My parents are idiots.

[SarahB]

When will I ever learn? I have all but cut them out of my life because of their various histories, but keep a limited contact for the children for holidays. Anyway, they are not really idiots, but highly educated people (mom's a RN, dad's an attorney, they're divorced but now friends).

Anyway, a few months ago, my youngest son (who is only 3) had a severe allergic reaction to nuts. After his allergy testing, it was clear that cashews were the culprit, but he is not allowed any nuts because of potential cross reactions. (Peanuts are fine though, he's not allergic to them, and they are actually legumes not nuts, but that's a digression.)

My mother knows this (she's also a pediatric nurse by the way). My father knows this. Yet, she makes 1.) a cheese dip with nuts, 2.) a sour cream based dip with nuts, 3.)cookies with nuts, and 4.)leaves out a box of chocolates with nuts. My father brings more cookies with nuts. I was vigilant (of course) and moved all the offending items, but at one point, she left out the chocolates (before I knew they were there and yes I asked if all things were out of his reach) and he grabbed one. It was a just a caramel and no big deal, but she panicked because she knew what could have happened. I'm thinking (which I didn't say, but should have), "Have a fucking clue. This is your grandchild whose throat swells up enough to cut off his airway from this stuff." Have the sense not to have that stuff around a little kid with an allergy. It's one thing if it were a public party or place. I don't expect the world to give up everything for my son, so I'd just be extra careful, but at my own mother's, I can't have a little help or consideration for once? For just once.

Vent over. I have just about had it with humankind. :wtf:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. that is odd

they should know better.

[Kellanved]

2. I don't know

My smallest brother has a similar problem with pine nuts. My grandmother knows that he is allergic, but somehow doesn't remember it during the Christmas haze. I am 100% sure that there is neither intent, nor stupidity to blame - just traditions a lot older than my brother taking over.

[Maat]

I don't know why our families and friends behave this way ...

I went and earned a Master's Degree in Psychology, and worked seven years as a social worker (mostly to help me understand people, I think).

I would say to somebody, 'What were you thinking?"

And the answer always was .... THEY WEREN'T!!! They were just letting air pass through their ears.

You may need to make a telephone call each day for a couple of days before you visit ... and remind everyone of the VERY CRITICAL rules.

[Placebo]

3. Yes, your parents are indeed idiots.

Cut them off immediately, before your son winds up dead.

[jellybelly]

8. that is a little harsh

but if your parents don't stop with the accidental placements of nuts near your child you shouldn't leave them alone together.

[Zomby Woof]

4. Hi sweetie

Don't know what to say, but I've got one of these with your name on it. :hug:

[xchrom]

5. ''I have just about had it with humankind.''

they should have known better.
and i'm with ya on the humankind thing, too.

[Ladyhawk]

9. Me too. I don't know what to think about Homo sapiens anymore.

Maybe there's another planet that's interested in sanity?

[jody]

6. My grandson is allergic to peanuts. The problem is that I'm not around him

every day so that I'm sensitive to his problem but, I've let him eat nuts only once in six years.

I suggest you talk with your parents each time they visit you to reinforce the need to be vigilant.

Be patient because you will be a grandparent someday.

Best to you and your family.

:hi:

[SarahB]

12. Unfortunately, they act like I'm being "difficult".

In my case, I've been jerked around my entire life. They offer no help, no support, no kindness to me in life. They are self-centered people and this was icing on the cake. I told myself long ago, I'd be a better parent than they were. I am. I have no doubts I'll be a better grandparent as well.

It's just as dangerous for my son as if they left strong medications in his reach or a dangerous weapon. I reacted extremely calmly, but still, they treat me as though it's my problem. It isn't. My first duty is protect my son, not their egos.

[jody]

15. I understand and every case is unique. Perhaps you should place

major limits on what your son does with the grandparents, e.g. absolutely no eating to include snacks. Hopefully your son will outgrow the allergy in a few years.

I accept your anger but in this case, you need to be the mature one because your parents need to grow up. Please don't do anything you might regret in future years because it's very hard to mend broken family relationships.

Perhaps you should write a letter to your parents to vent all your anger and tell them what the rules are for the future. Then put the letter aside for a few days and them revise it once you've cooled down. Do that process several times until the letter is unemotional but covers every salient point. Then send it to your parents with a nice card telling them how much you love them.

Good luck to you and your son.

:hi:

[Karenina]

7. ((((((BIG HUG))))))

It was CLEAR babykins was allergic to nuts and chocolate. Daddykins INSISTED the tiny chocolate sprinkles in the ice cream (babykins ALSO lactose-intolerant) were not enough to hurt anything and over my VERY LOUD AND PERSISTENT OBJECTIONS fed him the offending substances. Guess who got to stay up all night with a VERY uncomfortable, unhappy kid...

:hug: This too shall pass.

[Deja Q]

10. We DUers and true progressives need to stick together:

It seems we're the only humans left, in America.

If the centrists can be pro-America and pro-American-jobs, then I'd be happy with them too. But the business/corporate sect is all too happy to use the internet and any other means to destroy America's economic foundationc completely; one they started around 1979 or 1980, judging by too many graphs showing the decline in worker wages, increase of CEO wages, increase of work being done by people... we're killing ourselves for less. This is not a democracy...

We can all dream of a "one world" concept. But this is reality. Reality on this planet is composed of different countries, different ethnicities, different beliefs. Being progressive is to be tolerant of others' viewpoints within reason and treat people equally within our country but still being America first, while maturely dealing with the other nations of the world.

Now consider people like *, Hitler, Stalin, the list goes on. They all have one thing in common: They wish to proactively push their beliefs onto everybody else and cull who they don't see to be fit in their "new order". And every time one of these animals makes the attempt, all hell breaks loose and the damage they cause is considerable.

Difference is, up until now, nobody had nukes.

Don't give up on humankind. Find the good ones and forge local alliances with them. As for the rest, let them eat green pigmented papercloth.

[madison2000]

11. I'm thinking at this point its a wonder you made it to adulthood!

Maybe they were more careful with you!?

[SarahB]

13. Not really.

I was just lucky. Taught me what NOT to do.

[LeftyMom]

14. I hear you

I went through the same shit agin this holiday but with dairy and food coloring (fortunately not a life threatning allergy in my son's case, the dairy gives him awful runs and the food color makes him act like he's on speed.) My son is three also, but he's learing not to eat things unless his dad or I give them to him. I'm glad for that, Mom tried to give him a packet of flavored nuts with whey in them and her boyfriend gave him one of those hot red hard candies the size of a hi-bounce ball (food color and a choking hazard, don't people think?)

I don't know why people act like it's a big inconvenience to protect a child from food they can't eat. A trip to the emergency room is a bid deal. Nasty painful diarrhea is a big deal. Reading a fucking ingredient label so everybody can have a nice holiday without having to worry about or hover over a food allergic kid is just common sense and consideration.