have thought Chuck Norris would be too busy filming more episodes of 'Walker: Texas Ranger' to take the time to post on Free Republic. My bad.

[Cush]

79. "The eyes of the Rangers are upon you.....

When you are in Texas look behind you, cause thats where the Ranger is gonna be"

[Zuni]

67. This FReeper is into Martial Arts!!! and did steroids!

Posted by speed_addiction to dubyaismypresident
On News/Activism 12/13/2004 11:46:46 AM PST · 17 of 33

Winstrol V I don't suppose they sell that GNC? Do they?

No, but it is easily available in Mexico. I never had any intention of doing more than that one cycle. While I was impressed with the results, it is not something I would to do long term. I am into martial arts and these things made my muscles feel tight. Weightlifting is something I use to augment my martial arts training, not my first love.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Not_Giving_Up]

81. So, he was running steroids across the Texas/Mexican border

when he had the shootout with the Federales?

[Zuni]

89. no. that was over a bale of Marijuana

I am not sure where the steroids came in.

[Zuni]

69. Fun bubbles moves with grace of cat!

Jazz is short for Jazmina. I'll use this opportunity to brag on not only her, but Marcy also. Marcy is my youngest, she turned 18 in April. She is married and is the mother of my grandson, Izzy. In school she was an incredibly gifted athlete. She was blessed with tons of grace and balance. The simplest movement, getting up from a chair looks smooth and catlike. She played volleyball, ran the hurdles and was a blazingly fast fielder in softball. Unfortunately, she really was not passionate about sports, even though she easily excelled at them.

Jazz, on the other hand, loved sports. She showed up early to practices and stayed late. She went to camps, lifted weights and ran bleachers on her own. She had the agility of a cat also, a cat with a broken back and sore feet walking on tacks. :D She was an excellent athlete also, but excellence involved a lot more work for her than Marcy.

This is me with my grandson.

[Phillycat]

71. *tears streaming down cheeks, can't catch breath*

Okay.

"Jazmina"?

"Izzy"?

And is it Marcy or Mercy? Depends on which post of his you read.


WHERE THE HELL IS THE PICTURE? I WANT TO SEE THE PICTURE!!

[Zuni]

73. It wasn't there!

it was at http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-31... the thread was, there was no pic!

[Phillycat]

75. GOD DAMMIT ZUNI.

What a tease!

Seriously, you have brought me more enjoyment with this thread than anything has in weeks. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. :)

[Zuni]

76. Ain't no thing

...but a chicken wing :evilgrin:

[Not_Giving_Up]

83. So, Marcy, who got the normal name of the two kids, names her

kid Izzy???? WTF??

I wanna see the pics too!

[Zuni]

85. She is also 18!

Her sister is one-eyed

[Z_I_Peevey]

91. LOL

My sides hurt, really.

[Phillycat]

96. LOL!

I think the other daughter's name might actually be "Mercy". But it's hard to tell, the guy rambles a lot...

[Cush]

77. "big fun bubbles"? nothing pigheaded about that statement

and why is he talking about his daughter like that?

[phaseolus]

93. many links

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22speed_addiction%22&num=100&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&as_qdr=all&filter=0

probably some more comedy gold in there somewhere, but I have stuff to do....

[Zuni]

94. Well, He rides a Crotch-rocket! Girls flash 'titties'

have a 2002 Yamaha R1 and I can easily bring the front wheel up at 105-110 MPH. It is possible to over 175 MPH on this thing.

I do ride at an exciting clip and loft the front wheel more often than I should, but I always wear full gear on weekend rides (Teknic Leathers, Arai Full Face Helmet, Feildsheer Gloves and Alpine Stars Boots) and when I am getting squirrelly. I do pick my spots when I do my wheelies, though. Never in traffic unless there is a chance I may get some titties flashed at me for efforts (which has happened often enough).



11 posted on 12/03/2004 4:13:36 PM PST by speed_addiction (Ninja's last words, "Hey guys. Watch me just flip out on that big dude over there!")
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[phaseolus]

95. picked a link at random

http://www.uspoliticsonline.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8051&page=8

and found pics of him posing on a motorcycle, *and* pics of his favorite strippers!

[Zuni]

97. That link is great!

[immoderate]

123. Here's a great line...

The poor, I really have no respect for. At least not the poor in America. Not after seeing the poor in refugee camps in Turkey after Desert Storm and the poor in Somalia. THAT is fucking poor.

Poor in this country just can't come up to his standard! LOL

--IMM

[Zuni]

98. HE POSTED ON DU OVER 2,000 TIMES

To: Guillermo
"I can't seem to keep my account over there for more than 7, 8 posts...

The last ban was because I dared suggested that many Euros were correct in questioning the sanity of Mohammedan immigration."

I got up to 2000+ posts as Marvelous Marty. But the post election meltdown on DU Nov. 3rd provided such a target rich enviroment I wound up outing myself.




39 posted on 12/10/2004 4:33:33 PM PST by speed_addiction (Ninja's last words, "Hey guys. Watch me just flip out on that big dude over there!")
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[phaseolus]

101. Your search - "marvelous marty" site:democraticunderground.com - did not

...match any documents

http://www.google.com/search?as_q=&num=100&hl=en&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=marvelous+marty&as_oq=&as_eq=&lr=&as_ft=i&as_filetype=&as_qdr=all&as_nlo=&as_nhi=&as_occt=any&as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=democraticunderground.com&safe=off

[Zuni]

115. He was a DUer, named Marvelous_Smarty

Skinner found him
his e-mail was SpeedAddiction@_

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

137. He had only 200 posts when he was TS'd (in July, not Nov)

Searched and clicked on a thread at random - happened to be the one where he bit the dust. A fun read - oh, and he provides his phone # and address:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=2046413

[Zuni]

102. He ate food intended for Zoo animals in Prison!

We had turkey legs once that were supposed to be for zoo animals. But the worst incident was when the served us chicken wings that not only had feathers still on them, a few of the wings had little metal bands wrapped around them. We were pissed the first time they served us that shit. We made it known and complained to no end about it. A couple of weeks later we were served the same thing. We shut the prison down for five days by refusing to come out of our cells or standing for the 4PM stand-up count.

The food administrator was canned shortly after that.

He was replaced by a guy had been a supply sargeant in the Army. He loved to track down train wrecks, overturned trucks and stuff and buy the food off of them. He was getting real supermarket bound steaks for 10 cents apiece, buying these off of the insurance companies.
__________________
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist! ___ Verbal Kint

[Not_Giving_Up]

107. Turkey legs meant for zoo animals???

How are those different from turkey legs for human consumption?

I'm sure they were feeding them chicken with feathers and leg bands!

[Phillycat]

99. You know who this guy reminds me of?

The ninja guy. You know who I mean? "The purpose of ninjas is to flip out and kill people".

[Zuni]

100. That was his old tag line! Or something like it at least

I found that tag on a bunch of his old posts!

To: Guillermo
"I can't seem to keep my account over there for more than 7, 8 posts...

The last ban was because I dared suggested that many Euros were correct in questioning the sanity of Mohammedan immigration."

I got up to 2000+ posts as Marvelous Marty. But the post election meltdown on DU Nov. 3rd provided such a target rich enviroment I wound up outing myself.




39 posted on 12/10/2004 4:33:33 PM PST by speed_addiction (Ninja's last words, "Hey guys. Watch me just flip out on that big dude over there!")
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[warrens]

105. If I was his daughter, I'd wear running shoes to bed

These people have mental problems, and the more you read what they say about themselves, the more obvious their dysfunctions become.

[motely36]

106. I think this may be the guys homepage.

He says he was a ranger, plus the motercycles.

http://blugnu.superbikeclub.com/index.html

Warning, there is music on the page.

[Not_Giving_Up]

108. From this page....

I don't drink. I do not do drugs. Never have! Never will! I have never done a line of cocaine or taken a hit off of a joint. Over the course of my life I have had, at the very most, six beers total.

So, he ran drugs, but never did them?

[Zuni]

I think so too

this guy is definetly the one!

Look at his Photos page

[MercutioATC]

118. Did you catch the pic of his "art"? (tied-up woman being molested)

Nice guy...

[DeaconBlues]

125. Is this the picture you are talking about?

Good God! Was he thinking about Funbags when he drew this one?

[DeaconBlues]

127. Excuse me - I meant "Fun Bubbles" n/t

[MercutioATC]

132. That's the one.

I'm all for eroticism...and bondage isn't a bad thing between willing parties (I'm no prude)...but the woman in the "art" doesn't look really happy about being tied up...

