Bumper Snickers (attempted Funnies)

[HawkerHurricane]

You nonconformists are all alike.

Eschew obfuscation.

Lottery: a tax on people who can’t do math.

Oh no, not another learning experience!

The truth is out there (but I’m stuck here)

I saw Elvis making crop circles.

If you were agoraphobic, you’d be home by now.

I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Assume nothing.

Death to all fanatics!

No good deed goes unpunished.

Mini-vans are tangible evidence of evil.

WWXD (what would Xena do?)

Deep down inside I’m really very shallow.

Drive carefully: 90% of all people are caused by accidents.

I have an ulterior motive for my hidden agenda.

The seminar on time travel will be held last week.

Just say NO to negativity.

Lord help me to be the person my cat thinks I am.

I’m Pro Lifejacket and I boat!

I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

Keep your rosaries off my ovaries.

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?

God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

If your born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

I was born fine the first time, thank you.

Last time we mixed religion and politics, people got burned at the stake.

To hell with the Baptists, I’m going to Disneyland.

A leading cause of stress is reality.

Vegetarians do it with relish (but they do wear a condiment.)

Panic now, avoid the rush.

Do you suffer from irony deficiency?

Bad cop! No donut!

Anyone who claims that God is on their side is dangerous as hell.

I have animal magnetism. When I go outside, squirrels stick to me.

[GOPisEvil]

1. I saw WWXD on a personalized license plate yesterday!

I wondered what it meant - now I know! :D

I've seen some of those - good chuckles, especially "Eschew Obfuscation"!

[kmla]

13. Eschew Obfuscation....

... is my scrolling screensaver.

Make people look in their dictionary as often as possible. That's my motto.

Either that, or "Keep your chlorine out of my gene pool!". One or the other. I'm very secure that one of those two sayings is my motto. I won't be swayed.

I dunno, though. What do you guys think? :D

[punpirate]

2. I see, Hawker, that you're avoiding...

... the excessively political ones, such as "Kick their ass, take their gas."

Very wise. No point in risking an ulcer over someone else's stupidity.

Cheers.

[HawkerHurricane]

3. I don't find that funny.

And I only included ones I found funny.

[Maeve]

4. A three-part sticker

Question Authority......Why?......Because I said so!

[Karenina]

5. I'm an analog girl in a digital world....

.

[scarlet_owl]

6. My favorite one is

In case of Rapture, can I have your car?

[ET Awful]

7. I was always partial to . . .

D.A.R.E. Drugs Are Really Expensive
and
Bosses are like diapers, full of shit and all over your ass

But that's just me :)

[Chovexani]

11. LOL at the bosses one

My new favorite, next to "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup".

Did I mention I'm a total dork? :) Times like this I wish I had a car, but BF doesn't want to give up his bike and I don't really think I want him to, hehe. We've had some fun times on it, like driving back and forth outside our friends' windows like Patsy and her boyfriend on Ab Fab...

[Cheswick2.0]

8. kick

kick

[Chovexani]

9. I have that WWXD

It's on a button on my backpack, and always gets questions. I even had a fellow Xena dork do the yiyiyi yell at me one time, it was funny. :)

Damn I miss that show. :(

[CO Liberal]

10. A Few of My Favorites

FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY (currently adorning my pickup)

JESUS LOVES YOU -
Everyone Else Thinks You're an Asshole

I'M NOT IMMATURE -
You Stinkybutt Poopypants!!

WHAT IF THE HOKEY POKEY
IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?

WHERE ARE WE GOING
AND WHY ARE WE IN THIS HANDBASKET?

And one I saw on a VW Jetta on Academy Blvd in very Fundamentalist Colorado Ssprings:

SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH LATELY -
I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY PRACTICING WITCHCRAFT
AND BECOMING A LESBIAN

[Chovexani]

12. ROFL

Focus on your own damn family, oh geez...I bet that gets you lots of friends out in Dobson land. :evilgrin: That last one I have on a button, since I don't have a car. The funny thing is in my case it's actually true (well half, I'm bi :P).

[Interrobang]

14. Yeah, I have that, too.

I always read it as a zeugma: *practicing* witchcraft and *practicing* becoming a lesbian. No one said I had to be *any good* at either of them! ;-)

[FloridaJudy]

15. I see that you're a Northern Sun subscriber, too

My four favorites:

"Isis! Isis! Ra! Ra! Ra!"

"Buckle up! It makes it harder for the Aliens to suck you out of your car"

"God: Protect me from your followers!"

"Only YOU can prevent Narcissism!"

[DoNotRefill]

16. Some other funnies:

Once you pull the pin from Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend.

Five days a week, my body is a temple. On the other two, it's an amusement park.

Eat the rich! The poor are tough and stringy!

God is my copilot, but Satan's my bombadier.

Honk once if you're Elvis. Honk twice if you're Jesus.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

guns don't kill people, Assholes with guns kill people.

We don't CARE how you do things up North!

That which does not kill me makes me stronger. That which does kill me makes me undead.

Feces occurs.

Reagan Youth: We Arm The World! (I'm not sure if this was meant as an anti-Reagan statement or if the person was serious...he was scary looking in a freeperish kind of way)

My son sold drugs to your honor student

My son knocked up your honor student

2+2=5 for moderately large values of 2

Relax, it's only ones and zeros.

The only problem with Baptists is they don't hold them under long enough.

If God hadn't meant for us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat.