Is promiscuity wrong?

[mark414]

Mods...this is not meant to be a sex thread, rather an open and honest discussion about the moral and other implications of a promiscuous lifestyle...but if you do choose to lock I understand.

i ask because, provided that both parties are consenting and both parties recognize it for what it is, is there anything wrong with being easy?

am i a dirty little boy or am i just caving to my natural instincts and desires?

edit: i suppose i should also say i'm asking because i feel torn about this...sometimes i feel ashamed like a dirty slut, but then i'm just like whatever dude i'm just gettin my rocks off...

[Jesus H. Christ]

1. No more than celibacy.

In fact, celibacy's unnatural.

Don't get me started on how perverted abstinence is.

[Deja Q]

5. But we're human, we're supposed to be better than animals...

Unless the topic is about making money, in which case it's all "human nature" and therefore not to be argued with. :eyes: Love them fundie freepies...

[ET Awful]

2. You are a dirty little boy . . .

Not that there's anything wrong with that :)

[progmom]

3. only, i think, if it makes you feel bad

That's my story, and I'm stickin to it.

[Phillycat]

4. There are so many ways to answer this question.

1. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner does not know you are sleeping around, it is wrong.

2. If both parties in a sexual relationship know that there's nothing to it but sex, and that is mutually agreed-upon BEFORE the sex, there is nothing wrong with having casual sex, even a lot of casual sex.

3. That said, there are lots of people of both sexes who use promiscuity to act out self-hatred and self-destructive tendencies. Obviously, for those people, promiscuity is very harmful.

So, it depends.

[Wapsie B]

8. But what if you're married

but not committed to that marriage? I could see that if you both loved each other but you were sneaking around behind her back. But what if you saw no future in your present relationship?

[Phillycat]

11. Be honest with your wife, seperate, and file for divorce.

Then sleep with anyone you want.

[Wapsie B]

15. True enough.

But I'm going to be honest with myself first. It's me I've been deceiving all these years.

[Phillycat]

36. You are hurting both of you in that case.

Have an honest talk with her and tell her you think she deserves better than a man who doesn't love her. And tell yourself you deserve better than a woman you don't love. Don't be a dick, let her keep most of the stuff and if there's kids, provide for them. Seems like the end of the world, but people do it every day.

[skygazer]

14. I've never understood this excuse for cheating on a spouse

If you're not committed or don't love your spouse, divorce him/her. But cheating on them is wrong and underhanded whether you love them or not.

[forgethell]

17. Get a divorce, or

work on your problems. Adultery is wrong, not because it is about sex, but because it is about lying and treachery.

x(

[Wapsie B]

53. And the Puritans in this country

think they've had no influence in this godless society. What a load of guilt they've piled upon us. To all those replies above calling for divorce, would you think ill of me if I were a woman stepping out?
Or would you have a rationale for a woman seeking sex elsewhere? If the statistics are to be believed women cheat nearly as much as men.

I guarantee that if I looked like this








it would matter not a bit. Women would overlook the infidelity.
Heck, I'd probably get hit on here and elsewhere. As it is though I'm looked on as a fat jerk.

[Lisa0825]

57. Actually yes, I'd feel the same whether a man or woman ''stepped out.''

IMO, if you are in a committed relationship, you are supposed to uphold your committment. Otherwise, just get out and move on.

[forgethell]

59. lies & betrayal

are equally bad in male & female. Is this too controversial??

[LynzM]

18. I agree that it really depends on the relationship

Ditto to Point #1 above.

Point #2, I'd say, if it's agreed upon in (or outside of) a relationship, and everyone is safe about disease/unwanted pregnancy, then whatever floats your boat. But, there are a lot of people who disagree with that....

[Jack_Dawson]

6. No...but beware

There are many STDs out there. And condoms don't protect against all of them.

[liontamer]

7. What do you hope to resolve with this thread

Do you want us to tell you you're okay, or do you want us to tell you're that you're a dirty little boy ? :shrug:

[mark414]

13. nothing really

just interested to hear other perspectives

i don't make any plans to change...

[OnionPatch]

9. I'm a social libertarian

I think.

Anyway, I always felt that what a person does with his or her own body, as long as they aren't willfully hurting someone else, is their own business. Each person must decide for themselves how and when they express their sexuality.

If someone chooses to be promiscuous, I think they do have a moral obligation to 1. Be careful about STD., pregnancy, etc. 2. Make sure they are not lying to their sex partners about their sex lives. In other words, be honest about it. Don't lie and say you're faithful if you're not.

[StopTheMorans]

10. as long as you're honest about your intentions and available, then no

[sniffa]

12. it's wrong for sLuts

but perfectLy acceptabLe - encouraged - for studs.

[liontamer]

16. lol

I hope slut and stud are gender neutral terms... otherwise I don't like where this is going

[mark414]

21. i think he was being sarcastic...

[liontamer]

22. yeah i figured

[sniffa]

23. it's how you take it

but basicaLLy, just making the gaziLLionth commentary on the standards that women are heLd to compared to men.

[LynzM]

24. No, I think Sniffa has a good point

Promiscuity in women is most often viewed as 'slutty', while in men, is often viewed with an 'atta boy!' kind of attitude. Not always, but often. There definitely does seem to be a double standard there.

[sniffa]

37. gracias

that was the point of my post. ;)

[LynzM]

48. NP

I've definitely had this discussion before, and I think you're right. Especially in high school/college... ugh. :eyes:

[mark414]

20. haha

but sadly, true

i am guilty of that myself...i'm perfectly okay with myself sleeping around but am sometimes taken aback when a woman does the same thing...incredibly sexist i know and i try to knock those thoughts out my head...but it's hard to get those socially ingrained prejudices out of your head

[liontamer]

26. people like you shouldn't be promiscuous

if you automatically lose respect for your consenting partner, maybe you should step back and consider what your feelings say about you

[mark414]

29. no not like that

not my consenting partner, the thought doesn't even cross my mind at that point

my feelings say that i grew up in a society that places a terrible double standard on men and women when it comes to sex and i am trying as hard as i can to get that double standard out of my head

it's like growing up with any prejudice, no matter how slight, once you realize how dumb that prejudice is, it's hard to get it out of your head but i'm trying really hard because that double standard shouldn't exist

everytime i DO get that thought, i follow it up with a "don't be such a chauvinist prick"

and it's working, and slowly but surely i am freeing myself of my ingrained prejudices and sexist attitudes

[liontamer]

32. i think maybe you should get the double standard out of your head first

[mark414]

35. no need to get holier than thou

no one, i don't care who you are, is completely free of bias or prejudice

i recognize my prejudice and i work actively to rid myself of it, but i know that with any prejudice, sexist racist whatever, it is nearly impossible to completely rid yourself of something that is ingrained in your head

shit i think women should run this country because we'd probably be a whole lot better off, and at the least it should be a federal law that no man can make more money than a woman if they hold the same position

[skygazer]

27. Which brings to mind the question

What do you think of the women you're sleeping around with? If you're taken aback when a woman does the same thing, then are you taken aback by the women who are sleeping with you? If so, then you're compounding something you don't approve of by sleeping with them. And you're sleeping with people you don't approve of which says something really disturbing about you.

[mark414]

30. please see #29

[skygazer]

40. That only compounds the inanity of the whole thing

You don't have problems with your consenting partner sleeping around (presumably because they've agreed to sleep with you).

You still have the niggling thought however that women shouldn't be like that though you try to push the thought away with the realization that it's terribly sexist.

You need to come to terms with what your opinion is on the roles of women before you go out and live your promiscuous lifestyle. If you're still agonizing over it and having to remind yourself that it's okay for a woman to have sex if she wants, you're not mature enough to be promiscuous.

[mark414]

41. it's not something i agonize over

but NO ONE is completely free of bias or prejudice, and to say otherwise is ridiculous

i think this is a matter of misunderstanding and taking things out of context...

[buddhamama]

25. brilliant-

and oh so true. :thumbsup:

[the Princess]

44. OK but just who is the stud having sex with??

Um would that be the slut????????

LMAO

[Laelth]

19. Sex is good.

I know too many people who'd be a lot happier if they were getting some on a regular basis.

In fact, I think that a lot of Republicans need to either (a) come out of the closet or (b), if they're straight, just get some every now and then. If they did, I think we'd all be a lot happier and safer. Perhaps they might ease off on trying to f*** all the Muslims in the world (when, in fact, they're actually attracted to other men and secretly loathe themselves for it).

-Laelth

[SmokingJacket]

28. Not if you don't hurt anyone.

Including yourself.

[redqueen]

31. Not necessarily.

However, there is something to be said re: quantity vs. quality.

[mark414]

33. ahh yes

well put

[SarahB]

52. I agree.

I would rather be with one person who knew my body, accepted me for my erotic tastes without criticism, and really enjoyed making love with me than a thousand men. I intimately have known men who have been with many women, yet were unable to have the kind of emotional connection that allows for sex to truly be something that transcends merely the physical. I enjoy things immensely and I'm far from uptight, but variety isn't my thing personally.

For those who do like a bit more variety, there's nothing "wrong" with it per say, just make sure you do public health a favor by protecting yourselves the best you can.

[GRLMGC]

34. It depends

I personally would not want to sleep w/ a man who's slept with too many women but he could obviously get it somewhere else. In terms of women, there are some girls, people I know, who sleep around to get people to like them. That's obviously unhealthy. However, if a woman is doing it for herself, then I don't see the problem.

[WI_DEM]

38. Right this isn't a sex thread.

[Magrittes Pipe]

39. It's not wrong, it's not right. It just is.

Sex, like almost everything, is what one makes of it. As long as there's no abuse or deception involved, there's no problem with it at all.

After all, it is our instinct.

[the Princess]

42. There is nothing wrong with being promiscuous

Not at all. Sex if good and fun and meant to be enjoyed. As long as you take adequate protection - have fun.

I am tired of sex being seen as dirty. It's a rediculous idea brought about by the Church.

Being promiscuous in or out of a marriage is up to the idividuals involved and no one should judge another.

[Phillycat]

45. Look, I don't like you and you don't like me...

but will you PLEASE take some meant-as-friendly information and spell "ridiculous" properly? You use the word all the time and it's always spelled wrong. Fingernails on a blackboard.

[sniffa]

46. she's not gonna be abLe to

read your request since you're on ignore. ;)

[Phillycat]

47. Ah! I knew hubby had me on ignore, but she replied to me Friday

I didn't realize I had upgraded. :)

[sniffa]

49. reaLLy? i was just kidding

about that ignore stuff.

[the Princess]

51. I don't have anybody on ignore.

In case it matters to anyone. :)

[the Princess]

50. You may not like me but

But I have nothing against you.

And as for my spelling - I'm dyslexic - thanks for the thought.

[Lisa0825]

43. as long as no one is being hurt or deceived, including oneself.

I know people who have been promiscuous for lots of wrong reasons, such as low self-esteem... trying to get affection any way they can, etc. In those cases, regardless of whether anyone is cheating on anyone or lying to anyone, it's still harmful psychologically.

I used to be a pretty reserved person. I had only been with two guys before I got together with my ex-husband, and was faithful to him for almost 10 years. But I have been single most of the last 8 years now, and one of the things I really HATE about being single is not having someone to sleep with anytime I want to. So, even if the numbers only averaged to a couple of encounters a year, over the years of being single, the number gets higher, and most people DO still judge women for that. I feel like it is my choice that I make... if I am not in a relationship, and I meet someone I want to have sex with, and we're both single, and honest about what is to be/not be expected, and we're careful, then I think it's basically harmless... and a lot more fun than taking care of it on my own.

[TrogL]

54. if you keep throwing the dice

One of these days they'll turn up snake-eyes.

All that money spent training you up down the drain. Kind of a waste of medical resources as well.

Other than that, I'd say go fsck your brains out.

[redqueen]

58. What do you mean by this? The 'snake-eyes' thing?

:shrug:

[Wat_Tyler]

55. Nothing is 'wrong'.

I don't operate by that kind of moralist mindset.

[thedailyshow]

56. no, it's not wrong