What is the worst thing a family member has done to you for which...

[Maddy McCall]

you have forgiven him or her?

Has a family member done anything to you for which you could not forgive him or her? How does it affect holiday gatherings?

[Bethany Rockafella]

1. My niece voted for GWB..

I still haven't forgiven her.

[huskerlaw]

2. My whole dang family voted for *

We had Christmas early, and yes, there was a fight. We were playing Trivial Pursuit and, I kid you not, there were like three questions about Bill Clinton...or more specifically Monica-gate. They called him a liar. I called * a murderer...and the downward spiral began.

[jonnyblitz]

10. I hold THAT against both my parents, ESPECIALLY my mother

who is pro-choice and pro-gay. My dad is a freeper so I expected him to. I never let them forget it either when I DO talk to them. I guess I need to get over it. :shrug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

3. My mom....

threatened to kill me last year. I mean seriously...drive to my house with a gun and kill me.

We're a little...shall we say....volatile. It's good that we live 200 miles apart.

She came up for Thanksgiving this year for the first time since the fight. It was awkward at first, but I did my best.

Were in the process of patching things up. My brother on the other hand, missed my wedding. We no longer speak. Fucked, huh?

FSC

[Maddy McCall]

4. My brother...

pulled a gun on my 10-yr-old son a couple of weeks ago. Cocked it and pointed at him.

I can't forgive him--we haven't spoken since, and I have no desire to speak to him. It's going to throw a monkey wrench in the cogs of family get-togethers this Christmas, and I don't know how to deal with it.

[fudge stripe cookays]

9. Holy shit!

Sounds like your family and my family should go bowling.

Many more stories on my side, and I'm sure you have a few more too.

Aaaaahh dysfunctionality. Sorry I'm not much help with your sitch. I can empathize though. I hate confrontation, but I've had it with these two of mine as well. He's an antisocial asshole, and she's just nuts.

FSC

[Maddy McCall]

15. Mine is mentally ill--

I've always been compassionate to him. However, this one I couldn't let go.

He seems to have no desire to patch things up. I don't know his diagnosis, because he refuses to tell his family members, but I would guess that it's an antisocial disorder. I don't know what the disorder is called in which a person completely lacks empathy, but that is my brother. Do you know what the disorder is called?

[fudge stripe cookays]

21. I would say he's a sociopath...

but I was not a psychology major, and too tired to do a google lookup right now.

Google can be your very best friend. I find EVERYTHING there.

My mom has problems too. I know she has obsessive compulsive disorder, which made me feel so much better when she told me. All those years I just thought it was me!

FSC

[Chalco]

36. Psychopath

jail is full of them. Please be careful. This is not a good situation.

[elehhhhna]

54. Stay away from him . Your 10 year old should not be in his presence,

nor should the rest of your loved ones. Period.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

78. OMG, Maddy! Have you and your son talked about it? I hope he's OK!

Poor thing!

[bettyellen]

85. yep pyschopath -- stay away!!

[Der Blaue Engel]

63. Actually, I wouldn't bother with the question of forgiveness

I'd be calling the cops. He committed a crime, and one that does not bode well for the future.

Yikes.

[the Princess]

71. I think you are doing the right thing

Stay away - there is no excuse for what he did.

[Blue Gardener]

75. How has your son handled it?

That had to be a pretty scary thing for a ten year old. Just keep him away from your brother, that guy sounds like he needs some serious help before he hurts someone.

[frictionlessO]

25. ahh geeze that truly sucks... I guess my family infighting

pales in comparison...

Hope things heal over for you.
I know I dont know you but you deserve a :hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

30. Thanks, f'less.

That's very sweet. I'm used to it after 20 something years. It's my husband that is just shocked to the bone every time he has to see this crap.

Muchas gracias!
FSC

[Bertha Venation]

69. holy crap

damn :hug:

Sometimes I'm glad I don't really have parents, FSC.

[fudge stripe cookays]

76. Thanks Bert.

I still love my mom, but she is a control freak. My whole life after my dad died, she used money (or my lack of it) to control me. I couldn't finally move out and make it on my own completely until I was 26.

And when I went back to school, finally finished, and got my own life without her holding the reins, it made her mental. Knowing she couldn't tell me what to do anymore because I had control at last has been extremely difficult for her.

I'm used to it. But I know reprehensor is still saying, "DAAYYYUM!" sometimes when he sees us go at it. We really are much safer being several hundred miles away. This last time was the topper above all the other confrontations and arguments we'd ever had before.

FSC

[Debi]

5. Did all the right things..

I grew up with my parents married (still and happily) - with one older brother - mom stayed home until I was in school - and made us eat our vegatables - they loved us (and still do - and tell us). We're the kind of family people wish they had...

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIFE FILLED WITH ANGST WHEN IT'S ALL WONDERFUL????

Damn them.

[Cuban_Liberal]

6. Isn't it hell?

My family's messed up in exactly that same way.

;)

[Carson]

39. Mine too. Boringly idyllic. (Thank you, God!)

My heart goes out to the posters on this thread.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[CornField]

7. Extremely shitty

After having lost three children (one in each trimester), we were awaiting the birth of our daughter Samantha. I had asked for absolutely no gifts until after she had arrived safely. Of course, my sister-in-law could not abide by my wishes and sent a card and gift early. The inscription on the card read: "We are just so happy you decided not to kill this one."

My first loss was due to neural tube defects - anencephaly being the worst. I had decided to terminate the pregnancy, but when I arrived that day, my son had already died. Still, my sister-in-law considers me a murderer... and has never let me forget it.

No, I have not forgiven her.

[Midlodemocrat]

11. She doesn't deserve to be forgiven.

My SIL sent me hate mail after her mother died, all because I suggested...are you sitting down? that since her mother didn't know many people, perhaps we should confine the wake to either the morning of the funeral or one night. A grand total of 8 people showed up including my husband and me. My brothers drove up from NYC so there would be some bodies at the church. The hate mail started and hasn't really stopped. She has accused me (and us) of terrible, terrible things. I have no intention of forgiving her, or forgetting what she said.

[fudge stripe cookays]

12. OMG!!!!!!!!

Don't you ever forgive her. If you do I'll kick your butt myself.

That kind of cruelty is absolutely, unbelievably inexcusable. Your sister-in-law sounds like some sort of monster. How could someone even consider putting that in a card? For God's sake!

You have my utmost sympathy for the loss of your precious little ones too.

Some times I really hate people.
FSC

[kittycat1164]

13. OMG I have never heard anything so cold

and heartless in my life. I am sitting here with my jaw on the floor. Jeeezus! My heart goes out to you and your troubles with pregnancies. Wow, I hope you have dear friends to make up for the family you obviously can't choose. What the fuck was she thinkin??? And I *rarely* cuss online.

:hug:

[bleedingheart]

14. that is just horrid

I wouldn't forgive her for that...

[Maddy McCall]

16. What a bitch.

She'll get ten times what she has given. Rest assured.

[TheCentepedeShoes]

17. I was going to post a story

but anything in my own life pales in comparison. I've never heard of anything so heartless. Hugs to you and your family.

[cally]

23. I hope you have absolutely no contact

with your SIL. She is horrid. I'm so sorry for all your miscarriages. I just don't know how folks like you recover from these losses. You are heroic.

[CatBoreal]

24. Hugs...

...didn't know about *THAT* incident.

:hug:

[frictionlessO]

26. that is holy hell fucked up and twisted, if anyone I knew did

that to anyone else I knew and loved there would be severe consequences.

Sorry for your loss...

[donheld]

27. Your story is just the end

I wouldn't get near that woman again. Otherwise i might go postal on her.

[Mad_Dem_X]

35. Holy sh*t!

If my sister ever did that to me, I would call her up and give her an earful. What a horrible thing to do!

[Southpaw Bookworm]

46. Where does she live?

So I can drive over and beat the ever-loving shit out of her on your behalf, and break her stupid, hateful head open?

[2bfree]

49. Evil Bitch................

That is horrible, I wouldn't be forgiving either.

[NoSheep]

52. And you shouldn't!

[elehhhhna]

55. she's sick. stay away.

[Debi]

58. My son has spina bifida...

stemming from a neural tube defect (the defect was just farther down on the spinal cord). I joined a support group after he was born and spent so much time talking with families who waited to tell people they were pregnant until after the AFP test was done to determine of spina bifida or anecephaly were present. I don't blame them.

I chose to not have any more children (and didn't do the AFP so didn't know about the spina bifida until my son's birth). But if I had become pregnant I would have waited as well. An anecephalic child dies as soon as it is born, and with spina bifida children it can take a lifetime to know all the levels of disability (I know we're still discovering!)

You did the right thing for you and your baby and your loved ones. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE!!

You are in our families prayers.

[gollygee]

64. Oh My God

Wow. I would have gotten violent. And I'm not usually violent at all.

:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

68. What a cunt. Had to use the word. It's the only one that fits. n/t

[Blue Gardener]

72. Wow

She sounds like a real bitch. She would be out of my life forever. You just don't need those kind of people in your life.

[the Princess]

73. It's none of her friggin business

Oh my god what a bitch!

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

79. Cornfield...WTF! How completely cruel and insensitive of that, I won't

even call the SIL a woman. Good L-rd! I'm so very sorry for your losses. :(

[bettyellen]

86. oh corny how awful this is the worst....

do not forgive her... if she ever brings it up again i would say."you know, i have allowed you to tell me your opinion sereval times and i don't need or want to ever hear it again. "

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

90. LADIES & GENTLEMEN, THIS IS RADICAL CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISM IN A NUTSHELL

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[redqueen]

8. Ooooh

I should just stay away from this thread.

[sandnsea]

18. Whoa, my family is delightful

Apparently. The worst my mom has done is suggest my husband wasn't telling the truth, when she just didn't have all the facts. I didn't speak to her for a year over that. I think maybe I need to be nicer. I am so so sorry so many of you have such difficulties with your families.

[Quetzal]

19. When I was five years old, my 17 year old brother convinced me to

touch a hot iron.

Wasn't a pretty sight - he was psychologically disturbed at the time and took advantage of my innocence. We are now on very good terms and he is doing a lot better now. He just got his degree in Electrical Engineering.

[MadHound]

20. Come after me with a shotgun and a tape recorder, twice

Father was a manic deppressive, and after I moved out he was seriously pissed, he had nobody to kick around anymore. Came out to my place with a shotgun and a tape recorder in order to provoke me into a fight, shoot me in "self defense", and have everything on tape in order to clear himself in court. Tried this trick twice, luckily both times I got timely warnings from my Mom, first time I simply hid and didn't answer the door, next time I simply left.

My father and I came to a good reconcilliation about ten years before he died. He had started getting treatment for his mental illness, and had his first heart attack. Nothing like a taste of one's own mortality to change a person's mind. We actually got along well for the last ten years he was here, talked a lot, forgave each other for previous transgressions, and had some good laughs.

But for me as a teenager, growing up with a manic depressive was a living hell.

[HEyHEY]

22. Well... it doesn't consume our relationship

But I can never forgive my sister for turning on me whan I was about 7. Her and I used to be best friends when we were kids. My little sister was born and suddenly my older sister would have nothing to do with me...then became progressivly cruel to me over the years.

[hippiechick]

28. 2 months after my mom died, dad told me his gf was moving in..

... and I had a week to find someplace to live, because she knew I didn't like her. I was barely 18, still grieving and generally had my head up my ass.

The gf was glomming onto my dad because her ex husband was an official in the same town with my dad, but he was too friggin' drunk and horny to realize it.

It lasted about 6 months and she bailed on his smelly ass.

I made peace with - but did NOT forgive - him about 12 years later, when he was being buried.


:hippie:

[NashVegas]

29. Brother - And I'm Still Trying

One of my brothers, 3 years older than I, apparently had some problem as a kid and lucky me drew the card to be his scapegoat.

From ages 6-16 all I heard from this guy, who went from being an adored big brother to a monster almost overnight, was: I fucked up everything; I couldn't do anything right; everyone hated me; I had no friends; I was sooooo ugly; I was a whore (and then later about how I wasn't getting any); our parents' divorce was my fault; I should just kill myself.

And that was when I wasn't being locked out of the house or used for kung-fu practice.

This went on for about 10 years. In my late teens and 20s, there was a truce. 10 years ago, he up and decided he wanted to be my brother again and I wigged out, avoided him like the plague.

I finally confronted him this past autumn. He apologized, said right out he'd been an asshole, but had no explanation when I wanted to know whatever gave him the notion that was an okay thing to do.

I've let him off the hook as far as my anger goes, but that's not exactly the same thing as forgiveness. When he can come up with a reason, it may change.

[fudge stripe cookays]

31. Sorry crisco.

My brother has a very similar sort of mentality. He could have been a great role model for me when my dad died (I was 13), but nope.

When I was younger, I was used for karate practice. Teens (13-15), he used to call me "Bertha Big Butt" and criticize just about everything I did. He was still resentful he'd had to change my diapers (12 year age difference).

It wasn't until 1998 when we both had e-mail that we started re-connecting as adults. Then he decided it would be OK if he missed my wedding. That was the final straw for me dealing with a completely self-involved, anti-social personality.

Sorry about your brother.
FSC

[NashVegas]

34. Sounds Like You Know How It Goes

not worth angsting too much over anymore. On the upside, it's given me a very thick skin. Instead of letting abusive people get to me, I blow 'em off.

[Patiod]

43. We used to say about a thin-skinned friend:

"she obviously didn't have any older siblings to beat up on her".

It's hateful, but on the upside, it does toughen you up a bit for the real world.

Although I've found as an adult that few people want to hold me down and tickle me until I can no longer breathe. Which is a good thing about being an adult.

[the Princess]

74. Not when it's repeatedly done

and you are hurt physically over and over again and abused verablly for years. There is such a thing as "Sibling Abuse" and finally some Doctors are starting to take this seriously as a sibling who abuses you can be as devistating as an adult who abuses you.

[noonwitch]

40. I can totally relate to your story

I have an older brother who did some pretty terrible things to me when we were kids-he's a little less than 2 years older than me. He beat me up, said horrible things to me, accused me of everything from masturbating with frozen hot dogs to using too much toilet paper and hot water, told me I might as well kill myself, etc. There's worse things I don't want to mention.

We also did some fun things together, that kind of balances it all out. We used to light off illegal firecrackers (my dad bought them for us in Ohio and hid them in a spot my mom didn't know about). We'd rummage through my dad's box of army medals and mementos from Korea, because he had some cool stuff. We even raided dad's bar together as college students, and joined together to pick on my sister's abusive high school boyfriend.

I've forgiven him and don't really blame him anymore. My parents were completely irresponsible about day care, and decided we were old enough to be left alone all day when he was 10, and my mom put him in charge of me and my sister. I've forgiven my dad, mostly because he asked me to and owned up to his mistakes without manipulative tears, when he stopped drinking. My mom denies any responsibility at all (even though it was all her decision), and although I'm not openly angry with her, I refuse to listen to her tearful responses and the way she blames everything on my dad(they got divorced around when I graduated from college)because he drank. "He left me no other options".

I actually feel bad for my brother, these days. He's really screwed up in some ways, and is lucky to have a really good wife who has helped him deal with this. He has a secret fear of becoming a sociopath, because of the things he did as a kid. He finds excuses not to be around me because it reminds him of those things, and as a good father now, it's just too much for him to live with sometimes.

[NashVegas]

47. Frozen ....

eeeeeewwwwww! That's one sick mind.

Sad how siblings can rip each other apart like that.

[TufNeck]

32. My mother had bipolar, still does

When I was 6 she left me at an airport. Anyway I was taken away and I lived in foster homes most of my life. We talk and I visit but it all real weird. I love her but it's hard to get over the past.

[skygazer]

33. Well, my dad essentially abandoned me

When my mom died. I was 14. I've forgiven him. But that pales in comparison to what I've read here. I could not forgive a brother who pulled a loaded gun on a 10 year old. That gives me goose bumps just thinking about it.

[China_cat]

37. One sister

who once called the cops on me and told them that I had pot. (They never found anything) And then after my youngest was born told everybody that I was putting him up for adoption. No, that's being nice. She told people that he was up for sale.

I think I've forgiven her for that, but I will never, ever trust her again and will stay as far away from her as possible.

[midnight armadillo]

38. My mother is impossible to deal with

I am convinced my mother has a narcissistic personality disorder. Growing up with her was full of verbal & emotional abuse, when I wasn't being ignored in favor of my older brother & younger sister. When my father died when I was 16 I pretty much made myself forget all that, which worked, for a little while. Sometime last year she told my wife what beautiful babies my brother & sister were, and how I was "rugged". WTF?! After my son was born in Sept 2003 she became extremely abusive in her actions, with unbelievable insults and rages - anyone who's known a narcissistic knows the rage I mean. I cut her off last May out of self-defense. How do you deal with someone who keeps accusing you of trying to kill her by inducing a heart attack? Or who insists you be completely dependent on her?

My family blamed me and thinks I'm just being difficult... Now she keeps sending me these awful, manipulative emails, begging me to talk to her, to go to therapy with her (ha! no point while she's this fucked up), and most of all to repeatedly blame me for her health problems. I don't need this in my life - I could forgive her but I just cannot deal with her unless she really makes a 180 degree turn in her personality.

Ah, family. Fortunately my in-laws have been 100% wonderful with our son and insist on seeing him at least once a week since they're just head over heels in love with him.

[Z_I_Peevey]

45. Come over here and sit by me....

I have a feeling we could swap some stories.

My mother and yours share quite a few characteristics. I once didn't speak to her for three years, then very reluctantly let her back into my life for the sake of the grandchildren. It was a mistake.

These days, we are completely estranged and I intend to keep it that way. She is a dangerous woman.

(The comment about the rages? Yep, I understand.)

[midnight armadillo]

57. Thank you!

Ah, you made my day. Being on the end of a narcissistic rage is an indescribable misery - especially since she saved them for us kids and my father. My other relatives just don't understand what I mean - they want to help get things back to normal, but there isn't really a 'normal' to get back to, just a spiral that'll suck me in and ruin me.

I hear you loud and clear about letting her back in.

[BigMcLargehuge]

41. Evicted my family from my dad's childhood home

I've forgiven them, but I still don't like them.

[Patiod]

42. Wow, mine is kind of benign

After reading some of the other stories, this is just not in that league.

When I was 16, my dad said "let's go look for a car for you", and we went out for the day, looking at these amazing little used convertibles - Spiders, MGs, great little used cars - all pretty affordable at the time.

I get home, and they had invited 8 or so of my girlfriends over for a "sweet sixteen" (soda and cake in our rec room). I asked about the car later, and my dad said "that was an excuse to get you out of the house. We would never buy you a car."

It's not that I expected a car, but to spend hours looking at them, with the honest thought that maybe they were within reach -- what exactly were they thinking? Couldn't we have gone out looking for an azalea for my mother for Easter or something?

[JimmyJazz]

44. I have a cousin who was cheating on and beating on his

girlfriend. It's a long story, but since he didn't know where I lived, she would come stay with me - I tried not to have her go back to him, but she "loved him."

Anyway, in an effort to discredit me in case I ever told our family what he was doing, he told everyone in my family that I slept around.

Holiday gatherings were rough for a while, but I forgave him for it. We have children who are the same age and actually manage to get the girls together on occassion.

The girlfriend finally left him, too.

As for the second part, I have never not forgiven someone. Holding a grudge is a horrible way to live and it doesn't matter whether or not they even ask for forgiveness.

[Chalco]

48. I confronted my mother with how I felt about her abuse of me

(I don't want to describe it, too painful) after learning that she was terminally ill. I got no response. When I arrived at her deathbed she was in a virtual coma. She opened her eyes and said "I'm sorry for how much I hurt you." I said "It's ok. I'm ok now. I have a wonderful husband, we have a wonderful child and we have a beautiful life together. Everything's ok." She died a few minutes later. Both of us at peace.

I am so glad I confronted her; I am so glad she apoligized; and, I am so glad I forgave her.

[Phillycat]

50. Huh, weird response on this thread.

The woman whose sister sent her the "glad you're not killing this one" card (which is truly horrible, of course) got a million responses, but the woman whose brother POINTED A GUN AT HER 10 YEAR OLD SON got, like, one. That was the one that freaked me out the most.

Just an observation...

[midnight armadillo]

56. It's in the nature of the offense

Pointing a gun is a physical threat, which can be ended by removing yourself from the situation. The 'not killing this baby' post was about an emotional assault, hitting the person where they were most vulnerable. These are also harder to defend yourself against and harder to explain to others.

[gollygee]

65. I identified with the evil sister-in-law more

as I have an evil sister-in-law too.

Both are terrible and there isn't a competition. I just identified with the one more.

I feel awful for so many people in this thread who have dealt with terrible situations.

[Nadienne]

51. One of my sisters was the manager of the office where I worked.

I can understand and forgive: she didn't want the boss to accuse her of not being objective. After working there five years, I was paid $8.50/hr. I started at $6.50. When the boss was talking about retiring, he planned to hand me over (and yes, that's pretty accurate terminology) to someone else who was running a business out of our building. He thought I was making over $12/hr!!!

My sister was of the opinion that an employer is the hand that feeds you. I think I may have chiselled away at the resolve of that opinion. :)

[proud2BlibKansan]

53. My sister charged us to come eat Thanksgiving dinner

at her house. I asked what I could bring and she said oh just pay me and I will take care of everything.

[Debi]

59. OMG...

I hope she was kidding.

My husband just had his family over for Christmas and when they offered to bring stuff we just said no, we'd take care of it.

His brother called back and asked if it was okay if his daughter brought her boyfriend and we said of course. When they got to our house we said that the family was free to eat what they wanted but we'd have to charge for the boyfriend...we were joking, of course.

:crazy:

[proud2BlibKansan]

77. No, not kidding

It's not as bad as some of these stories of siblings pointing guns at each other, but it was still pretty infuriating.

[Coventina]

60. My cousin pulled a gun on me.

But I've forgiven him for that, he was a mixed-up kid at the time.

The person I'm having difficulty forgiving is his father, who blew the incident off and blames ME for it.
This was more than 20 years ago now.
I guess I'm still angry.

[Ganja Ninja]

61. My Father ...

When I was in high school I had a staff infection on my arm. It started out like a small pimple. Over a period of about 8 to 10 weeks it got worse and worse and finally circled my arm below the elbow in a nasty puss filled band about 4 inches wide. The whole time he kept blaming me and accusing me of picking at it and not letting it heal.

It was becoming serious and painful. One day in school I was so weak that I couldn't stay awake in class. The teacher sent me to the office and the counselor took me in his office. I was wearing a bandage at the time and I took it off and showed it to him and explained that my father refused to take me to a doctor. He wrote a letter saying that I would not be allowed back in school until I had a doctors permission and told me to go home. I called my mother and told her what was happening and said that I wouldn't go home until she took me to a doctor.

That afternoon she took me to a doctor but not without an argument. When the doctor looked at it he told us that I would need to start antibiotics immediately and if it didn't respond right away they might have to amputate.

After that he sent me out of the room and I could hear him shouting at my mother "What the hell is going on?"

Fortunately it began to heal right away and I have no scar from it.

I've since become estranged from my family for this and other reasons I won't go into. I haven't written or spoken to them in years. My father died last July and I didn't attend his funeral.

[Chalco]

62. Wow, I'm sorry. You were very lucky.

[graywarrior]

66. Jeeze, what an uplifting thread. We all need group therapy.

I recognize some of the pain here. Biggest bad thing my family did was convince me I was not adopted.

[Patiod]

88. I hear you. Fortunately I AM adopted

and I can look around at my crazy family and think "well, at least it's not genetic"....

[Bertha Venation]

67. Seriously? Okay, here goes.

My father left my mother when I was two (my sisters, four and five). He claims his father-in-law threatened to kill him if he tried to take us away from our mother, and that is why he never tried. It would have amounted to a rescue from the very depths of hell.

My mother committed suicide.

They're both forgiven.

Holiday: when I still lived in CA, I'd see my dad at Christmas for 5-10 minutes, when he stopped by my sisters' house to deliver gifts. Those meetings were strained because we have always, always -- him and my sisters, all of us -- been ill at ease with each other. Now, I don't see him at all.

[the Princess]

70. Oh lets see now

An Uncle molestedme whne I was 7.
My fatehr was verbally- emotionally and physically abusive
My mother was verbally abusive
My sister used to beat me up on a regular basis

And I want nothing to do with any of them.

So Christmas is non-existant in our house.

[Placebo]

80. GAWD, this thread is DEPRESSING!

:(

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

82. Placebo, was thinking the same thing. I mean, it can be looked at as

therapeutic in a way. On the other hand, it's like, 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!" (sarcastic tone). Not making light of anyone's situations here.

[Placebo]

84. Bingo...

my thoughts exactly. :(

[maveric]

81. Worst: My brother sold my hockey equip when I was moved to FLA.

Wow! I thought my family was fucked up but after reading some of these posts, we were out of a Norman Rockwell painting.
My heart goes out to all that have endured and survived such horrors.

[Jean Louise Finch]

83. My grandfather

My mom's dad has cut one of my cousins out of his life. This cousin (he's white) did the unthinkable -- fell in love and married a black woman, and had a beautiful, healthy, happy, brilliant little baby. My grandfather, all the while claiming he isn't a racist, has cut the group of them out completely: doesn't write, doesn't call, tosses out photos. He claims it isn't fair to his grandson because he'll have a tough life. He has convinced himself that my cousin is the one being selfish. I can't even begin to deal with that kind of hypocrisy. I haven't contacted them in 2 years.

Now another cousin just got married -- she got pregnant unexpectedly and they moved the wedding up...my grandfather skipped that wedding too, because he doesn't approve. He's just a dick. I can't forgive someone that judgmental (or hypocritical -- I won't even go IN to the backstory about his divorce from my then terminally ill grandmother).

[bettyellen]

87. my cousin claims i threatened to rape her, but I"M A WOMAN with no violent

history or lesbian tendencies and she just made up this story to weasel out of the only aplogy she had ever made- so she could again be "in the right" .
I had left a really angry message on her machine, i was sobbing- and i said "fuck you or your mother if you ever mess in my mother's business again". she claimed it was a threat to rape her and that she was very frightened i would physically hurt her that it was a serious rape threat... she didn't mention any concerns about her mom though. and she brought this up a few days later after she had already apologized. i guess it took her that long to cook up the story. it was just so out of the blue and based on nothing, i can barely kill bugs. these days she claims she never said any of it, that she never accused me of anything, because she realized it sounded so crazy.
her and her mom had been screwing around in life and death matters with my mom, who has alzheimers and was severely injured in a car accident (caused by you guessed it, my aunt.) i never blamed my aunt to my family, but my aunt had been pulling a lot of stuff, trying to get my mom's living will, power of attorney and regular will all changed without telling any of us. it was not amusing because we were at a point where my mom's mind was deteriorating and the process was very complicated and involved her new doctor alot, too.
my aunt had pretended to speak with mom's doctor (it was a desk nurse) and that the doctor recommened taking my mom off really essential meds (the nurses advice was to bring her in to the clinic immediately!!- but my aunt never said that to anyone) . she had lied to the nurse and made it sound like my mom was suddenly having severe memory loss (she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers for three years already) all because she read one young nutjob's letter to a health colum in the globe or enquirer- this guy thought blood pressure meds were screwing up his memory- so my aunt thought, well lets test the theory! and she lied to everyone to convince them to change the meds because she just felt like it. she never forgave me for finding my mother a really good doctor, she wanted to be the one to control what medications my mom took, depending on what crap she read that week.
my mom's doctor was the former president of the American Association of Geriatric Psychiatrists, and my aunt tried to convince my mom that he was worse than the slum clinic on the corner. because she wanted to be in control of everything.
she said she had more right than me and my siblings becasue she knew my mom longer.
she also tried to convince my brothers a lot of horrible things about me...strangely enough, things that were actually true about her. she was trying to get my brothers and i to fight so she could step in and take over.
my mom almost died in the hospital this summer, and i had to sign the do not resusitate order, i was petrified that she would come in and contest it and call me a murderer. but she was busy, she didn't even know my mom was in the hospital and my brother eventually found the living will. both of them (cousin + her mom) believe in doing the stomach tube all sorts of life support, even when the person is visibly suffering and their mind is completetly gone, she wants her in a nursing home with a stomach tube and will do or say anything when the opportunity arises. so, no i don't trust them and will never forgive either of them. i am pleasant when i have to be and don't ever make plans to see them. i distrust them totally. if you don't do as they say, they try to totally discredit and break you. they could both actually give no less of fuck about my mom's well being. it's a sport to them. the sport of controlling everybody and always being right. they used to control what ever they could in my life, now i give them no time or opportunity. i blocked their e mails, screen the calls. screw them both. my cousin and i used to be closer than most sisters, but i was exhausted from always doing shit her way. i haven't missed her a single day and it's going on four years, i used to say maybe after my mom's past on, i could let it go. but i don't have room in my life for deliberately hateful controlling people. good riddance.

[henslee]

89. Lend thousands of dollars to business associates then fail to provide his

own family with medical care, dental care, money for education -- creating nothing but hardship for others who have to dig into their own lives to handle the situation. This is totally fucked up and I barely forgive this person.