[Zuni]

135. I would argue that this is evidence of a serious problem

The fact that the woman is in bondage and has a ligature around her neck while is clearly distressed at the molestations shows a rather aberrant fantasy on the part of the artist

[Zuni]

134. I caught that too...reminds me of something a serial killer might draw

we all know what Ted Bundy's political leanings were....

[livinginphotographs]

112. Of course it does.

Every crappy vanity webpage has to have shitty MIDI music in the background which you can't turn off. That's what makes it the most obnoxious.

[Zuni]

114. what is the music? I am at work and can't listen

I hope it is 'Eye of the Tiger'.

[livinginphotographs]

116. Unfortunately, no.

It's some MIDI file of some crap-ass mainstream hip hop crap (probably Nelly or something similarly untalented).

I don't listen to mainstream hip hop, so I don't recognize it. I wonder if he takes requests.

[livinginphotographs]

122. Stacey Lynn top fitness model wrote me twice a month while I was in prison

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[DrWeird]

109. Prison and Tae kwon do.

speed_addiction


Toolong, I know how that is. When you are in prison, especially when you are getting short, you have all these great dreams. You will get a great job, land a gorgeous loving woman, the world will be yours. The fantasy life runs head on into real life. Fantasy life does not stand a chance and gets creamed.

I was there. At the end of my rope. But I had been without my two biggest parts of who I am for two long. Riding motorcycles and taekwondo. These two things I am passionate about, love them and never want to be without them again. It is that that has kept me straight.

__________________
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist! ___ Verbal Kint

Same guy, only know at some place called prisontalk dot com.

[jeff30997]

113. Toolong ?

Is this some kind of tea ?

[skygazer]

128. Kept him straight?

So he's not gettin' any in prison?

[Blue_Tires]

111. Fantasy can be so healing.

i'd LOVE to hear more about the shootout in Mexico...this freep should be a hollywood screenwriter!

and SO many interesting travels with so many charming people!!! Who is he? forrest Gump or Lemuel Gulliver??

[Z_I_Peevey]

117. You just know Stephen Seagal is on the phone right now

trying to buy the rights to this guy's life story.

[Kire]

119. I bet he subscribes to "The Family Touch" magazine

that guy is an incestuous pervert

[Arkana]

121. Action Hero Freepers

Spare me. These guys are nothing but fat delusional dumbasses who sit and masturbate in their parents' basements all day.

[AntiCoup2K4]

124. And in further Freeper revelations....

He's also claimed he was at the Rod Stewart concert in the 70's where Rod sucked off about 20 guys on stage and then had to have his stomach pumped after a semen overdose. And he was the guy who put the poodle in the microwave too.

Nah actually this jackass didn't say that. But a real life freepazoid did actually make such claims to me before. And he was a pedophile obsessed with big "fun bubbles" too. So maybe it really was him?

[skygazer]

129. This guy reminds me of a guy who picked me up hitchhiking once

I was 17 and hitching across country and I got picked up by this old man in an ancient Mack truck - didn't even have a sleeper and the passenger seat was a milk crate with a towel tossed over it.

The driver was about 142 years old, weighed maybe 92 pounds soaking wet with a rock in his pocket and wrinkled and wizened. He proceeded to regale me with stories about the fancy yacht he owned and all the wild parties he had on it and how he had an 18 year old supermodel girlfriend who'd come out on the yacht and do exotic sexual things with him (all of which led me to wonder why the hell he was driving this rotten old truck but I was too polite to ask).

Finally, he got around to asking me for a blow job which I declined. So he asked for a hand job which I also declined. At that point, he got pissed and told me "I could force you, you know."

I looked at him and laughed, told him I could break him in half and he let me off at the next rest stop. Cracked me up, though. Why not tell a story that is remotely believable?

[Arkana]

133. He was probably the zombie version of Anna Nicole's dead husband

That is disgusting, but also funny.

[rockydem]

130. Freepers make me want to puke

'Fun bubbles'?

[Madrone]

131. Daughter JAZZ - and her fun bubbles.

[Zuni]

136. Behold Fun Bubbles!!!!!!!

She looks nothing like Selma Hayak