Do you have a difficult time saying the "L" word?

[Modem Butterfly]

No, I'm not talking about lesbian. I'm talking about love. Do you have a hard time saying you love someone? Do the words stick in your throat?

Will, my partner, has a difficult time saying that he loves me. In ten years, he's said it only a few times. Mostly, he tries to show it- for instance, today, I got a big, beautiful bouquet of flowers in my office. And yesterday, when I had to go to the doctor suddenly, he was waiting for me when I came out (he said he hadn't been waiting long, but I was there for over four hours, and I'm sure he'd had a looooonnnnnggg wait). He does little things like getting my car waxed and detailed without telling me, or maybe surprising me with a computer game he thinks I'd like (surprising as in buying and installing it on my laptop without telling me, then letting me discover the surprise). But when it comes to saying the "l" word, he just can't do it. I tell him I love him all the time, and either he doesn't say anything, or he hugs me, or he makes a joke. But I don't really mind. What about you?

[BigMcLargehuge]

1. nope, rolls off my tongue like a marble whenever I am around the Mrs.

[WoodrowFan]

6. dittos

easy to say, um, around my wife, not yours, although I'm sure your wife is also quite nice.. umm, (ahem)

[BigMcLargehuge]

8. I am glad out spouses inspire us to drop the L-bomb alot :)

[HEAVYHEART]

2. Oh hell no!

I love saying I love You. :)

[HEAVYHEART]

25. But......

I think those who have a hard time saying it, doesn't necessarily mean that they don't feel the love. I have the hardest time saying I love you to my parents or to anyone in my immediate family (parents and my siblings). I know that the reason for this is because we never said I love you to each other in the past. I love my parents and siblings and I will kill anybody who ever hurts them, I hurt when they hurt, etc.. but I have a hard time saying I love you to them.

I have no problems saying I love you to my own kids, friends, SO, and, acquaintances.

[Phillycat]

3. Read "He's Just Not That Into You".

Changed my life. I'm recommending it to everyone. What the author of that book would say about your predicament is: "If he loved you, he would tell you."

[Modem Butterfly]

15. It will be ten years tomorrow, so I'm not sure that applies

I remember the first time we had the big "l" word conversation. I told him I loved him, and he hugged me and I said, "Okay, what does that mean?" and he said, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I have a lot of issues with saying it out loud. So can't we just be happy together without me stuttering over a bunch of words it hurts to say?" Awwwwww... he's cute AND he has issues. Sign me up!

:)

[Phillycat]

20. Well...

All that matters is if you're happy. I'm not quite sure why you'd post a thread about it if it didn't bother you. It would sure as heck bother me...but then I don't even have a boyfriend, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. :)

[Modem Butterfly]

30. It was the flowers that did it

Will sent me this big bunch of flowers (irises, day lillies, tulips, roses, all my favorites) and on the note he wrote, "Ten years tomorrow. I you-know-what you more than ever." It made me laugh and I thought it might be a good thread. But I hear you, it's usually a really bad sign. It bothered me a lot in the beginning, and I called him on it. He asked me if I'd rather have a man that said it all the time or that showed it, and I said if he couldn't say it he'd have to work doubly hard to convince me of it. So that's when he turned the corner from Mr. Maybe to Mr. Right.

[buddhamama]

22. given a choice, in an either or situation

i'd rather have someone show their love for me than say the words.
behavior/actions prove the words, without them the words are meaningless.

[Phillycat]

27. Why does it have to be a choice?

I believe that I deserve a man who will tell me he loves me, AND show me with his actions. But that's JMHO, of course. :)

[buddhamama]

31. it doesn't have to be a choice

depending on the person. some people have a hard time expressing their feelings. if I was involved with someone and they found it difficult to speak the words, i'd be OK with it IF they expressed their love in other ways.

edited for spelling

[Phillycat]

34. That is not good enough for me.

But then I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong man. You can see there are lots of men on this very thread who say it to their wives all the time, and show it too. I want one of THOSE.

