Have you ever been attracted to someone's mind?

[Bouncy Ball]

Or their personality? Or both their mind and personality but NOT physically?

I have. I've known quite a few men that I found tremendously attractive personality-wise and intellectually, but did not find physically attractive.

It's really not an issue for me anymore (married for a long time) but how do you handle that? I mean, you obviously can't date them for fear of leading them on. Or do you? Or can you?

[serryjw]

1. attraction grows

My 12 year relationship was with a man perfectly described above.

[Bouncy Ball]

2. Yeah

I have a theory that physical attraction can grow from mental/emotional (personality) attraction even when the physical attraction is not there at first.

Never got a chance to test that theory, as I was attracted in all ways to the man I married.

But I still think it holds true.

[Droopy]

3. I've been attracted to women before because of their brains

When I was in college I had a professeor that was probably about 10 years older than me (I was 30) and would not be someone that you would consider conventionally attractive, but I thought she was sexy as hell because of what she could do with her mind. I'd love to have a chance at a woman like that.

[Bouncy Ball]

4. You're bringing back memories for me.

When I was an undergrad there was this history professor who taught the course that led up to the most recent American history. The course ended with Vietnam. Well this professor had been IN Vietnam. He was so incredibly knowledgeable and had such sexy mannerisms it drove all the girls in the class just out of their minds. He had to have been in his late 40s (this was the late 80s) or so, and so normally not a man we (18 year olds) would ever give a second glance to, but my GOD. He had a voice richer and deeper than any I'd heard, he seemed to know freaking EVERYTHING about American history. Funny, the more I listened to his lectures the more PHYSICALLY attractive he became to me, despite the fact that I would have never given him a second glance had I just seen him on the street.

I actually had dreams about him. They were bad. :evilgrin:

[Droopy]

8. Yup, you just never know

Those ordinary looking people that you see every day going about your business could be concealing a wonderful treasure.

[Bouncy Ball]

10. Yeah, that's most of the reason why I find

people just fascinating. Most people, anyway.

[fluffernutter]

5. oh totally! i think people get more or less attractive depending on

their personality/intelligence. definitely.

some people can start out looking great and then you get to know them and UGH. others you get to know them and they become completely attractive.

[Cobalt Violet]

13. To prove your point just look at Sean Hannity.

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww. If you can stand too. Nevermind don't.

[fluffernutter]

16. excellent example! that guy just seems like a puppet

some big cheesy grin with good teeth, and then he opens that mouth to speak, and you want to vomit immediately.

[Longgrain]

14. Me too!

I'm far more attracted to intelligence than am I to good looks...

[NNadir]

6. I have seen women who I thought were really attractive until they opened

their mouthes; and I've had it work quite the other way, women who I thought on first impression were just "so-so" who later became the sexiest things on the planet in my mind.

I will admit that I thought, on first seeing her, that my wife was sexy from across the room, but I really didn't go heads over heels for her until we spoke.

Always go with the mind. Unlike the looks, the mind lasts.

[Solly Mack]

7. I'm not physically attracted to those whose minds I don't find stimulating

Because if I'm not attracted to their mind, there's no way in hell I'm want them in my bed.

I can and do appreciate beauty in men and women....but if the mind isn't attractive to me, no amount of beauty makes a difference.

I guess I'm weird.

[Bouncy Ball]

9. Oh me too, completely.

I mean in the case of someone you DO find attractive mentally or personality wise, but wouldn't normally find attractive physically.

[Solly Mack]

21. I never know what physical type is going to attract me.

I'm telling ya, I'm weird. :)

[iconoclastic cat]

11. For me, it's usually the mind that ends up being the deal breaker.

I have a low tolerance for petty, senseless BS.

[Bouncy Ball]

12. I'm trying to think

if I dated men who fell in all categories:

1. physically attractive and that's about it

2. physically attractive, good personality, maybe not so intelligent

3. physically attractive, smart, bad personality

4. smart, great personality, not so physically attractive.

I know there are other categories, but I have dated guys in categories 1 and 4 only. Bad personality turns me off faster than anything in the world.

[Kat45]

15. Yes. There was a man I knew when I was in college, and

he was intelligent, a real nice guy, an interesting man, fun to be with. He was about 9 years older than me, but that was ok. We were friends and we'd do things together a lot. Thing is, he was very interested in me and wanted to go out with me, but I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. There wasn't anything wrong with his looks--he wasn't ugly or overweight or whatever--but I just wasn't attracted to him. I liked him so much that I wished I was attracted to him, but that just wouldn't happen. I even went on a couple of dates with him, but nothing physical happened on them; I think he was able to sense that I wasn't into it at the time.

I felt really badly about all this, felt like I might have unintentionally been leading him on. From that moment on, I vowed that I would never go on a date with a man who I couldn't see myself having sex with at some point in time--because eventually, that's where dating would lead.

[Longgrain]

17. The stories I could tell you...

N/T

[fluffernutter]

23. sooo, do tell!

[Longgrain]

24. Maybe tommorow...

In the P.M. perhaps?

[Bouncy Ball]

19. Yep, yep, yep.

If I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self it woudl be to never accept a DATE-date with a man you cannot possibly see yourself being physically intimate with at some time in the future.

I did that a couple of times because I WAS attracted to them mentally and personality-wise, but not physically. It didn't end well.

[beam me up scottie]

Yes, I made the same decision and while I felt sort of shallow,

I knew from past experience that if I didn't feel any physical attraction to the man within two dates, I never would. I have tried over and over to make myself love the wonderful guys I have known, but I only ended up angry at myself for not being able to get past the chemistry and then resenting them for making me feel that way.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

18. If I love someone's mind and personality,

they become beautiful to me.

I don't have a physical type that invariably attracts me, but I definitely have an intellectual/emotional type that does.

[SarahB]

20. That's almost everything.

One needs a baseline sort of physical attraction to someone for a romantic relationship, but physical features are just bonuses. A person's mind and personality is where it starts and ends. If that's not to your liking, there's no point, no compromise.

[fluffernutter]

22. so are you asking what we'd do if we were really attracted to someone

solely because of their intelligence or personality ... say online or by mail or over the phone, etc., and then when we saw them and they weren't physically appealing to us?

That is an interesting question because I honestly think chemistry plays a BIG part in who I could personally BE with or be in love with.

There was once a guy that I thought I had a connection with - he was intelligent and thoughtful and liberal and open. We connected in every way UNTIL we were together in person. There was just *something* about the two of us together that was more like brother and sister than a couple, and neither one of us could take it to the next level. He wasn't even that unattractive, but the chemistry just wasn't there.

I have had boyfriends that aren't what others might consider hot or goodlooking but we had chemistry in ALL ways.

[Bouncy Ball]

25. Yeah.

Or maybe someone you've known for quite some time who just flies under your radar physically but you absolutely adore their mind and personality and you realize that you could be attracted to them JUST based on those things.

I'm honestly not speaking of myself currently. Just bored and thinking.

And if the shoe were on the other foot, would you be insulted, hurt, or not care? Is it necessary for a partner to find you physically attractive or not?

[fluffernutter]

28. I have friends like that. both male and female actually.

even though I am currently married and hetero ;) But their minds definitely make them attractive to me. Not that I'd act upon that at this point in my life though.

I do think I would want my partner to find me attractive ... however they find the attraction would be up to them, but I would want for it to be there.

How about you???

[Longgrain]

27. Thanks for sharing fluffernutter

:hug:

[barb162]

26. I stay friends with them hopefully. Three or four of my best

male friends are people who are intellectually and personality-wise great guys. Never dated any of them re no physical attraction.

[the Princess]

29. God yes

The first man I ever fell in love with had the most interesting mind I have ever known. And I was not physically attracted to him - but I was so attracted to his intellect.