[bobbobbins]

24. thats what that author is a quack

if he loves you, he'll show you

[Phillycat]

35. He may be a quack, but my way doesn't work.

I'm willing to try something else.

[flamingyouth]

No, I say it a lot

I tell my parents, my boyfriend, my friends, my employees all the time.

[yardwork]

4. Liberal? NO!

I'm proud to say I'm a LIBERAL

[buddhamama]

5. nope

no difficulties in saying I love you to somebody, whether it be an SO or friends.

[Skittles]

7. yes

never heard it growing up, doesn't come naturally

[Modem Butterfly]

18. Same deal with Will

It's part of the reason we're not planning on becoming parents- he's had some pretty piss poor role models.

[Skittles]

26. ooooh, don't know if that should be a reason

it's not that he CAN'T LOVE, it's the expression . . . . . people like us are some of the most empathic people around . . . we don't EXPRESS well but we SENSE stuff lots easier. Come on now, you wouldn't have married him if he was truly a cold fish. Especially if he RECOGNIZES the problem - heck, if I could have had kids I would have probably overdone it knowing what I missed.

[Modem Butterfly]

32. It's not a simple thing

His situation left him uninterested in becoming a parent, partly to avoid some of the same mistakes and partly to protect himself emotionally. I just have no interest in kids personally. His upbringing left him with some very big emotional obstacles that he's still working on.

[terrya]

9. I say it to Doug as often as I can.

But sometimes, words can't convey exactly how you feel about that loved one. How special they are. How much they mean to you...and how happy they make you.

T

[Left Is Write]

17. That's funny. I say it to Doug often too!

:D

[terrya]

28. Stop that RIGHT NOW!!

:-)

[anonymousdemocrat]

My boyfriend is like that -

Although, he was the very first to utter it when we had been friends but not dating for over a month, and then we kissed for the first time, and he said, so softly "love ya" .

Myself, now I say it to him all the time but he is now very shy about it, and it sounds silly and stuck when he tries.

It is good to hear other guys are like that, and not just my love.

[Cuban_Liberal]

10. Nope.

I say it all the time.

:)

[GOPisEvil]

11. No problem with saying "love" at all.

Finding it can be a challenge, but once I do, I can say "love" with the best of them. I can show it too, or at least I think I can. :D

[Debi]

12. Lavender?

Light bulb
Listerine
Legacy
Lamp post
Laughter
Litigate
Lace
Lineage
Loin

[fluffernutter]

13. not at all. love makes the world go 'round.

and i believe those you love should hear it as well as feel it.

it does sound like your partner cares for you deeply, if i were you, i would probably ask why he never says it. good luck :)

[VaYallaDawg]

14. I think any day you don't say "I love you" to somebody

is a missed opportunity that you'll never reclaim. We all need to do it every day.

[Left Is Write]

16. No, not at all.

My dad has a little trouble with it, though.I don't mind, because he shows us he loves us ALL the time. That he doesn't say it unless you say it first doesn't matter much in the grand scheme.

[madinmaryland]

19. I don't.

I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!
I am a LIBERAL!

Oops, didn't read the rest of your post.

[SharonRB]

21. Sounds like he shows you through his actions

Actions really do speak louder than words. He could be saying it all the time, but then not acting like it. Which is worse? I know it's good to hear, but it sounds like you have a good thing going.

[Samurai_Writer]

23. Yes, I can't say it easily

I have this big fear of commitment thing, too. I think the two are related. I cannot say "I love you" to an S.O. until they say it first. As far as family and friends, though, I have no problem with it.

BTW, I am female, just FYI.

[yvr girl]

29. Scary word

I've never said it to anyone besides family.

[hippiechick]

33. Yep, can't say it - can't do it.

I have some very deep seated trust issues that makes it almost impossible for me to open up to, rely on, or get attached to anyone.

But being a 38 year-old bachelorette ain't necessarily a bad thing ...

:freak:


:hippie: